Friends

FRIENDS

by KOBO A.BE Translated from the Japanese by Donald Keene

GROVE PRESS, INC., NEW YORK

Copyright © 1969 by Grove Pr(.!ss, Inc. All Rights Reserved Originally published as Tomodachi by Kawade Shobo, Tokyo, © 1967 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 68-58139 First Printing CAUTION :

This play is fully protected, in whole, in part or in

any form under the copyright laws of the United States of America, the British Empire including the. Dominion of Canada, and all other countries of the Copyright Union, and is subject to royalty. All rights, including professional, amateur, motion picture,

radio, television, recitation,

public reading,

and any

method of photographic reproduction are strictly reserved. For professional and amateur rights all inquiries should be directed to Grove Press, Inc., 80 University Place, New York, New York

10003. Manufactured in the United States of America

This translation is dedicated to I . L.

This play was first perforn1ed in the Kinokuniya Hall, Tokyo, on March 15, 1967. The performance was directed by Masahiko Naruse.

twe n ty-four years old; a tri111,-loo!?ing ) sweet girl wh o gives the impression of b eing a crystallization of good will GRA N D M OT H ER , eighty years old FAT H ER, a gentletnan who at fi. r st glance might b e taken for a clergyman ; h e wears a worn but quite respectable suit and carries a briefcase M O T H ER , h er old-fashion ed hat and glasses beco1ne her YOU N GER SO N , he once won a prize as an amateur b oxer; he carries a guitar under one arm and a suitcase in the other ELDER SO N , clever) but frail-loo!?ing ll.,nf} rather gloomy ; formerly a private detective ; he carries suitcases in both hands when he enters ELDES T D A U G H T ER , thirty years old; a prospective old maid who still preserves h er dreams of being raped by some 1nan M A N, thirty-one years old; section head in a commercial firm YOU N GE S T D A U G H TER, a little devil) though she doesn)t look it M IDDLE DA U G H TER,

M IDD L E- A G ED POL ICE M A N YOU N G P O L IC E M A N

a W011�an she works in the same office as

B U I LD I N G S U P ER I N T E N D E N T, FIANC

E E,

MAN

;

looks lik e a city

girl R EPORT E R ,

formerly a reporter for a weekly magazine

FRIENDS

. . . SCENE ONE The curtain rises to the sweetly seductive 1nelody of ((The Broken Necklace." (Music by Takeshi Inomata.) Night t-ime in the big cityNow that the string is broken, the b eads of the n ecklace Scatter h ere and scatter th ere In every direction . Poor broken n ecklace, where i s the breast that warmed you once? When did you leave it, where has it gone? Little lost b eads, little lost beads. Two large, partition-like walls meet in a uv" at the middle of the stage. Shadows of human figures, four each from l eft and right, appear on the walls and, to the rhythm of the music, gradually grow larger, until in the end they seem to loom like giants over the audienc e. A s th e music comes to an end, the owners of the shadows reveal themselves from the wings on both sides. The comp osition of this family of eight could hardly be more average, but one senses sont e thing p eculiar about its 1nembers. They move me­ chanically, nobody as yet showing any expression on his face. steps forth from the group and advances to the c enter of the stage. The music should continue, but without words. MIDDL E DAUG H TE R

11

Kobo A b e

12

( taking up the words of the song that has . been heard, her voice pleading and romantic ) : But we can't just leave them to their fate. We'll gather up those poor little beads.Yes, we'll gather them up and run a new string through them. ( She turns to GRA N D M OT H E R . ) We can do it, Grandma, can't we? GRA N D M OT H ER ('i n a complete[:;, 1natter-of-fact tone ) : Of course we can. That's our job, isn't it? M IDDL E DA U G H T E R ( turning back to audience and continuing her previous remarks) : It's wrong for there to be lost children and lonely people. It's all wrong. But you can't make a necklace without running a string through the beads. ( She turns to FAT H E R . ) \tVe'll be the string for the necklace. Won't we, Father? FAT H ER ( w·i th a look of having heard this before ) : Don't you think I know it already, that being a string is our job? M IDDLE DA U G H TER ( singing to the tnusic ) : Where is the breast that warmed you once? When did you leave it, where has it gone? Little lost beads, little lost beads. M IDDL E DA U G H TER

YOU N GEST

D A U G H TER

suddenly gives a loud sneeze that

stops the music.

My poor darling. ( To the o thers, reproachfully. ) If we don't settle down son1ewhere soon, it'll be ten o'clock before we know it. YOU N G ER S O N : That's right. ( He yawns ostentatious[}'· ) I for one have had enough of this gabbing. ELDER S O N ( sharply ) : Don't talk like a fool. It's our job, isn't it? ELD EST DA U G H TER ( withou,t expression ) : That's right. It's our job. M OT H ER :

The music begins again . ( resu1ning her exalted tone ) : And that's why we must go on. We must search out all the lonely

M IDDLE

DAU G H TER

Friends

13

people and offer them our love and friendship.We are the messengers of love who can heal their loneliness. We must sniff out the faint wisps of sadness that escape like drops of starlight from the windows of the city, and go there with our gift of joy. ( Sh e spreads her arms open as if introduc­ ing the family to the audience. ) Yes, we are the angels of broken necklaces. Each member of the fam-ily simultaneously shines a flash­ light from below on his face and smiles titnidly. The con­ trast with the mood of what has preceded should be as strong as possible. B lack out.

. . . SCENE TWO

The partitions are drawn aside to reveal Man's roo1,1t-. The furniture and household accessories should aU be of one color, either a reddish broum or gray. A door leads to the kitchen at stage-right front. A t stage-left rear a door leads to another roon- t . The entrance door to the apartn- t ent is at stage-left front. Next to the door, in the hall, is a rather elaborate coat rack. (This rack will later be used as a cage,· it must therefore have suitable vertical and horizontal supports.) A ll the furnishings, including the doors_, should be simplified and ab breviated as much as possible. sits at the desk . He wears a jacket and jiggles his leg as he telephones. The telephone is the only real object in the room. MAN

Well, that's about all for now. I'll call you later on to say good night ...What? It has yellow spots? S ounds like

M AN :

Kobo A b e

14

an alley cat, doesn't it? . . . No, I'm sorry. I assure you, I have absolute confidence in your taste . . . Oh, j ust a second. ( He rernoves the receiver fro1n his ear and listens. ) No, it wasn't anything. I can't imagine anyone would come visiting me now, at this hour of the night .. . Yes, i sn't that what I've been saying all along? Next payday I'd like you to move in here for good. You should have your things packed and ready by then. The eight members of the family approach slowly and hesitantly, walking on tip to e.

It sounds like rain? Yes, maybe it is raining. It couldn't be footsteps-it'd take too n1any people for that. You know, the insurance agent in the apartn1ent below mine is a nut for poker . . . Of course the noise has nothing to do with me. The footsteps suddenly grow lo uder. :\iA N cocks his head and listens. The fa1nily enters front stage right and crosses stage front in a single line. YO U N GER S O N , wh o has in the n1eantime passed his guitar to ELDER s o N , goes past the entrance to lYIan's apartnzent, then turns bach; at which all the others stop in their tracks. FATHER and YOU N G ER SON stand on either side of the entrance. F A T H ER takes out a notebook and, after thu1-n bing thro ugh the pages, contpares what he finds with the nanze on th e doo r. He nods and gives the signal to M IDDLE DA U G H TER , U)ho is standing behind hint. She comes forward and stands at the door, then knocks gently.

Say, it's at 1ny place ! ( He glances hurriedly at his watch . ) Must be a telegram, at this hour of the night. ( M IDDLE D AU G H TER knocl?s again and he calls to other side of the door. ) �rn be with you in a n1inute! ( The fanzil;' is visibly relieved. He speaks into the telephone.) I'll go out and have a look. I'll call you later. Here's a kiss. ( He tnakes a noise with his lips and puts down the teleph one. )

MAN:

Friends

15

•

•

•

SCENE THREE

having slipped around from behind M I DDLE peeps through the keyhole. She sees M A N coming to

GRA N DMOT H E R , DAU G H TE R ,

the door.

My goodness-what a handsome man ! FAT H ER : S hhh ! ( He takes GRA N D M OT H ER by her sleeve and pulls her bac!? . ) M A N : \Vho is it? Who's there? M I DDLE DA U G H T E R ( in a girlish voice ) : Excuse me, please. I'm sorry to bother you so late. M A N : Who is it, please? ( He is disarmed to discover the visitor is a you11-g woman) b'!tf is all the 1- n ore suspicious. ) M I DD L E DA U G H T E R : I'm so sorry". I intended to come earlier. GRANDMOT H ER :

shakes his head doub tfully) but eventually yields to curiosity and op ens the door a little. Instan tly YO U N G E R S O N inserts his foot into the opening. FAT H ER takes the door knob and pulls the door open. The family) 1noving into action) assembles before the door. M A N , dumfounded) stands rooted. MAN

M I DDL E DA U G H T E R :

Oh, that's a relief ! You hadn't gone to bed

yet, had you ? FA T H ER ( in the tone of an old friend ) : Of course not ! 'The young folks these days are night owls, all of them. M O T H ER ( pushing G RA N D M O T H E R front behind ) : Shall we go inside, Grandma? The night air is bad for you. M A N (his voice choked ) : Who are you, anyway? GRA N D M OT H ER ( ignoring M A N and starting to go in ) : Qh, dear, it's pretty bare, isn't it?

Kobo A b e

16

( exhibiting strong curiosity ) : What do you expect? It's a bachelor apartment, after all. M IDDLE DA U G H T E R: That's right. And that's -vvhy it's so im­ portant son1ebody cmne and help him. M A N ( baffled ) : Just a tninute, please. I "''onder if you haven't got the wrong party. ELDER so N ( with a melancholy snzile ) : I used to "''ork for a detective agency, you know. M A N : But stillYO U N GEST DA U G H TER: I'm cold. M OT H E R : Poor darling. You'll take an asptrtn and get to bed early. ELDE ST D A U G H T E R

her anns aro und Y O U N G EST D A U G H T E R, propels GRA N D M OT H ER in to the aparhnen t. M A N tries to prevent her, but YO U N GE R S O N sees an open ing and darts inside. M O T H ER,

\Vhat do you mean, breaking in, \vithout even taking off your shoes? YOU N GER S O N : Oh-sorry. ( He ren,z ove s his shoes. ) M A N:

The family takes advantage of Man's distraction to su - rge in to the apartment in one wa.ve. F A T H ER, the last in, shuts th e door b ehind. hinz and turns the key. M A N , in face of the concerted action of the eight of thenz, is powerless to resist. The nzelnbers of the family scatter around the roo1n with a kind of professio'nal co1npetence, n eatl'J! surrou- nding M A N . They flash at hi1n their usual bashful smiles. They seem to have got the better of him.

\Vhat's the big idea? It's enough to give a man the creeps. FAT H E R ( unruffied ) : Please, I beg you, don't get so upset. M A N : If you've got some business -vvith me, ho"'' about explaining exactly what it is? FAT H E R : It puts us in an a-vvkward position if you're going to turn on us that way . . . ( He looks arou11d front one to another of the family as if enlisting their supp ort. ) MAN :

17

Friends

( excitedly ) : Puts you in an awkward position! You break in, without warning, on a total stranger, and you say it puts you in an a\vkward position! I'm the one who has something to complain about. E L D E R S O N ( taps o1t the wall ) : Pretty good! The walls have been soundproofed. E L D E ST DAUG H T E R : It's freezing in here. Doesn't he have an electric heater, I wonder. MAN ( unable to tal? e any more ) : Stop loitering around my apartment! All of you, get out of here ! Now ! YOUNG E R SON ( co olly ) : \iVhy, I feel as if we weren't wanted. M AN : That's not surprising, is it? Of all the crassness! MAN

YOUNG EST DA U G H TER

peeps £nto the back room.

Look, there's another room here. GRANDMOT H ER : It won't be easy dividing the space with only two rooms for nine people. ( She goes up b eside YOU N GEST DAUG H T E R and examines the other ro orn with h er. ) M I DDLE DAUG H T E R : We can't be fussy, you know. We didn't come here for our amusement.

