Desire Protocol: Obsession Method

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obsession method

BONUS!

desire protocol

Keep Her Addicted To You BY Kate Spring

Keeping your girlfriend interested in 10 easy steps If you are in a loving, committed relationship – congratulations! You have likely done a lot of work to get there. The attraction is mutual. You both have the same goals in life. You admire each other for myriad reasons that you can each list off quite easily. Your friends even agree – the two of you are made for each other.

Attraction comes first. Then what?

Attraction is always the precursor to any relationship. There’s that certain “something” that she has; the way she walks, the way she talks, moves, laughs at your silly jokes … whatever that “thing” might be, it creates a spark that makes your heart glow and your eyes light up when she walks in the room. For some time, that feeling will remain. You might even convince yourself that it will last forever, but the inevitable reality is that it will change over time. When this happens, so many men pull back, become disillusioned. You know something has changed, but you’re not sure what. Is it you? Or is it her? If this sounds like something you are going through, take heart. You are not alone.

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The answer is, nothing has really changed – at least, not at the core. If you truly have a unique connection (of course you do – those feelings don’t just come along every day!) then it is absolutely reasonable to think that you can build it into something that lasts. After all, the initial reason you two got together is still there. It’s just that, as time goes by, you will need to expend more effort to keep that spark alight.

It’s so easy … It’s easy to fall in love. For some people, it’s like a switch. One look, a few words exchanged, that switch goes on. But as quickly as it turns on, it can grow dim. Why is that? The answer is quite simple. Attraction is very “surface”. I wouldn’t go so far to say that it’s shallow, but it can be. Attraction will simply remain on the surface unless it builds some substance … and that’s just the way it is. You may look around you and see long-time couples that have been in love since day one. Older couples, walking through the park, holding hands, and finishing each other’s sentences. Radiating love and attraction, you know just by looking at them that they only have eyes for each other. They make it look so easy! How is it, then, that when a man like you meets the woman of his dreams, this skill seems so elusive? The reality is that maintaining that initial attraction is not easy. As you become more familiar with each other, those feelings that once lit a fire in your heart, they change. That said, this does not have to spell the end of the romance. With a little insight and some effort on your part, you can keep those butterflies fluttering in her tummy for as long as you like.

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What is attraction? Before we begin, you should understand the nature of attraction. The how and why of her attraction to you is something you should be able to comprehend. Once you can do that, you can more easily nurture that attraction, fan the flames, and keep her interested. While you might think that attraction is all about looks, this is not always the case. The way they respond to you, the way they are with others, their body language, their confidence, their viewpoints, their opinions, their values – all of these things have significance in why we are attracted to another person. Aside from all that, though, there is some science to it. Attraction is chemical! DESIRE PROTOCOL - KEEP HER ADDICTED TO YOU

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What women find sexy: what science says

There are also physiological aspects that have been proven to be a factor in attraction – at least, for women. Science says that men are initially attracted to a woman based on their appearance, but women err on the side of scent. Pheromones are an important factor in attraction and relevant to both sexes. In a 2017 study, conducted by a group of psychologists and published in Frontiers in Psychology, it was determined that a person’s olfactory senses (sense of smell) can assess sex, dominance, fertility, compatibility, emotional state, and even physical strength. If this all sounds rather animalistic, you’re not wrong. Animals navigate their reproductive worlds with pheromones as their guide. And though it hasn’t been proven specifically that humans have the same olfactory superpowers as animals, the way you smell is certainly going to have an effect on how a woman is attracted to you. Just keep in mind that attraction is a multi-faceted process and that women process attraction much differently than men. As for the way you smell, putting on more cologne is not the answer. Your natural scent is what’s going to have the most allure!

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The chemical makeup of attraction If you find yourself crushing on someone, your body responds by producing certain chemicals that linger in your brain, making you giddy, light-headed, and feeling like you can’t get enough of that person. Dopamine is one. Its effects are remarkably similar to cocaine and it can be very addictive. Have you ever felt like you are “in love with love”? An overload of dopamine could be the culprit. But, like the proverbial honeymoon phase itself, this doesn’t always last. Maintaining attraction, at least from a physiological standpoint, comes down to three main things: smell, sound, and hormones.