YOUNGEST

DAUG H T E R :

stands at the door to the back room) blocking it. He is b ewildered and uneasy. M AN

Out with all of you, and right now ! If you refuse to go, I'll charge you with trespassing. YOUNGEST D A U G H TER ( with an exaggerated show of terror ) : Oh, he scares me! M OT H ER ( admonishingly ) : There's nothing for you to be afraid of. He's really a very nice man. There, just look at his face. He's just pretending to frighten you, that's all. GRA N D M OT H ER : That's right. He's what I'd call a handsome man. If I were only ten years younger . . . M AN : I've had all I can stand! ( He starts to lift the telephone. ) FAT H ER ( quietly restraining him ) : Now calm yourself. Y ott MAN :

Kobo A be

18

seem to be under some terrible mi sapprehension. You're making such a fuss anybody might think we intended to do you some harrn. M A N : \i\!hat do you intend, if not to harm me? FAT H ER : Why should you say such a thing? M A N : You're in a stranger's house here. FAT H ER ( with an expression of disn1ay ) : A stranger's house? ELDER SO N ( contetnp tuously ) : A stranger's house ! He certainly takes a very narrow view of things. M A N : But, as a matter of fact, we are strangers, aren't we? F AT H ER ( soo thing him) : You mustn't get so worked up over each little thing. Have you never heard the saying that being brothers marks the first step on the way to being strangers? That means, if you trace strangers back far enough you'll find they were once brothers. What differ­ ence does it make if we're strangers? A little thing like that shouldn't upset you. M OT H ER : Yes, when you get to know us better you'll see \ve're just so relaxed and easy-going it's positively funny. ( She laughs. ) M A N : Don't act silly. \iVhatever you n1ay think, the fact is, this is n1y apartment. ELDEST DAU G H T ER : That's obvious, isn't it? If it ,weren't your apartment, you wouldn't be here. YO U N GER SO N : And if it weren't your apartn1ent do you suppose we'd have listened in silence all this tin1e to your belly­ aching? M IDDLE DAU G H T ER : I thought I told you to lay off hin1. YO U N GER SON : I apologize. The fact is, I have a wee bit of a hangover. Damn it ! shadorzvb oxes briefly to cover his confusion. M I DDLE DAU G H TER, acting as if she has suddenly no ticed it} puts out her hand to remove a bit of wool fl uf f fron-� M a,nJ s jacl�' ef. ELDEST DAU G H T ER tries to beat her to it. Bu t YOU N GER

SON

Friends

19

shrinks back from b oth of them, and neither is suc­ cessful. YO U N G E ST D A U G H TE R chooses this montent to dis­ app ear into the kitchen. MAN

ELDEST DAUG H T E R :

I'm going to take off my coat, if you don't

mind. FAT H ER : Yes, vve can't go on standing around this way indef­ initely. \iVhy don't we sit down and discuss things in a more relaxed mood? They ell re1nove their coats and hats. YOU N GER SON also rentoves his jac!?et. Eldest Daughter's dress rather em­ phasizes her physique. steps for'Zvard resolutely, pushes FAT H ER aside, and picks up the telephone and dials with an air of determina­ tion. M AN

One, one, zero. ( He pa.uses, his finger inserted in the zero . ) Leave at once ! Otherwise, I have only to release my finger and I'll be connected. YOUNGER S O N : To the police? ELDEST D A U G H TER : Aren't you carrying things a bit too far? FAT H ER ( perplexed ) : It's a misunderstanding . . . a complete misunderstanding. M A N : I have no time to bandy words with you. I'll give you until I count ten, that's all. I advise you to start getting ready. (He starts to count slowly. ) MAN :

stands menacingly before M A N . He looks at the family to see whe ther they want him to go ahead.

YO U N G E R S O N

( sharply ) : Stop ! I forbid you to use violence. M OT H ER : Yes, we don't want people saying bad things about us. Stop it ! ELDER so N : H ow about, as a last resort, abiding by the will of the majority?

FAT H ER

Kobo A be

20

Man's attention is caught by the words ((will of the major­ ity." He slows down the speed of his counting.

Even if vve win a n1ajority decision, it'd still be picking on someone weaker than us, wouldn't it? E L D ER SON : Don't be an idiot. The vvill of the majority means ... F AT H ER : Let's drop the whole matter. VVe know which side is going to vvin anyvvay.There aren't any thrills in this game. GRA N D M OT H ER : Where might is master, justice is servant. M IDDLE DA U G H TE R ( so1newhat uneasy ) : What do you intend to do, anyway? M A N : That's what I'd like to knovv. When I count one n1ore, that'll make ten. F AT H ER : It can't be helped. If you think it's absolutely neces­ sary, do whatever you think best. It won't be very pleasant, but who knows ?-it n1ay prove n1ore effective in bringing you to your senses than repeating the san1e old argun1ents. M A N : Don't try to intin1idate me ! You're prepared, I take it ? I'n1 really phoning the police. FAT H ER : Go right ahead. M A N ( releasing his finger front the dial emphatically) : Don't say I didn't warn you ! M OT H ER ( sighs ) : It's true, just as they say, a child never knows its parent's love. M IDDL E D A U G H TE R ( sighs ) . : This is the test run. ELDEST

DA U G H TER :

. . . SCENE FOUR The telephone rings at the o ther end_. then stops as the call is put thro�igh. The mentbers of the faJnily b etray their tension in their express£ons as they stand around the telephone. YOU N GE R S O N puts a cigarette in his mo uth. GRA N D M OT H ER, with an

21

Friends

obsequious smile, tries to snatch away the cigarette, but Y O U N GE R SO N brusquely pushes h er hand aside and lights the cigarette. M A N is work ed up, but he k eeps himself on guard against the ja1nily.

: I'm sorry to bother you, but I've been intruded on by a crazy outfit . . . No, it' s not exactly a burglary . . . But there are eight of them. I've tried in every way I know to persuade then1 to leave, but they absolutely refuse to listen .. . No, it's not a vendetta or anything like that. They're total strangers . . . Yes, forced entry would. be about right. I suppose you could call it a kind of burglary in that sense . . . That's right, eight of them . . . I? I 'n1 all alone . . . \i\/ill you? Sorry to bother you. The place-it's a little hard to explain. \i\1 ould you mind telephoning 467-0436 and asking the superintendent for directions. That's her num­ ber. My name is H omma and I'm in Apartment 12 . . . No, I don't think there's any immediate danger of violence, but there's no telling under the circumstances . . . Yes, I'd appreciate that. I'll be waiting for you . . . ( He heaves a sigh and puts down the telephone. )

MAN

and ELDEST DAU G H TER smile to themselves, each with obvious satisfaction.

ELDER S O N ,

Y O U N GER S O N ,

( ad1nonishingly ) : There's nothing to smile about ! I'm sure he was quite in earnest in doing what he did. ELDER S O N : But how can I help smiling? Burglary, he called it ! Burglary ! If a cat denounced a mouse as a burglar you couldn't keep the mouse from smiling ju st by telling him he shouldn't. ELDEST D A U G H TER : I realize of course he doesn't mean any hann. YOU N GER SO N ( imitating NJan's voice ) : Yes, sir. There are eight of them, but I am all alone. FAT H ER

Kob o A be

22

The members of the fatnily start giggling again. MAN

( challenging thent ) : Don't be so stubborn. You still have a few tninutes left before the patrol car comes. I advise you not to waste your last chance. sticks her head out fron� the kitchen. Her face is smeared around th e 111outh with something she has been eating. GRA N D M OT H ER quickly surn1ises what has happened. YOU N G E ST DAU G H T ER

GRA N D M OT H ER:

Look at that! She's been nibbling something in

the kitchen. ( wiping her mouth and singing o u t ) : The menu for tonight is two bottles of milk, six eggs, a loaf of bread, one bag of popcorn, one slice of tnackerel, a pickle and some relish, two slices of frozen whalemeat, salad oil, and the usual spices. YOU N GER SON : Quite a sweet tooth, hasn't he? Is there nothing in the way of liquor? YO U N GEST DA U G H TER : Now that you mention it, there were two bottles of beer. 1'hat's all, I think. YOU N G ER soN : That's fine. I wanted a hair of the dog that bit me. ( He claps his hands in anticipation . ) M OT H ER: You can't drink it alone. Vv e've got to save it to drink a toast to our new friendship. ELDER soN : It's certainly not much of a menu in any case. You could find a better selection at a roadside diner. M I DDLE DAUGHTER : Leave worrying about dinner to me. Those ingredients are more than enough for n1e to make quite a decent soup. ( She goes to the kitchen. ) M A N : At last you've shown yourselves in your true colors. Out and out robbery is what I'd call it. The police will be here any tninute. Hovv do you plan to explain yourselves? FAT H ER ( calmly ) : You'll find out soon enough, when the time comes. M A N : What will I find out? YOU N GEST D A U G H TER

23

Friends

There's nothing for us to explain, is there ? We' re not doing anything we feel especially ashatned of. M AN : Well, can you beat that ? You talk as if you have the right to install yourselves in here. On what grounds can you j ustify-

E LDEST DAU G H T ER :

M OT H E R

pauses in her unpac!?ing of her suitcase.

But you're all alone here, aren't you ? M IDDLE DAUG H TE R ( through the kitchen door ) : It's terrible being alone. It's the \Vorst thing that can happen to any­ body. ELDEST DAUG H TE R : Yes, loneliness is bad for a person. In the first place, it makes you lose all resilience. M AN : Supposing that's true, what business is it of yours ? FAT H ER : We're your friends. vVe can't abandon you, can we ? M A N : l\1 y friends ? FAT H ER : Of course we are. There are millions, even tens of millions of people in this city. And all of them are total strangers . . . Everywhere you look you see nothing but strangers . . . Don't you think that's frightening ? There's no getting around it, we all need friends. Friends to help us, friends to encourage us. GRANDMOT H ER : In traveling, a companion; in life, sympathy. A wonderful thing, isn't it ? YOUNGER S O N ( to FAT H E R ) : Can't I have j ust one bottle of beer ? M AN ( nearly screa1ning ) : I've had enough ! I'm quite happy being alone. I'll thank you to stop your uncalled-for med­ dling. I don't want your sytnpathy. I'm enjoying my life j ust the way it is. FAT H ER ( hesita11tly ) : But in general it' s true, isn't it, that lunatics claim that they alone are sane ? M AN : Lunatics ? FAT H ER : Forgive me. I was using the word entirely by way of a simile. M OT H ER :

Kobo A b e

24

As long as you're on the subject of lunatics, the descrip­ tion suits you all very well. FAT H ER : Of course, it's difficult to define what we mean by a lunatic. MAN :

sits before the mirror and begins to apply vanish­ zng cream. M OTHER

Nobody actually knows himself as well as he thinks he does. ELDEST D A U G H TER ( suddenly clapping her hands ) : That'S right! I just ren1en1bered, I know a shop where they sell neckties that would look marvelous on you. I'll take you there the next tin1e I go. M OT H ER ( reproving ) : Instead of talking about such things you'd do better if you started helping in the kitchen. My ston1ach is beginning to tell 111e I need son1ething to eat. ELDEST D A U G H TER ( sulking ) : Lend me your nail polish ren1over, will you ? GRA N D M OT H ER : I'm in charge of dividing up the jam ! M A N : Who the hell are you all anyway? YOU N GER S O N ( with an air of arrogant assurance ) : I'll tell you this once and for all-the n1ost in1portant thing for any­ body to learn is how to get along with other people. A n1an who can get along \vith other people \Vill stay out of trouble. ELDER S O N : It has been proven statistically that n1ost crin1inals are anti-social. FAT H ER : Be that as it may, please trust in us, and feel secure in your trust as a passenger on a great ocean liner. I'n1 certain that one day you'll need us and be grateful to us. M A N : I've had all I can stand of your high-pressure salesn1an­ shi p. Of all the colossal nerve! F AT H ER : But we have no choice. You consider yourself to be a hun1an being, don't you? It stands to reason, then, that it is your privilege, and also your duty to live in a manner worthy of a human being. M OT H ER :

25

Friends

b egins to strum the melody of ((The Broken Necklace'' on his guitar. M IDDLE DA U G H TER emerges from the hitchen and b egins to sing the song, still p eeling a carrot. The p eel hangs down to the floor in a long, un­ broken coil. YO U N GER soN

.

M IDDLE DAU G H TER :

N ight time in the big cityN ow that the string is broken, the beads of the necklace Scatter here and scatter there In every direction. Poor broken necklace, where is the breast that warmed you once? \i\!hen did you leave it, where has it gone? Little lost beads, little lost beads.

. . . SCENE FIVE Two police1nen are led to the door of the apart1nen t by the S U P ER I N TE N D E N T 1.vho is a woman. The policemen have ap­ parently b een dropped some sort of hint by the SU P ER I N T E N D­ E N T; at any rate, they seem uncommonly lax in their demeanor. It may be that the S U P ER I N T E N D E N T has been on bad terms with the M A N , or that she may already have been bough t over by the fa 1nil}' , or it simply n�ay be that she is pretending to be neutral for fear of ge tting involved-this is no t clear. ·

The S U P E R I N T E N D E N T points out the door of the Man's apart­ ment and starts to make a hurried exit, but the M ID DLE-AGED POLICEMA N , with a uwy sntile, plucks her back by the sleeve, his gesture suggesting a man catching a bug. The YOU N G

Kobo A be

26

puts his ear to the door and listens to the sounds emanating from within, consulting his wristwatch as he does so . Then, with great deliberation, he presses the b ell next to the door. POL ICE M A N

rushes to the door in resp onse to the bell, all b ut knock­ ing down the mentbers of the family nearest to him (probably GRAN Dl\10T H E R and M I DDL E DA U G H TER ) , and p ush es the door open. Th1:s act-i on barely 1nisses causing the YOU N G POL ICE M A N t o fall o n his ear. MAN

MAN

( fiu rried, b ut V)ith great eagern ess ) : Oh, I'n1 sorry. Well, this will give you an idea of the situation. Come in, please, and have a look for yourself. The culprits are still holding out. I'n1 glad you got here in tin1e. Oh, there are t\vo of you? ( He not1. c es S U P E R I N T E N D E NT. ) It's good to have you along too, to back n1e up. Please step right in. Don't mind about me. The policemen and S U PERI NTE N D E NT, at his urging, go inside. The M IDDL E-AGED POL ICE M A N, standing at center, runs his eyes professionally over the fanzily. They betray no no ticeable agitation. With absolute self-possessl:on, th ey all stop whatever they were doing and return the police­ nzan' s suspicio us stare with smiles and nods that all but overflow with a sincerity that could only co1ne fro1n the heart.

MAN

( excitedly ) : They're eight of then1 altogether. The other one's in the kitchen. enters front the hitchen, wzpzng her mouth. She obviously has been nibbling again. GRA N D­ MOT H ER gives the girl a severe look and starts to scold, but F AT H ER and ELDER S O N restrain her casually.

YOU N G E ST D AU G H TER

YOU N GEST D A U G H TE R :

Here I am.

Friends

27

Say hello to the gentlemen. YOU N GEST DA U G H TE R (in a childish� b ashful manner ) : Good . eventng. M IDDLE-AGED POLICE M A N ( c onfused ) : Htnmm. Well then, what's the offense ? MAN ( failing to catch the words ) : Excuse n1e? YOU N G POL I CE M A N : Their offense-what specific InJury have you suffered ? M A N ( indignant ) : I don't have to specify, do I ? You've caught them red-handed in the act. M OT H ER :

The memb ers of the family continue to smile ) quite un­ perturbed. Th eir snziles are confident and beyond all suspi­ cion. M A N ) however) has becotne so upset by th e passive attitude of the p olicenzen that he is flustered and does not seent to have beco1ne aware of the p erformance the family is putting on. M IDDL E- A G ED POLICE M A N looks as if the stnile tactics of the family have got the b e tter of hi1n. He lowers his eyes to his notebook and reads as he speaks.

According to the cornplaint, illegal entry has occurred on these premises. M A N : That's it precisely! M IDDLE-A GED POL I CE M A N : In other words, even though you, the injured party, have plainly indicated to the parties responsible for the injury your wish that they not intrude into your apartment .. . M A N : Naturally I've indicated it. M IDDLE-A G ED POL IC E M A N : The offenders have brutally ignored or resisted the wishes of the injured party ... M A N : Ignored i s a mild word for it. M IDDLE-AGED POLI CE M A N : Have you got any proof? M A N: Proof ? YOU N G POLICE M A N : Have you any evidence of violence a doctor might be able to put in a medical certificate-broken bones or bruises ? M IDDL E-A GED

POL I C E M A N :

Kobo A be

28

(losing his tentper) : I don't need any such evidence. All you have to do is look. They're eight against one. M IDDL E-AGED POLICE M A N (considers this seriously ) : Eight against one and not a single bone broken? That makes it a little harder to prove violence, doesn't it?

MAN

does no t speak and the YOU N G POL ICE M A N lets his glance run over the smiling faces of the members of the family. M AN

(to M IDDL E-A G ED P O L IC E M A N ) : The ques­ tion would seem to arise, rather, why the complainant should have conceived such hostility towards these people -his n1otives, I mean. M A N (dum founded ) : Do you suspect me! M IDDL E-AGED POL ICE M A N : It's not that we suspect you. But complaints lodged over private, family matters often create a lot of trouble for us. M A N (in earnest ) : This is preposterous. These people are com­ plete strangers !

YO U N G

POLICE M A N

The memb ers of the fam·ily, exchanging glances, smile sadly ,· one or two rub their chins as much as to say, ((There he goes again!)) and others wink at the policenten, enlist­ ing their support. A ll remain silent as b efore. (to YOU N G P O L IC E M A N ) : What are we to do about this, anyway? YOU NG POLICE M A N (to M A N ) : I'd be glad to offer my services in helping to patch up the difficulties amicably. M A N ( ahnost writhing with impatience ) : Why can't you trust what I say? I tell you I have absolutely no connection with these people. It doesn't make sense to talk of patching up our difficulties amicably. YO U N G P O L ICE M A N : That's a little hard to believe. M IDDL E-A GED POLICE M A N : Have you any positive evidence that these people are strangers, as you claim? M IDDL E- A G ED

POL IC E M A N

29

Friends MAN :

Why don't you ask them ?

The men�bers of the family n�aintain their smiles intact. They even contrive to tningle a sub tle suggestion of em­ barrassment in their smiles, ex'actly as if they were synt­ pathizing with the policemen's predicament, or feeling embarrassment themselves over the deranged behavior of one of their own family.

: That won't be necessary. J think I've got a pretty good idea of the essential points. It's tny conclusion that there has been no injury to speak of. M A N ( so enraged he stamnters ) : I'm disgusted. What more can I say to convince you ? ...And if you go on insisting that there has been no injury, even after what's happened, well, there's nothing left for me to say. M IDDLE-AGED POLIC E M A N : Excuse me for mentioning it, but you wouldn't be suffering from a persecution complex, would you ? M A N ( to SUPERI N T E N D E N T ) : YOU can tell then1, ma'am, can't you ? You know I'm the one who's always paid the rent. And ·the name-the apartment is registered in my name, and letters are delivered regularly here to me, under my name.That's right, isn't it ? This is my apartment. There's no doubt about it. I'm the only one with any rights here. That's correct, i sn't it ? You can surely vouch for n1e, can't you ? SU P ERI N T E N D E N T ( irritated ) : Well, I can't say for sure. M A N : You can't say for sure ? SUPERI N T E N DE N T : I've alway s made it my practice, as long as a tenant pays the rent promptly each month, never to butt into his private life. M A N : But at least I can ask you to vouch for the fact that I am the tenant. SUPERI N TE N D E N T : I'd rather not go into such things, but you

M IDDLE-AGED

P O LICE M A N

Kobo A be

30

know, in a place like this the person living in an apartment isn't always the same as the person who pays the rent. MIDDL E-A GED POLIC E MA N : I can imagine. SU P E RI N T E N D E N T : Take the case of a young, unmarried woman, living alone . . . A t once F A T H ER and YOU N GER S O N react, but they restrain each oth er and instantly revert to the virtuous smiles they have displayed up to n ow. GRA N D MOTH E R begins to search the desk drawer.

Hmmm. I see. SUPERI N TE N D E N T : In extreme cases we may be sent money orders without even the sender's name. M A N ( furious ) : But I . . . I signed and sealed the contract, didn't I? MIDDLE-AGED POLICI: MA N : Come, now. You mustn't get so ex­ cited. Of course I understand your problem, but if there's no injury worth reporting at this stage .. . M A N : But it's illegal entry, isn't it? It's trespassing, isn't i t? YOU N G POLIC E MA N : We always ask the concerned parties in such private disputes to try to settle then1 among them­ selves. The police have their hands full as it is, what vvith the shortage of men. MA N : I've told you, haven't I, these people are total strangers. MIDDLE-A G ED P OLIC E MA N : Well, in the event you suffer any specific injuries, please don't hesitate to get in touch with us again. ( He winks to the fantily, as much as to say that he has sized up the situation perfectly. ) It doesn't look as if I can write a charge-it won't make a case. I'm sorry to have bothered you all. MOT H ER ( as if the thought has suddenly struck her ) : Oh, are you leaving so soon? And to think I haven't even offered you so much as a cup of tea. MIDDLE-A G ED POLIC E MA N : Please don't bother. M A N ( utterly bewildered ) : But . ..just a second . ..what do MIDDLE-AGED P OLIC E MA N :

31

Friends

you mean by . . . I've never heard of such a damned stupid . . . What am I going to . . . it's crazy. No matter how you look at it. The SUPER I N T E N D E N T and the policemen ignore M A N, who runs after them as if to implore their help. They go out very quickly and shut the door behind the1n. Once outside they exchange sarcastic grimaces and exit at once.

. . . SCENE SIX strik es a chord on his guitar, as if by way of a signal. The s1niles that seemed to have b een imprinted on the eight faces of the family are instantly replaced by their normal expressions. YOU N G E R

SON

( consolingly ) : That, my friend, is what people mean when they talk of good, common sense. ELDER S O N : Good, common sense, and at the same time, ac­ complished fact. GRA N D M OT H ER : The proof of the pudding is in the eating. ELDEST DAUG H T ER : It seems to come as quite a shock to him. He's still standing there in a daze. M OT H ER : It'll do him good to have such an experience once:. YOUN G E S T D AU G H TER : I don't understand him. Why, even a child knows how lonely it is to be without friends. YOU N GER SO N : His whole outlook's warped. He's bluffing, that's all. M I DDL E DAUG H TE R : I wish it wouldn't take him SO long to understand what a miserable thing loneliness is, and how lucky he is to have us . . . ( She seems to be addressing herself to M A N only. She wraps the long peel from the carrot around her n eck . ) FAT H ER

Kobo A b e

32

( suddenly turning o n her ) : I've had all I can stand of your meddling. FATHER ( as if r easoning ·with himself ) : It's certainly irritating, but this is no time to lose, my temper. Patient care is the only way to treat the sick. M IDDLE D A U GHTER : \t\Tould you like a glass of water? M A N ( untnoved ) : Stop bothering n1e! I swear, I'll get rid of you, if it's the last thing I do. You can make up your minds to that! I tell you I won't stand being humiliated this way! ( unwrapping the carrot p eel around her MIDDL E DA U GHTER nee!�) : If we don't do something about it, the broken neck­ lace will never be the same again. I sn't there anything \Ve can do to convince him of our sincerity? ELD EST DA U GHTER : Hump£. Such exquisite sensitivity! M IDDL E DA U GHT E R ( with an abrup t shift of tnood ) : Don't act so sour! FATHER : Now, no\v-don't forget, anybody \vho creates dis­ sension or starts a quarrel n1ust pay a fine. G RA N D M OTHER ( still rumnzaging through the desk} but her tone is magnanimous ) : It's a long lane that has no turning . . . There's nothing worth n1aking a fuss over. M IDDL E D A U GHTER ( to YOU NGE ST D A U GHTER ) : Come on, help me in the kitchen. G RA N D M OTHE R ( sharply ) : This time don't do any nibbling on the sly. It's disgraceful. MAN

YOU N GE S T D A U GHTER

sticks out her tongue} then exits 'lvith

MIDDL E DA U GHTER.

( suddenly b ecoming aware of Grandtnother) s suspzczous activities ) : It's all very well for you to talk, but what are you doing there, anyway? GRA N D M OTH E R : I was just looking for a cigarette. M A N : Cut it out! Stop acting like a sneak thief! G RA N D M OT H ER ( u.1ith exagge rated dis1nay ) : Oh-I'm a sneak thief, am I? MAN

Friends

33

Of course you're not a sneak thief. I ask you all to refrain fron1 n1aking remarks that n1ight cast aspersions on anyone else's character. ELDER S O N : How about setting a fine of 100 yen on any ren1ark which is decided by n1ajority vote to be offensive? FAT H E R : An excellent suggestion. Yes, that appeals to n1e. There's no such thing as being too discreet vvhen it con­ cerns a person's character, is there? GRA N D M OT H ER ( 11�z ore engrossed than ever in her search for cigarettes ) : In1agine calling n1e a sneak thief! A cigarette only turns to sn1oke, no matter who stnokes it. M A N : Stop rutnmaging that way through my desk! FAT H ER :

thinhing lze 'lt1ill stop GRA N D M OT H E R, steps forward autonta tically ) only for ELDER S O N to sticli: o ut his foot adroitly and trip hinz. M A N flops do'lvn nzagnificen tly. M A N,

ELDER S O N

: Oops-excuse me!

The fanzily at once rushes over to M A N in a body and sur­ rounds hZ:nz ) lifting hinz to his feet) 1'/tlassaging his back) brushing the dust from his suit ) and otherwise showering hinz with extreme attentions.