What healthy smells like We’ve talked about smell a little bit, but did you know that, based on smell alone, women can instinctively tell if you are healthy enough to take a chance on? By the same token, men are more attracted to women when they are at their most fertile. A study conducted at the University of Texas Austin had a group of men smell t-shirts that had been worn by women at different phases of ovulation. The results? Shirts worn by the ladies who were at their most fertile were the most attractive. The women, however, were more attracted to the scent of healthier men. This is attributable to a woman’s ability to detect MHC molecules. Otherwise known as major histocompatibility complex molecules, MHCs are disease-fighting immune factors that are present in your DNA.

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What this boils down to is that women are more attracted to healthy males with a strong immune system. It’s a proven fact with roots in human evolution itself. And while you certainly can’t fake this, we can reasonably conclude that eating right, working out, staying active, and not destroying your system is probably a good way to go in terms of staying attractive to the opposite sex.

The sound of your voice Sound is another physiological aspect of attraction that both sexes respond to. For instance, it is possible to elicit a physical response solely based on the sound of a person’s voice. Hormonal changes have an effect on the sound of the human voice. A study published in Psychology Today found that women overwhelmingly showed a preference for voices that were more deeply-pitched. This does not mean, however, that if you have a higher-pitched voice you are completely doomed. Focus on evenly spaced tonalities when you speak and avoid peaking your tone at a higher pitch— think somewhere between Barry White and Liam Neeson—and you’ll have them melting in your arms.

The hormonal factor The third physiological aspect of attraction is hormones. While this is something that is not always possible to control, it is good to be aware of the kind of effect they have on attraction. We place a high value on chemistry in relationships, and for good reason. Attraction is, largely, chemical.

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Dopamine: the feel-good factor We talked a little bit about dopamine, the feel-good chemical, but it should be stressed that this particular chemical release can really be all-encompassing. When you have dopamine flowing through your body, you might feel like you just can’t get enough of the other person. It might also make you ignore other signals that might fall into the category of “good judgement”, which would explain why many men do really dumb and sometimes completely uncharacteristic things when they’re in love. This is because a certain part of the brain—the amygdala—actually turns itself off when the brain is flooded with dopamine. Fear response, seeing the consequences of your actions, all of these things get tossed to the wind.

Cortisol: the stress factor And the butterflies? It’s all stress. And while stress is okay in small doses, it produces an ugly little hormone called cortisol and, unfortunately, cortisol is not the best thing for you. Cortisol is associated both with supressed immune response as well as a supressed reproductive system, both of which are physiological aspects of attraction. If you are constantly experiencing memory problems, depression, moodiness, irritability or if you get sick a lot, you may be experiencing cortisol overload.

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To combat excess cortisol and lower your stress levels, get the OM factor: Set aside 15 minutes a day to practice mindfulness. Sit quietly and comfortably and focus your mind on your surroundings, your breath, your body. It’s about being in the moment and letting go of the judgements that enter your mind. If you feel your mind wander, let go of the thought and keep bringing it back to the present moment. This daily practice will help you lower your stress levels and—bonus—you will love how much more attention you will get from the object of your affection.

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Other hormones that have an effect on attraction include: Norepinephrine, which is sometimes referred to as the “adrenaline” of love. According to a study penned by Haley Decker at Texas Christian University, norepinephrine is the thing that keeps us alert and helps us say “all the right things” and pay attention in the moment. As a key component of the “fight or flight” response, norepinephrine sharpens our memory as well, which may explain why we have such vivid recollections of things like a first kiss. It sends a message to your brain that something significant is going to happen and ignites all your senses so that you can respond appropriately. Serotonin is another chemical that is key to attraction. Like dopamine, it is a chemical produced by the brain that makes us happy. Low serotonin levels can cause depression, low libido, poor sleep, and impaired memory.

Beyond science: the psychosexual aspects of attraction

So, now that you know a bit about the science of attraction, let’s dive into some things that, just maybe, you might have better control over!

Be a man of mystery Keeping your partner guessing is a great way to maintain attraction in a relationship. Hold back instead of diving in. There will be plenty of time for this later. Attraction is a game of give and take. It ebbs and flows, like a wave breaking on the shore. If you know how to ride that wave, you can really make it last.