Are you sure you're all right? M OT H ER : You haven't hurt yourself? YOU N GER S O N : Can you stand okay? GRA N D M OT H ER : N 0 pain anywhere? FAT H E R : No broken bones? M A N ( freeing himself ) : Lay off, for God's sake! ELDER S O N ( apologetically ) : I'm sorry. I was just worried you might get so carried away by your feelings you would re­ sort to violence. M A N : Wouldn't you describe what you did as violence? ELDER S O N : Not in the least. It was a precaution against vio­ lence. YOU N GER S O N ( cheerfully ) : We won't let you get away with ELDEST DAU G H TER :

J(obo A be

34

that! Allowing yourself to get involved in a quarrel is just the same as starting one. You'll have to pay a fine. Or would you rather make amends in kind? E LDER SON ( dejectedly ) : I don't have to tell you how hard up I an1 for tnoney. E LD E ST D A U G H T ER: But even if he prefers to make amends in kind, it won't be easy. I-lo\v can anybody trip hin1self? YOU N GER SON : Can't you think of anything better to do than butt into other people's business? Do you plan to go on retnoving nail polish forever? It's just a n1atter of time before you dissolve your fingertips. ( To M A N . ) I wonder if you'd n1ind tripping n1y brother back? M A N ( angrily ) : Don't be an idiot ! YOU N GER SON : It can't be helped, then. I'll take over as your substitute. As soon as YOU N GE R SO N finishes speak1·ng he gets up and deftly trips E LDER SON, who tumbles over with a loud groan. YOU N GER SON at once drags ELDER SO N to his feet, only to trip hinz again, without allo'lving hinz an instan t's respite. He repeats this a third tinze, and is ab out to trip hinz a fourth tinte 'lohen M A N, unable to endure any 1n ore, cries out .

That's enough, for God's sake! M OT H ER ( relieved ) : At last, he's forgiven you. E LDER SON ( grintacing w£th pain and rubbing the snza1! of his back ) : Thanks. YOU NGER SON : V\T ell, what do you know? Perspiring seen1s to have relieved my hangover a little. GRA N D M OT H ER ( suddenly ) : I've found thetn! ( Sh e crutches a package of cigarettes. ) MAN :

takes a step in her direction only to rentem.ber im1·n ediately 1vhat h appened to hi111. the last ti1ne. He stops in his tracks. FAT H ER can't qu ite allow GRA N D M OT H ER to get away 'lvith it and ta/(es a1.vay the cigarettes. MAN

Friends

35

That's going too far, Mother. M A N : Sneaking around my desk like a cat. She's a regular cat burglar! (He puts o u t his hand, expecting to get bacl? his cigarettes as a matter of co urse. ) FAT H E R ( withdrawing his han d, so unding surprised) : \Vhat did you just say?

FAT H ER :

MAN

does not speak.

He called me a cat burglar! F AT H E R : A cat burglar! ELDER SON ( cahnly) : That calls for a fine. N un1ber one, right? F AT H E R ( his voice is strained ) : I see . . . \Vithout warning. it's con1e to this . . . I n1ay seen1 a little too n1uch of a stickler for the rules, but if we hope to live together an1icably . . . ELDER S O N : Yes, a rule's a rule . E L D E ST DACG H T E R ( 1nassaging her face ) : Just a n1innte. There's nothing to get so upset about. GRAKD1IOT H ER ( getting a ng ry ) : You're always trying to be different fron1 everyone else. ELDEST D AGG H T ER ( ignoring h e r ) : I think cats are sweet. I adore then1. They're the most aristocratic of all anitnals. E L D ER soN : But there's a big difference between cats and cat burglars, isn't there? ELD EST D A U G H TER : And there's also a big difference between burglars and cat burglars. GRA N DMOT H ER ( excited ) : Then you say I'n1 a cat? E L D E ST DAUG H TER: Don't be so conceited, Grandmother! GRA N D M OT H ER: But that's what he said . . . He plainly called me a cat burglar. ELDEST DAGG H TER : I'n1 sure he n1eant it as a complin1ent. FAT H ER: Now wait, please. The n1eaning is quite different; depending on whether the etnphasis was on burglar or on cat. In other words, did he mean a cat that resen1bled a burglar, or a burglar that resembled a cat? GRA N D:\IOT H ER:

36

Kobo A b e

I don't care what he said, I 'm not a cat. YOU N GER S O N : That's so, I guess. If you were a cat, Grandma, that'd n1ake us all half-breed cats. F A T H ER : Therefore the logical ·meaning must be a cat-like burglar. ELDER so N : That rates a fine, doesn't it ? ELDEST D A U G H TER ( persisting ) : Why should it ? He didn't say she was a burglar plain and simple, but a cat-like burglar. E L D ER soN : But a burglar's a burglar. The only difference is whether or not the word has an adj ective before it. G R A N D M OT H ER ( 1noaning ) : I 'm not a burglar ! ELDEST D A U G H T ER : Do you mean to say that applying a different adj ective doesn't change the meani ng of a word ? Well, that's the first I ' ve ever heard of that argument ! If a big fish and a little fish, a sunny day and a cloudy day, a decrepit old n1an and a snotty-faced kid, a brand-new car and an old buggy, a smiling face and a crying face all an1ount to the same thing, then there's no distinction either between a burglar man and a burglarized man. I 've never heard such a funny story. YOU N GER S O N : It looks as if you've lost the first round, brother. Eh ? ELDER S O N : A woman's superficial cleverness, that's all it is. ELDEST D AU G H TER ( assertively ) : A cat is a superb anitnal. M OT H ER ( indifferently ) : I don't like cats. ELDEST D A U G H TER ( her tone is eztrentely objec tive ) : They say that a di slike of cats is the mark of an egoist.YOU N GEST DAUG H TER ( sticking her h ead in jro1n the kitchen ) : But people who don't like cats often act like them . YOU N G ER S O N : You don't say ! That's not bad, you know . M OT H ER ( to Y O U N G ES T D A U G H T ER ) : Little children should be seen, not heard. YO U N GES T D A U G H TER : Hurry up and help US in the kitchen. ELDE S T DAU G H TER : I have more important things to do. We're having a serious discussion.

GRA N D M OT H ER :

Friends

37

Anyway, I 'm not a cat. ELDEST D AU G H T E R ( her tone be corning hysterical ) : Stop it, won't you ? I can't stand you speaking so sneeringly about cats. MA N ( finally having had all he can tahe ) : Won't you drop the whole thing, for pity's sake ? I can settle this by paying a hundred yen-right ? It's too ridiculous . ( He starts to look in his p oc!? ets for his wallet. ) E L D EST D A U G H T E R ( coque ttishly ) : Oh ? B ut that's cheating . After I \vent to all the trouble of taking your side . . . FAT H ER ( recovering hinzself) : That's right. You don't leave us tnuch to say if you're going to talk in such extren1es . . . We still haven't reached any conclusion, after all . . . The situation has become unexpectedly con1plicated. ( He continues to search his M AN : What's so complicated ? pockets. ) FAT H ER : I meant merely that our opinions continue to be opposed. E L D EST D A U G H T E R : Yes . You must remen1ber you aren't alone any more. There's son1 eone on your side. Anyway, cats are absolutely tnarvelous anin1als. MOT H ER : B ut I don't like them. G RA N D M OT H ER : I told you I wasn't a cat ! FAT H ER : There you have the problem. M A N : What difference does it make ? The long and short of it is that I have to pay a fine. Right ? FAT H ER : B ut the basic principle of cotnn1unal living is respect for the opinions of each person. M A N ( his 'Vo ice dropping sarcastically) : Is that so ? I 'm de­ lighted to hear it. I 'll be sure to remember that. ( He is still unable to find his UJallet� and begins to look rather 'Worried. He tal?es his coat franz its hook on the wall and starts to search the pochets. ) F A T H E R ( to the others): \Vhat do you say, all of you ? \Vouldn't this be a good point to try to put son1e order into the disG RA ND M OT H ER :

38

Kobo A be

cussion ? N ow, if you'll permit me to express my optnton, the question, it seems to me, is whether the animal known as the cat-when, for example, it is con1pared with the dog . . . E L DEST DA U G H TE R : There's no comparison ! YOU N GER S O N : Still, nobody ever talks of a dog burglar. E L DEST DAU G H T E R : That's because dogs are stupid. E LD E R SO N : That's a lie. ELDEST DA U G H TER : What do you know about it ? ELDER S O N : There are police dogs, but I 've never heard of po­ lice cats. E L D E ST D A U G H T E R : Of course not. Cats have a higher social status. M OT H ER : B ut, it seems to me, cats are lazy. YOU N GER S O N : Wait a second. Hard workers don't necessarily get very far. ELDEST D A U G H TER : That's precisely it. YO U N GER S O N : But if you'll pern1it me to express tny own pref­ erences, I like dogs better. ELDEST DAUG H T ER : 1'hey certainly suit you . Let sleeping dogs lie. Go to the dogs. Lead a dog's life . . . YOU N GER S O N : Don't be too sure of yourself \vith cats, you caterwauling, cat-calling, caterpillar . . . ELDEST DAU G H TER : Every dog has his day. YOU N GER S O N : Catnip is to a cat as cash to a \Vhore in a cat­ house. ELDEST DAUG H T ER: Dog eat dog. Die like a dog. Dog in the manger. ELDER SO N : You see-friends and foes are all confused . A n1a­ j ority decision is the only \vay, Father. M A N : I wish you'd drop the \Vhole thing. A tnaj ority decision ! (He is still searching frantically. ) ELDER SON : At this rate ·we'll never get to eat dinner. M IDDLE D A U GHTER : ( etnerging fro nt the kitchen V..J ith a frying pa,n in her hand ) : Sorry to keep you waiting. Dinner w ill

Friends

39

be ready 111 j u st a few n1i nutes. Sis, please help tne dish out the food . M A N ( pauses in his search) v.Jith veh ernence ) : Dinner-of all the crazy nonsense ! \Vhat crass nerve, here, in n1y house ! Li sten, I warn you, I intend to use every n1eans at tny disposal to obstruct anything you do. ( To :\1 I D D L E DAU G H ­ T ER. ) Get rid of that 1ness. Thro\v it in the garbage can, 110\V ! M I DDL E DAUG H T E R (reco iling) : But that \Vould be a terrible waste ! FAT H ER ( looks into the frying pan ) : Mn1n1. It certainly sn1ells good. ELDER SO N : I'n1 convinced that food is n1eant to be eaten with lots of con1pany. N othing is drearier than shoveling in a quick n1eal. I can tell you that fron1 tny own personal ex­ penence. M A N: unfortunately, there are some people whose tempera­ ment is such that they prefer to live alone. E L D E R s o N : Vv ell, I can see that once you've argued yourself into a point of view you'd want to stick to it. U/hile th e:,' are taU:ing

:M I D D L E D AU G H TER

exits.

My sister used to take a course in cooking. (At last she gets u.p and starts to'lvard th e hitch en. ) G RA N D M OT H ER ( to ELDEST DAU G H T ER ) : J'n1 in charge of divid­ i ng up the j an1. ELDEST DA U G H T E R : It's quite son1ething to have been able to make a curry \vith the ingredients she had. ( She exits.) YOU N GE R SON ( stifling a �vawn) : I feel n1ore l ike sleeping than eating now . . . My hangover is beginning to take its toll. GRA N D MOTHER: I'm no good \vithout n1y food. I can't get to sleep without first putting n1y tapeworn1 to bed. M A N ( strangely self-possessed ) : In that case, you should stay a\vake all the time. Stay awake for years, or n1ayhe dozens of years, as long as you like. I warned you, didn't I, that I ELDEST D AU G H T ER:

Kobo A be

40

intend to do everything in my power to obstruct you ? That wasn't an en1pty threat. I assure you I intend to carry it out. I '11 make sure you don't get to eat even a slice of bread. GR A N D M OT H E R : Why won't we ? , E LD ER S O N ( 7t�ith a faint stn,ile ) : He talks exactly as if he' s turned into a magician or son1ething, doesn't he ? M A N ( walking toward the !?it chen ) : You're goi ng to laugh on the wrong side of your faces ! M OT H ER ( to the people in the kitch en} in a casual voice ) : You've put away everything harn1ful, haven't you ? M IDDLE D A U G H T ER ( fro1n the kitch en ) : Of course we have. I 've hidden everything-the tile clean ser, the rat poison, the cockroach spray. They're in a safe place. YOU N GE R SO N ( in a loud voice ) : It might be a good idea, while you're at it, to stow away the detergents and soap powder too. M IDDLE DAU G H T ER: Right. MAN

stops in his tracks in duntb confusion at th e kitchen

door.

You see ! He intended to use one of then1 . YOU N GER S O N ( to M A N ) : You planned to use a spray to squirt foam over the dinner, didn't you ? FAT H ER ( a consoling expression on his face ) : For good or for evil, everybody tends to think, tnore or less, along the satne lines. YO U N GER S O N : Foan1-that reminds me-beer ! ( A s if appeal­ ing for syntpathy he loo!?s up at ceiling. ) ELDER S O N :

W"hile th e preceding conversation has been go ing on M OT H ER has at last finished rentoving her 111ake- up. She puts away her beauty aids and} rising to her feet, turn s to face th e others. A ll of a sudden she tal?es h old of h er hair and pulls up, to reveal she is wearing a V.)ig. She blows into the 7t�ig_. fans it u1ith her hand} and after shaking it out th oroughly, puts it back on her head.

Friends

41

( to M A N , zvith an artificial laugh ) : You don't mind, do you ? You're not a stranger any n1ore, after all. ( A bruptly changing h e r tone. ) By the way, what ever happened to the fine we were talking about ? FAT H ER ( p erplexed ) : We didn't seen1 to be able to reach any conclusion in our discussion of cats, and the person i n question doesn't seen1 very enthusiastic about a n1aj ority decision. M A N ( searching frantically through all his p oc!?ets, and even in the cuffs of lu's trousers, zvith an intense display of deter­ nzination ) : I 'll pay, I tell you . You don't suppose I want to be in your debt for a mere hundred yen ! I 'n1 paying, not because I recognize I was at fault, but sin1ply because I don't feel like arguing over anything so extretnely stupid. M OT H ER

The attention of th e entire fa1nily is at last attracted by his distraught actions, and they observe h i1n carefully. M A N suddenly stops searching, a s if he foun d what he was lool?­ ing for.

Damn it ! That's funny . M OT H ER : Was it your wallet ? Or do you carry your 1noney loose ? M A N : I carried it in a wallet with n1y monthly ticket . . . I can't . . 1n1ag1ne . . .

MAN :

The glances of the others converge at the san1,e 1notnent in accord on ELDER so N . He returns their gaze. There 1:s a n1o1-nent of silence.

What's the matter with you all ? Have I done something wrong ? YO U N GE R SO N ( crooking his index fi,nger to suggest a ro bber zv£th a gun ) : Did you do it, brother ? ELDER SO N ( w i t h feigned innocence) : What are you talking about, anyway ? FAT H ER ( uneasily ) : It's not true, is it ? I 'n1 sure you wouldn 't ELDER

SON :

Kobo A be

42

stoop to that sort of thing . At a critical moment like this \Ve n1ust, above all, sho\v the greatest respect for the integrity of the individual . YOU N GE R soN : But he's got a criininal record, you knovv. ELDE R soN : Stop it ! You're ruining my reputation ! A t th is jun c t u re the people in the kitchen b egin to stick

out

their heads an d o bserve wh at is g o i n g o n . Everybody of course has committed youthful indiscretions. ELDER soN : Haven't I told you I've cmnpletely washed n1y hands of all that ? M OT H ER : Please . Look into Mother's eyes. Yes, look straight into n1y eyes. E L D ER SON : I've cotne back to you, haven't I ? You can see that I have . . . I learned, so vvell it hurt tne, how wonderful it is vvhen people can tru st one another and what a blessing it is \Vhen people 'W·ho trust one another can live together. So I can1e back to you, from that horrible world \Vhere every n1an is a stranger . . . Do you think I'd betray you all ? N o, stop it, please . . . 1\s far as I 'n1 concern eel, the one thing that n1akes life vvorth living is being together, hand in hand. GRA N D �I OT H ER ( a ppa re n tly uni1n pressed ) : You aren't trying to n1ake us cry, are you ? E L D E R soN : I'm serious. I assure you . YOU N G ER SO N : I'll bet i f ever I tried to lie seriously I could really \vann up to it. ELD E R soN ( u n certain h ou.J he sh o uld rea c t to th is c o m m e n t, b e ­ t raying his c o nfusion n1o1nentarily ) : I understand the situ­ ation perfectly . . . A nd I'n1 g1acl . . . I don't feel in the least offended. I ' n1 flattered you should retain such a high opinion of n1y former skill. M OT H ER ( broodin,g ) : Then , you tnean . . . ELDER SON : I leave it to your in1agination . FAT H ER ( enzbarrassed ) : That \von 't do . . . You , better than YOU N G ER

SO N :

Friends

43

anyone else, are in the position to put the matter straight. Ho\v can you speak of leaving it to our i1nagination ? I thought we had pro1nised not to recognize private preroga­ tives when it came to tnoney. ELDEST D A U G H TER : Yes, he himself -vv as the first to propose that. YO U N GE R S O N ( as if reading aloud ) : As previously agreed, in cases -vv here suspicions have been aroused -vv ith respect to n1onetary n1atters, no one, \Vhosoever he 1nay be, for what­ ever reason, n1ay refuse a request for a body search. GRA N D M OT H E R : Love flies out the window \vhen poverty comes in at the door. FATH E R : I can't understand it. You have the best brains of the lot of us, there' s no getting around it. And you're amenable to reason . \J\T e all depend on you . It's really intolerable that -vv e should have to treat you like a defendant in court. ELDER S O N ( laughs ) : You have nothing to worry about. FAT H ER ( relieved ) : Then you're innocent ? M OT H ER : You should have set our tninds at rest sooner. ELDER S O N : I rr1ean, I haven't done anything that -vv arrants a physical examination. suddenly raises his h and and reveals that he is ) holding Man s wallet. The following dialogue by 1�nembers of th e fantily occurs ahnost simultaneously'.

ELDER SON

YOU took it, then ! ELDEST D A U G H TER : You've got to keep your eye on him every minute. YOU N GEST D A U G H TE R : Take me on as your apprentice, won't you ? YOU N GER S O N : N ow I know why you're never short of cigarette money. :VI OT H ER ( firmly ) : Hand it over, here ! M OT H E R:

As M O T H ER steps forward ) l\I A N springs to his feet w1"th an inco111,Prehensib le cry and 1nakes a grab for Elder S on·' s hand. The wallet instan tly disappears.

Kobo A b e

44

( carried away, searching Elder Son's p ocl?ets ) : What've you done with it ? Give it back ! ELDER SON : Oh, you're tickling n:e ! ( He holds up his hands, as before a gunman, and twists hintself free. ) M OT H ER ( severely ) : You know the rules, don't you ? I take charge of the safe. ELDER SON ( to M A N ) : I surrender ! If you would kindly look in the right hand pocket of your pants . . .

MAN

doubtfully puts his hand into his poc!?et and with an incredulous expression h e produces the wallet. MAN

: This is it, all right. YOU N GEST D A U G H TER ( clapping h er hands ) : He's a regular wizard ! M IDDLE DA U G H T E R ( reproving ) : You mustn 't say that ! You're not to adtnire hin1. M OT H ER ( to ELDER soN , angrily ) : Haven't you done quite enough ? Su rely you can't have forgotten all about your own family. M A N ( turning wallet upside down and shak: ing it ) : Not a thing. There's not a penny in it . . . ( He stands there glar£ng at E L D E R SO N , grinding his teeth, for the 1noment u nable to find even 'lt�ords of protest. ) ELDER S O N ( apparently enjoying it ) : A pro who couldn't do that tnuch wouldn't be worthy of the nan1e. M OT H ER : I \Von 't allow it-sneaking off with other people's n1oney. GRA ND M OT H ER : Like a cat burglar ? M OT H ER ( to M A N ) : How much was in it ? M A N : How should I know ? M OT H E R ( to F AT H E R ) : Don't j ust stand there, without saying anything. Don't you think it'll set a bad example if we shut our eyes to this sort of thing ? FAT H ER : That's right, a very bad exatnple . . . Still, I don't understand it . . . I thought we'd thrashed the whole thing MAN

Friends

45

out, only to find you're still keeping secrets fron1 us. Why do you do it ? It's not like you. M OT H ER : I beg you, don't n1ake your mother any unhappier than she already is. ELDER SO N ( blandly ) : That's what you say, M other, but were you really so confident you could fleece this guy out of his n1oney entirely by persuasive tactics? M OT H ER : Fleece hin1 out of his n1oney ? I was going to take custody of it ! ELDER SO N ( to M A N ) : Are you willing to let my n1other take custody of your property ? M A N : Take custody of my property ? She could ask till she was blue in the face and I'd still refuse! FAT H ER : There's no getting around it. 1tl oney troubles are the worst cause of dishannony an1ong friends. M A N ( his anger returning ) : Can it ! You've got no cause to call n1e one of your friends ...And as for taking custody of my property . . . I 'm getting nauseous. You give n1e cold chills. ELDER SO N ( to the o thers ) : Now you have a pretty good idea of the situation. You couldn't call him exceptionally co­ operative. And he's j ust as attached to his n1oney as the next man.He wants to have his cake and eat it.You'll find he's a hard customer to deal with.Supposing I hadn't used n1y special talents . . . I can't help being rather skeptical about whether that money would've ended up, as we hoped, in Mother's safe. FAT H E R : That doesn't mean you have the right to grab it for yourself. ELDEST D AU G H T E R : That's right. Stealing a march on the rest of us is unfair. M OT H E R : I wonder if a person who always tries to get the lion's share for himself hasn't got son1ething twisted inside him ? It makes me unhappy. Y OU N GER SO N ( whispering into his brother's ear ) : I 'll go to •

J{obo A be

46

your defense, if you like, for a servtce charge of twenty per cent. ELDER S O N : Don't underestitnate n1e. l\:I IDDLE DAUG H T ER ( hesitan tly ) : '\Vhat do you intend to do about dinner ? GRA N D l\I OT H ER : I 'n1 in charge of dividing up the j an1. M A N ( suddenly b u rsting into a rag C' ) : Are you still yattering on about such things ? 'T'o talk about dinner, in the tnidst of this crazy farce ! Li sten to n1e. I'n1 the original victin1. No­ body else has a claitn on tny tnoney, and I want it back. \Vhat possible difference does it tnake \vhether he takes sole possession of the n1oney or two of you take it ? It's illegal either way. The fact is. it's tnine, and I 'n1 the only one qual ified to investigate what's happened to it. ( S'ud­ dC'nly h e h as an idea. ) That's right ! The situation has as­ sutned a cotnpletely new aspect . l\f y friend , you 've pulled a real blunder. You have enabled tne to file a fonnal con1 plaint. A flagrant act of pickpocketing has occurred . This titne there's no doubt about it. Even the tnetnbers of vottr fan1ily wil l testify. \Veil , are you going to give back tny tnoney ? Or will I have to bother the pol ice again ? F AT H ER : There's son1ething in what he says . . . As things stand, your old tricks have boiled do\vn to nothing n1ore than theft , plain and sin1ple. M OT H ER ( sighs ) : Y ott've really done a dreadful thing. FAT H ER : You've ruined everything. In order to carry out our n1i ssion of spreading love for our neighbors, we ourselves must be tnodels of neighborly love. M IDDL E DA U G H TER

steps fon.oard, seen-zingly unable to bear

-zvhat is happening. ( to ELDER S O N ) : \\Thy don't you say son1e­ thing ? Yott n1ust've ha·d sotne reason , surelv ? Say some­ thing. Don't j ust grin that way.

M IDDL E D A C G H TER

Friends

47

There are son1e things about which all you can do is grin . vVouldn 't you agree, brother ? M A N : It looks as if the wolves have finally shed their sheep's clothing. The salesn1en for Neighborly Love, Incorporated ! ELDEST DAUG H T ER ( fierce!}' ) : I 'n1 sick of it. After all we've gone through, I don't want the bother of tnov ing again . ( To E LD ER B ROT H ER . ) I suppose you think you're the only one with the privilege of doing exactly what you please ? Y O U N G EST D A U G H T E R ( in a lozv v o ic e ) : There's a cold wind blowing outside. GR A N D M OT H ER : I don't understand it. \\That devil got into hitn that he should have done such a thing ? ELDER S O N ( h is expression beco1nes severe ) : Your own short­ conlings don't seen1 to bother yon. FAT H ER ( soothing h itn ) : Believe tne, I understand what you've been going through . . . I understand perfectly . . . I'n1 sure you need tnore pocket n1oney . . . You'd like to lead a n1ore cheerful life . . . B ut you n1ust recognize the eternal law that happiness which is for yourself alone is certainly not true happiness . . . E LDER S O N : I an1 gradually losing n1y a1niability. M OT H ER : The brazen nerve of the thief ! ELDER so N : But, M other, haven't I been following the ideal of neighborly love ? Anything I have is yours, and anything you have is tn ine . . . Aren't you overdoing it a bit when you treat tne like a pickpocket or a th ief ? FAT H ER : I understand . . . I understand perfectly. E L D E ST D A U G H T E R : It doesn't help much , no n1atter how well you understand hitn . We're the ones who suffer in the end. ELDER S O N : You wouldn't be j aundiced because you can't do as n1uch yourself ? YOU N G ER S O N :

ELDEST

gesture.