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If this sounds like a bit of a game, fair enough – it is. But it’s a game that really has no end. If you want to keep her interested, you need to keep her guessing, even if it’s just a little bit. A little mystery goes a long way to maintaining attraction in your intimate relationships. Robert Plutchik, a professor Emeritus at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine, published a study in 1980 that featured a “wheel of emotions”, in which, he placed boredom right after disgust. Subsequent studies into boredom showed that it was linked to higher cortisol production on one side and lower response to physical stimuli on the other. What this means is that, when you’re bored, you will be more stressed and less interested in and less responsive to physical touch. Making a concerted effort to reduce boredom in the relationship— not just in the bedroom—will lower cortisol and give you a much better chance of encouraging her attraction.

Ten tips to help you keep the mystery alive 1. Maintain the “man of mystery” vibe for as long as you can. Familiarity can breed contempt (you’ve probably heard that little adage before). What that means is that “too much information” can be a romance killer. For instance, you may be madly in love, lust, or whatever, but seeing your dirty clothes on the floor or being subjected to your Sunday afternoon NFL habit might be a bit too much early in the relationship. Anything that might end up being a bone of contention later on is best to postpone for as long as you can. Little things like this might not seem like such a big deal, but they are a guaranteed intimacy killer. The goal is to prolong the attraction, not trade it in for resentment.

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2. Use your imagination and try things that are new to both of you. Coming up with ideas for things to do shouldn’t always fall on one person in the relationship. On the same tack, don’t fall back on the “same old same old”. Try out new places, new activities, experiences that are new to both of you. That way, you will be creating memories together and discovering new things that will help your bond develop on a deeper level. When you try out new things, she will be able to see the wonder in your eyes as much as you can in hers. There is a certain vulnerability in that, and this is a solid basis for maintaining attraction.

3. Try a little role-playing. Who hasn’t wanted to be a completely different person every once in a while? Anybody can go on a vacation – what about a staycation? Make an event of it. Dress yourselves up and step out of your usual comfort zone once in a while. Plan a stay in a fancy hotel in your own city; you won’t be far from home, but you can create a completely different reality where the rest of the world as you know it simply doesn’t exist. Role-playing in a relationship helps to foster trust and connection, which will always amplify the attraction.

4. Keep your emotions in check. This may be a difficult one, especially if you fell hard and are headover-heels in love/like/lust with this woman. Many women will be cautious about displaying their true feelings right away. Truth be told, those feelings can change quickly once we’ve gotten to know somebody better. Think of it as a high-stakes poker game. You don’t just lay all your cards on the table right away. You’ve got to play it carefully to be able to get to the big win.

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5. Show, don’t tell. Talk is just talk. Anybody can talk a good game, but when you can really show somebody what you’re made of, that speaks volumes. For instance, it’s all well and good to talk about what a great cook you are, but why not surprise her with a gourmet meal that you whipped up just for her? Go about it with a little stealth. Ask the right questions. Find out what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and put together a meal that will blow her mind. Don’t cook? That’s okay. There are probably tons of things about you that she knows nothing about; your secret love of opera, your skill at horseback riding, you get the picture. Maybe there is something that she talks about a lot—a love of wild animals, a passion for live theater—something that you can conjure up on the sly and surprise her with so that she knows you’ve been listening. A trip to an animal sanctuary or tickets to the hottest play in town might paint the right picture, but just talking about it won’t get you anywhere. Action is where it’s at. A man who isn’t afraid to take that leap, especially if it’s outside of his comfort zone, will always be irresistible.

6. Be vulnerable, be kind. As a man, you need to be the strong one. Keep your cool, be protective. Be proactive. But there comes a time when you have to break down those defenses and show your softer side. You may be able to come across as if nothing rattles you, but eventually, that’s going to look like you have no heart at all. Don’t be afraid to show your true colors, whether that’s an innate need to want to rescue stray dogs or a strong desire to change the world. Kindness is sexy, and that’s not just about being kind to her. Being kind in this crazy world is not a weakness, it is a strength that should DESIRE PROTOCOL - KEEP HER ADDICTED TO YOU

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be nurtured. If you are unkind to others, especially those who appear to be subordinate or weaker, you simply come across as shallow. Without a doubt, this will water down the attraction factor. She might well think, and rightly so, that one day you will treat her that way too. So, be polite to strangers. Be kind. Don’t talk behind people’s backs or speak out of spite or anger. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Do the right thing, even when nobody’s looking, and she will always hold you in the highest regard.