D A U G H T ER

fla r e s up ;

F A T H ER

quiets her with

a

J(obo A be

48

Depending on the end, a certain leeway is permitted in the means. B ut the fundamental thing, of course, is the end. Neighborly love is a splendid ideal, but if it is only an ideal, it's a little too abstract; isn't it ? Why don't we think it through together ? What is the co1nmon end we all share ? E LDER so N : I wonder if any of you know how many times al­ together I have been insulted in the course of this argu­ nlent ? F AT H ER : "Insulted" is an exaggeration. It distresses me you should take it that way. l\1y only hope was that I might rouse you son1ehow fron1 your errors. ELDER s o N : Would you like to know ? Don't be too surprised­ fifty-three tin1es ! Y O U N G ER s o N : Fifty-three tin1es ? That's a little too precise ! ELDER SO N : I assure you, there's been no padding. I made a careful count. E LDEST D A U G H TER : Isn't that silly ? He has nothing better to do \vith his tin1e, it would seen1. ELDER SO N : There ! That makes fifty-four tin1es. M OT H ER : When someone of your age tran1ples the peace of the fan1ily underfoot, it's not surprising that he should be In­ sulted a hundred tirnes, or even a thousand times. ELDER S O N : Fifty-five times. FAT H ER :

apparently has a glim1nering of wha t his brother has in 1nind.

Y O U N GER

SON

Ah-hah . J 'n1 beginning to see . . . ELDER S O N : Now it's my turn to ask you a question. What are these ends you keep talking about that seem to j ustify everything ? M OT H ER : The family safe is one of then1. ( She holds ,up an unusually large purse that she tak es from h er suitcase . ) ELDER S O N : What' s this ? ( He pretends to peep inside. ) M other . . . there's quite a bulge in the pocket of that purse.

Y O U N GE R SO N :

Friends

49

( surpr-ised, looking inside the purse ) : Dear me, why it's . . . ( B ewildered, she tal�es out a handful of bills and change. ) Oh .. .how shocking ! ( She gives a forced laugh. )

M OT H ER

The next instant the faces of everybody present excep t M A N change completely in expression. Now they are all smiling.

I was completely taken in, I must say. ELDE ST DA U G H TER : You certainly more than live up to your reputation. FAT H ER : I have to apologize . . . M IDDLE DA U G H TE R : Oh, I 'm so glad. ( She looks around the fami[:y. ) We're all good people, aren't we? Y O U N GEST D AU G H T ER : I wonder if I should start practicing too. ( She flexes her fingers. ) M OT H E R : Really, it' s enough to take a person aback. He was always a n1ischievous child, but I never expected . . . ( Sh e renttoves h er glasses and starts to count t h e ntoney with an air of efficiency. ) M A N : Hey ! Stop it ! That' s my money ! You can deduct the 1 00 ven for the fine. YOU N GE R s o N :

"'

ELDER so N

blocks

M AN,

who starts to make a rush for the

ntoney.

You're wasting your time. I don't suppose you noted down the numbers of the bills or marked them?

ELDER

so N :

A t the same time

F AT H E R , Y O U N G E R S O N , E L D E ST D A U G H T ER ,

and even GRA N D M OT H ER form a kind of defensive setup around M OT H ER . It might be effective for YOU N GE S T DA U G H TER to brandish a cleaver.

YOU N G E S T D A U G H T ER

Y O U N G E R SO N :

You see how easy it is for trouble to arise over

money. A clever burglar absolutely refuses to touch anything except cash.

Y O U N G E ST

DA U G H TER :

50

Kobo A b e

( to ELDER s o N ) : Your own words prove that you your­ self adtnit that you've picked n1y pocket. ELDER so N ( playing the inn ocent ) : I picked your pocket ? ( He turns to fan�ily. ) Did I say anything like that ? M A N : You weren't the only one. The whole lot of you, without exception , all admitted it. E LDEST DAU G H TER : l don't know anything about it. GR A N D M OT H ER : Do you think any grandch ild of tnine would ever do such a wicked thing ? I wouldn't let hitn, even if he tried to. :M A N : You're all in cahoots to cover up for him, aren't you ? A.nd j ust a minute ago you were denouncing him so ! . to M OT H ER ( paying no atten tion to th e argun�ents around her ) M A N ) : Tell n1e, how much did you have ? M A N : I have no idea. ELDEST DAU G H TER : Pretty careless of hin1 not to know how tnuch he has in his own wallet. !\f i DDLE DA C G H TE R : A little carelessness tnakes a man more attractive. ELD EST DAU G H TER ( darting a sidelong glance at her) : Doing your best to n1ake a hit v:ith hitn , aren't you ? FAT H E R ( looking into 1vf other) s hands ) : \Vell, how much is there, anyway ? M OT H ER ( co1nplaining ) : Not much . 5 ,600 yen. That's all. FAT H ER ( frozons ) : 5 ,600 yen . . . ELDER s o N : I suppose it's j ust before his payday. M OT H ER ( sarcastically ) : I see. I 'm sure that explanation suits your conventence. ELDER S O N : There's something disturbing about your tone. M A N ( no t 1nissing th e chance ) : You see ! You're adn1itting to one another that you swiped the n1oney from me. FATH ER : Young man, if you're going to j un1p to such conclu­ sions, you'll n1ake it hard for all of us. People often con­ duct discussions on a purely hypothetical basis. M A N : Stop quibbling ! MAN

Friends

51

\Vell then, shall I concede a point and adtnit that the tnoney was yours ? But you don't even seen1 to know the an1ount of this valuable con1n1odity. Don't you realize that the world i s swarn1ing with sinister people who have their eye on other people's wallets ? The thought of it n1akes me shudder. M A N : Vv ouldn't you yourselves qualify without any trouble for n1e1nbership in that gang of sinister people ? F A T H ER : Don't be absurd ! We've acted entirely out of good will. We felt it our duty to protect your money by taking custody of it. M A N ( excitedly ) : \Vhat right have you anyway . . without even asking tne . . . FAT H ER ( ent phatically ) : It's a duty, a duty. I have no inten­ tion of insisting on any rights. M IDDLE DAU G H T E R ( heatedly ) : Yes. It's true even of cotnpa­ nies-they're all making n1ergers and an1algamations, aren't they ? And the san1e thing applies to hun1an beings too, I 'tn sure. T\\'O i s better than one, three is better than two. The n1ore people put their strength together, the n1ore . . . GRA N D M OT H ER : L.ittle drops of water, little grains of sand, n1ake a n1ighty ocean. M O T H E R ( still lool?ing suspiciously at ELDER SO N ) : But there's only 5,600 yen altogether. That won't last for two days, feeding nine people. ELDER S O N ( angrily ) : Y ou talk j ust as if it were tny fault. M OT H ER : I didn't n1ean it that way. E LDER SO N : After I tried to be sn1art, and save you son1e trou­ ble . . . ( In a self-mocking tone. ) This is what they n1ean when they talk of a tnan who's fallen so low in the world his arti stic accotnplishn1ents learned in happier days are his only support. F A T H ER ( trying to save the sit uation ) : What do you n1ean ? Haven't we all been praising your skill, without uttering so much as a word of con1plaint ? FAT H ER :

Kobo A be

52

( going up to M OT H ER ) : If that's the case, I wish you'd stop giving me that look. M OT H ER ( turning aside and �viping her glasses ) : It' s a lot harder than you suppose, trying to n1ake ends meet for a family of nine . . . ELDER s o N ( sits beside M OT H ER ) : I do understand, Ma. B ut I wanted you, if nobody else, to believe in me. In the course of less than ten tninutes I was insulted fifty-five times . . . and that by the people I trusted most in the whole world, n1y own fan1ily . . . It was painful, I tell you. M OT H ER ( hesitantly ) : Talking that way won't do any good . . . ELDER S O N ( ignoring her; to M A N ) : Payday in your con1pany n1ust cotne the day after ton1orrow or the next day, doesn't it ? ELDER

soN

is taken by surprise. He is unable either to affirm or deny this. MAN

( standing abrup tly ; speaking as he goes away from M OT H ER ) : So you see, Ma, there's no need for you t o worry over such a paltry sum of money, is there ? If people can't live a little more expansively . . . } M OT H ER ( with an expression that suggests she hasn t grasped the situation very well ) : I know, but no tnatter how much money you have, it alway s seems to sprout wings and fly away. ( Suddenly noticing something. ) Ohh . . . it's gone ! FAT H ER : What's gone ? M OT H ER ( to ELDER S O N ) : You've done it again, haven't you ? ( As she stands a 1 00 yen coin drops from her lap . ) ELDER soN

flashing the bills o_stentatiously} folds them and puts them in his pocket. ELDER s o N

Received with thanks the sum of 5 , 500 yen, repre­ senting fines collected from all of you for those fifty-five insults . Look, Ma, the missing 100 yen coin dropped on the floor. That's his share of the fine ( points at M A N ) . It's wonderful how exactly the accounts have balanced.

ELDER S O N :

Friends

53

They all stand 1no tionless, too dumfounded to say a word. A fairly long pause. ( her voice is like a moan ) : Dreadful, dreadful . . . ELDER S O N ( perfectly self-possessed ) : Words, like chickens, come home to roost. ( Turns back to M A N . ) I hope it's been a good lesson for you too. Now you know how severe the penalty is for betraying another person's trust . . . B ut of course, I O\Ve this extra incon1e all to you. It's too late today, but I 'll treat you to a drink, ton1orrow if you like. There' s nothing to feel squean1ish about. I got the tnoney con1pletely legally . . . Y... ou see, nobody can say a word agai nst it . . . Yes, it really serves as an obj ect lesson. M A N ( suddenly shouting ) : Get out of here ! I'll give you the money, only get out of here, now ! If it's not n1oney you want, I 'll give you anything else, only go! YOU N GE ST DAU G H TER ( playfully ) : Do you really n1ean it ? GR A N D M OT H ER ( hurrying to the kitchen ) : The j am is for me. You promi sed from the start. M A N : Go ahead. Take anything you like. Only go. M OT H E R

Th ey b egin to take their pick of th e things in the roo1n excitedly. But nobody as yet does anything positive. YOU N G ER

soN :

He's certai nly become a lot more generous,

hasn't he ? Do you mind if I look in the other rootn ? M A N : Go right ahead. Don't mind me. If you'd like the rats in the ceiling, you can have them too. But all thi s is on one condition-you leave at once. I'll give you five-no, ten n1inutes, that's the limit. I ·won't make allowances for even one minute beyond the deadline. FAT H ER ( timidly ) : I appreciate your kind intentions, but I wonder if two different questions aren't involved ? M A N : Two different questions ? FAT H ER : Your offer to turn over all your possessions to us, without holding anything back, is more than we dared hope ELDEST D A U G H TER :

Kobo A be

54

for. That i s precisely the way that true comrnunal living i s to be brought about . . . But when you tell u s that i n return we tnust leave you, aren't you guilty of something like a logical contradiction ? M I DDLE D A U G H TER : That's right . Living together is what gives tneaning to the act of sharing. YOU N G ER so N : \Vhat' s vours is tnine.. \vhat' s tnine is .; vours. ELDEST DA C G H TER : YOU smell of liquor ! YOU N G ER S O N : That's why I've been pleading with you to let n1e have a quick pick-me-up. M A N ( turning on F A T H ER ) : You can't have forgotten it was you yourself who claimed you respect the wi shes of the individual. F A T H ER : Of course I respect thetn. But you're not the only in­ dividual, are you ? M OT H ER ( to nobody 1�11 particular ) : If you ask n1e, there's noth­ ing here anybody'd want. The place lacks the bare necessi­ ties. It'd take a hit of doing even to n1ake it habitable. M A N : This is 'my apartment ! ) ELDER S O N ( coldly ) : This i s the apartment U-'e 've chosen. ) Y O U N G ER S O N ( trying o n Man s shoes) U'h ich have been left at the entrance ) : Well, what do you kno\v ? These shoes fit tne perfect I y ! "'

suddenly kneels on the floor. His 7.Joice) conz pletely altered) sounds pathetic. MAN

MAN

: Please, I beg you. Please don't torture n1e any more Of course I understand it's all a j oke-it is one, isn't it­ but I 'n1 exhausted . . . . I j ust don't feel like j oking . . . . Maybe sotnething I 've said has offended you, but please, I beg you, leave n1e here alone. MAN

� continuing to kneel) bou's h is head) like a victim

awaiting his sentence.

Friends

55

The 1ne1nbers o f the family, struck speechless, exchange glances. But their expressions are not merely of surprise­ h eartfelt syntpathy and pity seem to have shak en thent.

Stand up please, young man . ( He places his h and on Man's elb ow and helps him to his feet, then dusts his knees. ) It's embarrassing for us if you're going to act that way. Our only wish is to pron1ote your happiness in what­ ever way \Ve can, to serve you somehow . . . That's what first led us to come here. ELDER S O N : Or, it occurs to n1e, you may have subj ectively in­ terpreted our actions as being in sotne way opposed to your wi shes-clearly, a misunderstanding . . . In other words, there may exist a difference of opinion concerning means. M I DD L E D A U G H T E R ( enthusiastically ) : But hasn't it become warm in here, j ust because we're all together this way ? It feels j u st like spring, even without having our soup. E L D E ST D A U G H T E R : Spring ? It feels more like summer. Oh, it's hot ! ( Sh e rem oves her jacket and exposes her bare throat and an1ts. ) M A N ( weak ly ) : But I like being alone . . . M ID D L E D A U G H TER : \Vhy must you say su ch cruel things ? Y O U N GE R SO N ( sounds at the end of his patience ) : It can't be helped . Everybody's sick until his sickness gets better. FAT H ER :

So saying Y O U N GER s o N begins to strum his guitar. Th e following dialogue is declainted to the rhythm of the guitar. M I DDLE DA U G H T E R :

The streets are full of people, So full of people, they're ready to burst. Y O U N G ER S O N :

But everywhere you go, There're nothing but strangers.

Kobo A be

56 M IDDLE DAU G H TE R :

I'm still not discouraged, I go on searchingMy friends, where are you now, My loved ones, where are you now ? ELDER SO N :

They've gone to the pinball parlor. F AT H ER :

They've gone to a bar. M OT H ER :

To the beauty parlor or the department store. GRA N D M OT H ER :

They're eating eels and rice. Y O U N GEST D A U G H TER :

They're riding escalators, They're going to an amusement park. ( 1neditatively ; if necessary can be sung to music ) : And I have dreams. I dream of a streetcar on tracks that stretch far, far away. A streetcar packed with people goes running away over the tracks. Under the weight of all those strangers packed inside, it shoots off sparks. And in the sparks thrown off by all those innun1er­ able strangers, I am burnt to a crisp� like a little fish for­ gotten in the oven. YOU N GER S O N ( in a soft voice ) : Like a dried sardine, with only little bones.

ELDEST

D A U G H TER

M IDDLE D A U G H TER :

I 'm still not discouraged, I go on searching. My shining sun, where have you gone ? Come back and melt away my loneliness !

Friends

57

( whispering confidentially to M A N ) : That's why we've come all the way here. We heard your voice crying for help and we searched till we found you through the long dark tunnel they call other people. We wanted to bring you, if not the sun, at least the light from a glowing lun1p of coal. M A N ( driven into a corner) : I never cried for help. I . . . It refreshes me to be alone. ELDER SO N : That' s conceit, pure conceit ! Why, in prison the thing that hits you hardest is solitary confinen1ent. ( An expression of recollection crosses his face . ) ELDEST D A U G H TER : I 'm con�pletely hopeless when I 'n1 alone. Even when I'n1 left to look after the house, as soon as I'm by myself I feel as if I 'll go out of my mind. GRA N D M OT H E R : It's all written down in Mother Goose. Let me see, how did it go again ? ( To M OT H ER . ) You remen1ber, don't you ? M A N : I don't interfere w ith other people and I don't want to be interfered ·with myself. F AT H ER

begins to play with feeling ((The B roken N ecklace.JJ M IDDLE DAU G H TER sings to the tune. When they reach the second verse the telephone rings suddenly. For a m otnent they are all startled into attitudes of tableaux vivants. Y O U N GE R

SON

Shall I answer ? M A N ( confused ) : It's all right. I 'll go. ( He runs to the tele­ phone and grabs it) but he does not lift the recei7Jer at once. ) Will you do me a favor ? At least while I 'm talking on the phone, w ill you please keep quiet ? Y O U N GER S O N : At least while you're talking on the phone ? Have we been making so much noise ? FAT H ER : S hhh. ( He puts his hand to his lips and silences Y O U N G E R so N . ) Go right ahead. Don't worry about us. ( He ELDEST DAU G H T E R :

Kobo A be

58

looks to the side. A t the same time the o ther members of the fatnily st-rike p oses of ostentatious indifference. ) After ano ther brief hesitation} M A N resolutely lifts the re­ ceiver. But he is still worried about the family and his voice is extremely tentative .

Hello, yes, it's me. ( Pause. ) No, nothing special . No, I mean it, it's nothing . . . All right, then, good night . . . The day after tomorrow ? It's not necessary, I tell you. There's nothing I need your help on at this stage . . . Vvell, good night. You're going to bed, aren't you ? No, it's not that. \Ve can talk \vhen I see you again tomorrow.

MAN :

Sudden ly Y O U N G EST DAU G H TER emits a protracted strange noise in the process of stifling a great sneeze. M A N , alarnzed} covers the 1nouthpiece and glares at Y O U N GEST DAU G H T E R .

Shh ! M OT H ER : Do be quiet ! Y O U N GER so N : Stupid, isn't she ? ( He picks up his guitar with­ out thinking) and the guitar} bunzping against so1nething} resounds. ) ELDER S O N : You're the one that should be more careful . Y O U N G ER SO N : You're making more noise scolding me . . . M A N : I beg you, stop it please ! GRA N D M OT H ER : I don't understand. Why do you have to act so secret ? We're not hiding from the police, after all. ELDER S O N : It's from his girl. ELDEST D A U G H TER ( reacting sharply ) : H is girl ? ELDER so N : I've surveyed the whole situation. ELDEST D A U G H TER : But isn't that strange ? It's a complete con­ tradiction. After all his insisting that he prefers to be alone . . . M A N ( desperately ) : I beg you, keep quiet, please ! ( Into the telephone. ) I'm terribly sorry. There was a funny noise in the kitchen . . . vVhat ? Of course I 'rn alone . . . A sneeze ? A wornan' s sneeze ? Don't be silly. FAT H ER :

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59

I 've never heard anything so disgraceful. Stumbling all over the place. FAT H ER ( sinudtaneo usly ) : S hhh ! M A N ( instantly covering the tnouthpiece ) : I thought I told you to please shut up. E LD E ST DA U G H T ER : It may be your girl friend, or I don't care who, but why must you keep our being here a secret ? It's insulting. M A N ( into th e telephon e ) : Just a second, please. There's that funny noise again in the kitchen. ( He covers the mouth­ piece ) . Think a minute and you'll see why. How can I possibly explain such a thing so that an outsider could understand ? It's crazy . . . It'll only make things more complicated if I make a n1ess of explaining. Y O U N GER SON : Would you like us to explain for you ? FAT H ER : A good suggestion. We'll have to make it clear, sooner or later, whether \Ve're to ask her to j oin us or to break with him. ELDER S O N : Making things clear i s my specialty. ELDEST DA U G H T ER : It's easier for a woman to talk to another woman. ( protecting the teleph one fro rn ELDER S O N and ELDEST MAN DA U G H TER, both of 1.vhon� cotn e jor1.vard at the same 6tne ) : I give up. I surrender. But won't you please let me deal with her ? In return, yes, I agree to let you stay here for tonight only. That's fair enough, isn't it ? You can use any and all of my apartment, as you please . . . I promise not to interfere in any \vay with your meals . . . All I ask is that you keep quiet while I'm making this call. FAT H ER ( looking around at the o thers ) : He hasn't made any conditions that present special difficulties, has he ? ELDER SON and ELDEST DA U G H T ER ( simultaneously mov1:ng back ) : I suppose not . M A N ( hastily returning to the telephone ) : It wasn't anything. It must have been the wind . . . Hello . . . Hello . . ( He ELDER S O N :

.

Kobo A be

60

realizes that the o ther party has hung up on him and dazedly puts down the telephone. ) ELDEST DAU G H TER : Did she hang up on you ? M IDDL E DA U G H T E R : That wasn' t nice of her, was it ? unable to say a word} crouches b eside the telephone} his head in his hands. MAN,

He must really be in love with her. M OT H ER : Don't butt into gro·wn-ups' affairs. FAT H ER ( t o M A N ) : You know her phone number, don't you ? ELDER SO N : I know it. FAT H ER : Should we call and apologize ? M A N ( 'm oaning ) : I beg you, please leave things as they are. M IDDLE DAU G H T ER : Why don't you get to bed ? M OT H ER : That's right. I t n1ust be about time. M A N : I don't want you worrying about n1e. You don't suppose, in the first place, I could get to sleep with all the noise going on here. FAT H ER : Of course we intend to retire to the other room. Come on, everybody, get ready !

YOU N GEST DAU G H TE R :

Hardly has he spoken than the mentbers of the fanzily throw themselves into furious activity. ELDER SO N and Y O U N GE R SO N take a hanztnock front the ir suitcase and suspend it. M OT H ER and Y O U N GEST DAUG H T ER bring blankets in front the next room. GRA N D M OT H ER inflates an air pillow. ELDEST } DAU G H TER and M IDDLE DAU G H TER S'loiftly re111 07)e Man S outer clothes. Th en the zvhole fa1,nily lifts M A N willy-nilly onto the ha1ntnocli? . M A N shows sante resistance) but in th e end proves no tnatch for their organized acti'liity. By the ti11z.e M A N sits up in the ha1nmocli? the family has already withdrawn to the next roo1n. They peep in and throw M A N the ir radiant s;niles. FA M I LY

( whispering in unison )

:

Good night !

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61

sticks out her hand and switch es off the light in Man's room. The stage becomes dark with only a spo tlight on M A N . Y OU N GE R SO N enters on tiptoe and crosses th e roo1n on his way to the kitchen. M IDDLE DAU G H TER

Y O U N GER S O N

( in

a

low voice )

:

B eer !

Slow curtain .

. . . SCENE SEVEN

( I N TER M I S S I O N )

) The tnusic of ((The B roken N ecldace ) is played in the lobby during the interntission. Soon afterzuard the actress who has appeared as S U P E R I N TE N D E N T , still dressed in the costume for the part, ntakes h er way among the spectators, b o th in the lobby and in the auditoriunt, distributing th e following leaflet.

An Appeal . . . . . . . . Some people, it would seen1, have been critical of my attitude toward the tenant in Apartn1ent 1 2 . Unpleasant run1ors are being spread that I was bought over by the visitors or ( what's ·worse ) that I reached some sort of understanding with one or the other of the two brothers and gave hin1 a passkey to the apartment. I realize, having had the misfortune to lose my husband only a few years ago, there is nothing I can do about it if people, meaning to be sympathetic, say, " She must've needed money, " or " She must've been lonely." But I will take an oath that I am speaking the absolute truth when I say that the first time I ever laid eyes on those people was when I saw them in Apartment 1 2. But in my busi-

62

Kobo A be

ness you get to be a pretty good j udge of character, and I could see at once that there was nothing particularly suspicious about those people. The tenants in this build­ ing are all my valued guests, and the guests of my guests, you might say, are also my guests. That's \vhy, as I 'm sure you'll understand, I couldn't very well make uncalled­ for remarks simply because there's been some sort of mis­ understanding. I wish also to take advantage of this occasion to confide a secret, in all candor. To tell the truth, situations of this kind are not in the least unusual. When you're in my business you see this kind of thing happening all the time. I wonder if all the con1motion hasn't simply proved the gentletnan doesn't kno\v 1nuch about people ? I beg you, ladies and gentletnen, not to be deceived by any false run1ors or to let your confidence be shaken in our apart­ tnent house. T H E S U P ERINTENDENT

. . . SCENE EIGHT The curtain rises to disclose the benches 1:n a public par!? sowl e­ where. Sounds of cars and p eople passing 1nake it clear that the park is in the city. The sounds, however, are filtered and the buildings surrounding the park are concealed by trees (or son1e­ thing suggesting trees) ,· the spo t is somehow isolated fro1n the outside world. The wo11tan sitting on a b ench who seems to be waiting for someone is the p erson with whom M A N was talking on the telephone, his FIAN CEE. Sh e glances at h er wristwatch, then looks left and right. Her expression suggests she is im­ mersed in thought.

Friends

63

enters from stage right} skipping along in a way that suggests she is kicking a stone. She strolls past F I A N C E E . When she reaches far stage left she gestures as if looking off to the o ther side of the trees. She strikes a p eculiar pose and exits) still maintaining the pose.