7. Don’t avoid relationship issues. Many men tend to stay as far away as possible from issues that they don’t feel like they have any control over. Relationship problems, no matter how trivial they seem, are a sure-fire way to kill any feelings of attraction. Even if you feel out of your depth, like you’re swimming against the tide, lean into that feeling and tackle your issues head-on. Chances are it’s a problem that can be sorted out with some honest discussion. Since most men avoid dealing with relationship problems, this will surely set you apart as a man who is unafraid to face adversity. And that’s downright sexy. Think about the make-up sex you’re going to have and just do it.

8. Don’t make it all about you. One thing that you should absolutely not do is make it all about you. So often, a woman will be talking about something and her man will interject with his own experience in a similar situation. This, essentially, turns the conversation around and directs the attention away from her, thus diminishing the sentiment she is trying to convey and leaving her feeling “less than”. As an attraction killer, this is a big one. Your girlfriend, your partner, the object of your desire, should be the focus of your attention, and that means your undivided attention. Listen, be supportive, and do try to remember what she’s told you. DESIRE PROTOCOL - KEEP HER ADDICTED TO YOU

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There is nothing worse than being made to feel that your opinions are unimportant or inconsequential – and when you don’t listen, that’s the message you send.

9. Do not criticize or belittle her dreams. It’s human nature to mock things we don’t know anything about, but when it comes to your girlfriend, there is nothing worse than being criticized by the one person we care about most in the world. If you genuinely care for her, you want to support her in every way possible, and that means supporting her dreams too. Don’t correct her (especially not in front of others), don’t tell her she doesn’t look great in that dress, and don’t laugh when she talks about how much better she can cook than that guy on TV. As her partner, it is your job to make her think she is the most beautiful, talented, funny, and smart woman you have ever laid your eyes on.

10. Resist the urge to fix all of her problems. Men are born “fixers”. Many men think that, with the right approach, any problem can be solved. Sometimes, however, it’s really not your place to fix a situation as much as it is to be a supportive sounding board. You won’t always have the right answer, and an answer is not always the solution. Sometimes, it just takes a little patience, understanding, empathy, and true compassion. Listening is an activity. Cultivate a talent for listening—really listening—and you will always have her attention and devotion. Listen to what she has to say, process the information, and offer reassurance, not a solution. Be supportive of her challenges, both at work and in her personal life. For instance, if she is having a stressful time at work, make time to let her vent and resist the urge to try to “fix” the situation. Women don’t always want to be fixed, but they do want to be heard. Listen to what she has to say and reassure her that she is strong enough to overcome the challenge. DESIRE PROTOCOL - KEEP HER ADDICTED TO YOU

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What now?

So, now you might be wondering: if I do all of these things, will the attraction my girlfriend feels for me remain strong? Of course, in any committed relationship there are variables that cannot be predicted or dictated by even the most precise instructions. However, these tips are areas in which you can continually build on the attraction you already have for each other. It should be stressed that attraction and good, healthy relationships in general are not a “one and done” thing. As you get to know each other better, your dynamic is DESIRE PROTOCOL - KEEP HER ADDICTED TO YOU

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going to change, and while these tips will still work, you will have to find ways to be more creative in achieving what you desire. These suggestions are not only meant to nurture and encourage your girlfriend’s attraction to you, they should do the same in reverse. The attention, care, and respect that you demonstrate should encourage her affection for you and bring out those lovely qualities in her that will make you fall in love all over again. So, though conventional dating wisdom says you should be a gentleman, hold the door for her, buy her flowers for no reason, and so on, it’s more about revealing to her, slowly and over time, who you really are inside. If that person is as thoughtful, imaginative, caring, and loving as you pretend to be through the courtship phase, the attraction will only grow. And here’s a tip from someone who knows: Don’t try to get there too fast. When there is always something new to discover, you will always have their attention. And then, may years from now, you may well be that old couple in the park, holding hands and laughing at a joke only the two of you understand.

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