YOU N GEST DAU G H T ER

A s she leaves} ELDER SON enters front stage left. Evidently Youngest D aughter} s pose was a signal to him. ELDER SO N struts up to FIA N C E E .

( with a slight bow of the head ) : Excuse tne. ( He starts to seat himself beside FIAN CEE, indifferent to her re­ actions. ) FIA N C EE : I 'm sorry, but I 'm waiting for somebody. ELDER SON : Oh, I see. ( He decides not to sit) but shows no sign of going away. He continues to stare boldly at the wo1nan. ) I was impressed even by your picture, but you're far more charming in the flesh. Oh, you've changed the \vay you do your hair, haven't you ? A natural effect looks better on you than fancy styling. That only goes to show how good the foundations are. FIA N C EE : I don't think we've met . . . ( Her expression reveals ntingled caution and curiosity. ) ELDER SO N : But I know all about you . . . Of course, you make such an impression that nobody who ever saw you once could forget you the second time. It's only natural, I sup­ pose. FIA N CEE : I wonder where I've had the pleasure . . . ? ELDER soN : Last night, in the drawer of your fiance' s desk. FIA N C EE ( at last catching on ) : Then it was you last night ELDER so N ( nods ) : Yes, it was. Against my own inclinations I interrupted you in the midst of your telephone call. FIA N CEE ( sharply ) : Have you come as his stand-in ? ELDER so N : Heaven forbid ! I wouldn't do such a thing even if ELDER SON

.

64

Kobo A be

he asked me. To tell the truth, he and I have had a slight difference of opinion concerning what happened last night. F I A N C E E : And you've come to tell on hin1 ? ELDER S O N : How severe you are ! I wonder what he could've told you about us ? I gather from your tone he hasn't been too friendly. I suppose he's trying to clean up the mess he left behind by shifting the blame onto us for that telephone call. F I A N C E E : What happened anyway ? ELDER SO N : How can I answer unless I know the nature of his explanation ? FIAN CEE ( finally induced to discuss the matter on his terms ) : I couldn't make the least sense out of him. He was so vague that I . . . ELDER soN ( with a suppressed laugh that does not seem mali­ cious ) : I can well imagine . . . I wonder if the problem is that he's timid, or clumsy at expressing hin1self, or can never get to the point, or that he's too earnest or too good­ natured or too inflexible, or that he's stubborn or an intro­ vert or self-centered . . . FIA N C E E ( mustering h er courage ) : Were there also women present ? ELDER so N : Yes, four-no, five. FIA N C E E : Five ! ELDER soN : But there were men there, too-three of us, besides him. F I A N C E E : What were you all doing, so many of you ? ELDER S O N : I t's a little hard to explain. FIAN CEE ( rather irritated ) : But generally speaking, when people have gathered together for a purpose there's some sort of name for their activity. Would you describe it as a meet­ ing, or a card game, or a drinking party ? Is there anything that can't be given a name ? ELDER SON : That' s the crux of the problem . ( He takes out a comb and smoothes his hair. ) I 'd really be most interested

Friends

65

to hear how he would answer that question. ( He puts away the comb . ) But I've really been making a great nuisance of myself when you've more important things on your mind. ( He bows and starts to leave. ) F I A N C E E ( standing before she realizes ) : Wait a moment ! What is it you came to tell me, anyway ? You and he make a good pair-one's j ust as vague as the other. I don't sup­ pose you could have come for the express purpose of mystifying me. ELDER soN ( sanctin1oniouslyJ his eyes lo_wered ) : Of course not. B ut when I meet you face to face this way I suddenly lose my courage. F I A N C EE : Go ahead . You're not bothering me. . ELDER SO N ( lighting a cigarette J. slowly ) : To be perfectly honest, I don't really understand h i s feelings . . . Correct me if I'm wrong, but I gather he's engaged to you and has been planning to hold the wedding in the near future. FIAN C EE : Yes, he only recently managed at last to rent that apartment. It's more than he could afford, but we needed it to get married. ELDER SON : In other words, he and you are already as good as married. Right ? \Vhy, then, should he have had to keep things a secret from you, of all people, in such a furtive way ? If I may cite a rather vulgar example, you often see in the advice to the lovelorn column how a man is ex­ tremely reluctant to introduce the girl he's interested in to his parents or his family . . . In such cases is it not fair to assume in general that the man's sincerity is to be doubted ? FI A N C E E : You mean you and your family are in that relation­ ship with him ? ELDER soN : Of course, I don't know how he would answer you . FIA N C E E ( reduced to supplication ) : For heaven's sake, please tell me ! Who are you all and what is your connection with him ?

Kobo A be

66

( avoiding the issue ) : Oh, yes. I've j ust remem­ bered. It was something he let slip in the course of the conversation last night, but_ I wonder if it doesn't give us a clue to his intentions. He seems to hold extremely prej ­ udiced views against any form of communal living, and even with respect to family life he seems to be feeling some­ thing close to dread. FIA N C EE : I can't believe that. ELDER SON : He went so far as to say that it actually refreshed him to be all alone in a crowd of total strangers. FIA NCEE : But he's even made arrangements with the movers to have my furniture taken to his place at the end of the month. ELDER SON : I'd like to believe that he got carried away by his own words. Or maybe he was j ust bluffing . . . After all, with such a pretty girl like you . . . FIANCEE : You still haven't answered my question. ELDER S O N : Oh-you mean our relationship with him ? I wonder if it wouldn't be better, though, for you to get him to verify it with his own mouth. I wouldn't want my words to have the effect of implanting any preconceptions . . . It's not that I'm trying to pretend to be more of a gentleman than I am, but I j ust wouldn't want to make a sneak attack, or anything like that . . . I realize that it must be hard for you to understand, but basically speaking, we' re closer to him than blood relations. FIA N C EE : You n1ust have known him a long time, then ? ELDER SON ( calnzly ) : We don't set too much store by the past. The same holds true of a marriage, doesn't it ? The real problems are always in the future. FIA N C EE ( again withdrawing into h er shell ) : Then was it some­ thing like a political meeting ? ELDER SON ( looking at his watch ) : I'm sure he has no intention of trying to strengthen his position by lying to you . . . He may in fact be planning to use this opportunity to reveal ELDER SON

.

Friends

67

to you his true feelings. Anyway, I advise you to sound him out. l\1aybe we'll meet again, depending on how your inter­ view turns out. F I A N C :EE ( looking stage left ) : Oh, there he is now. ELDER so N ( showing no special embarrassment ) : I hope and pray that all goes well. But I suppose I'm also half hoping that things don't go well. In that case I 'll get to see you again. ( Suddenly, as if he had remembered something urgent. ) Excuse me, but would you mind sitting there again ? Just the way you were before . . . Hurry ! FIA N C EE,

overcome by his urgency, sits as requested.

( with a conspiratorial s1nile ) : That's right. Now I can see the dimples in your knees . . . Aren't they sweet ? I could eat them up, those dimples.

ELDER SON

flustered, brings together the hems of her coat. A t the same moment M A N hurriedly enters from stage left. He catches sight of ELDER SO N , and stops in his tracks with an expression of arnazement . FIA N C EE,

. . . SCENE NINE no tzczng M A N , stands and turns toward him as he speaks. In other words, her actions should not start after Man's dialogue begins. F I A N C E E,

MAN

( to

ELDER SO N ,

sharply )

:

What are you doing here ?

turns to M A N as ·if having become aware of his presence only then. Far from showing any embarrassment, he smiles broadly, as if greeting an old friend. ELDER SO N

Kobo A be

68 ELDER soN :

Late, aren 't you ? This will never do !

looks from F IA N C E E to forward aggressively. MAN

E LDER SON

and back} then steps

What's the meaning of this, anyway ? FIAN CEE ( unable to hide her guilty conscience ) : It was a com­ plete coincidence. ELDER SON : B ut as far as I'm concerned, an accidental n1eeting that only a tnarvelou s necessity could have brought about. MAN ( angrily ) : I don't know what n1ischief you've been up to, but you're to get the hell out of here, right now. ELDER SO N ( still sntiling ) : Don't be uncouth . Well, I 'll be say­ ing good-by. ( He winks secretly at FIA N C EE . ) Go to it now, the both of you . ( He tnakes a clownish gesture with his hand} then saunters off to stage left. ) MAN :

The couple stands for a titne in silence} still looking off in the direction ELDER SON has gone. They slowly turn and exchange glances} only to avert their eyes. FIA N CEE sits down on the bench} and M A N then also sits. Each occupies an end of the bench. ( gloomily ) : What was he filling your ear with ? FIANCEE ( looking at M A N reproachfully ) : Before we go into that, it seems to me you have a lot of explaining to do. M A N : Explaining ? There' s nothing worth explaining. It's j ust as I told you on the phone thi s morning. I 'm the victim. I 'm sorry I worried you with that call last night. But even that was their fault, if you get right down to it. FIANCEE : So it would see1n. It' s pretty hard to keep son1eone from guessing, even over the phone, when you have eight people in the room with you. B ut tell me, why was it necessary for you to act so secretly, as if you were playing hide-and-seek with me ? M A N : I thought I'd told you. I couldn't think of any way of MAN

Friends

69

explaining in an intelligible manner who those people were or what they were doing. FIA N CEE : And you're going to explain now, is that it ? M A N : Unfortunately, I still don't know what happene d, even now . FIAN CEE ( a little defiantly ) : But I thought you asked m e here in order to explain. M A N ( bearing up under the confusion ) : Yes, that's so . . . B ut my real purpose was not so much to explain as to get you to understand ho\v difficult it is to make an explanation. Maybe I won't succeed in making you understand . . . How could you understand an outfit like that ? I suppose that if it happened that I had been on the receiving end of this story, I wouldn't have been able to believe it either . . . I don't know where to start. The only way to describe what happened is to say it was plain crazy. FIA N C E E ( losing her temper.) : That certainly doesn't seem to be an explanation of anything. M A N : But have you ever heard anything like it-a bunch of complete strangers, suddenly march in on me without warn­ ing, and install themselves in my apartlnent, exactly as if it were their natural right ? F IA N C E E ( coldly ) : It is a little unusual. MAN : It certainly is. As a matter of fact, even the policemen who came after I called refused to take it seriously. ( His voice beconzes more emphatic. ) But I assure you , it hap­ pened. This impossible thing has befallen me. F IA N C E E : That man who was j ust here also thought it was strange. He couldn't figure out what your motive was in keeping their presence such a secret. M A N : A secret ? It's simply that I couldn't think how to ex­ plain, don't you see ? So he encouraged you to act suspi­ cious. B ut you're carrying your foolishness too far. Tell me, what possible advantage could there be in it for me to cover up for that bunch of parasites ?

70

Kobo A be

For a parasite that man j ust now certainly acted like a gentlen1an. ·unlike you, he didn't say one harsh thing. Why, he didn't even try to justify hin1self. M A N : Yes, that's their technique. FIA N C E E : I understand, by the way, that five of them are women. M A N : Five of them ? ( He bursts into derisive laughter. His voice tak es on a triumphant note. ) Five won1en ? That's a good one. Gradually I 'm beginning to catch on to their tactics. FIA N C EE : Was he lying, then ? M A N : No, it wasn't a lie. The five women included a seventy­ year-old grandmother, a housewife of fifty, and a j unior­ high-school student. FIA N C EE ( beginning to lose her confidence ) : They certainly make an odd group of people. M A N : No, there's nothing odd about them . Didn't I tell you ? They're all one family-five children, the parents and the grandmother, a family of eight. Five women . . . that's good. You couldn't call it a lie, and it was effective as a trick. You must've been imagining I was involved with some sort of secret society. F IA N CEE : You were the one who first gave n1e that in1pression . M A N (with an expression of relief ) : vVhen you've seen what the facts really are, they don't amount to much, do they ? FIAN CEE : You can't blame n1e. You exaggerated so much. M A N ( resunting his subdued ton e ) : It would've been easier to explain if they had actually been a secret society or a gang. But when they look so absurdly and indisputably like a family, it makes it impossible to complain to anybody. F I A N C E E ( dubious again ) : But are you sure these people have no relationship to you at all ? M A N : Absolutely none. FIA N C EE : I can't understand it. Are you sure there wasn't

FIANCEE :

Friends

71

some reason behind it, however slight ? It's hard to imag'ine otherwise that they'd move in on you like that. M A N : They say that I 'm lonely and that they intend to envelop and warm me in their neighborly love. FIA N CE E : They've ignored me completely, then ? M A N : No, I'm sure that, as long as you were willing, they'd be delighted to have you j oin them. FIA N CE E ( with intensity ) : This is no laughing matter. M A N ( holding his head between his hands ) : That's why I told you they were monstrous parasites. FIA N C E E : Why don't you tell thetn to leave ? M A N : I have, of course. FIA N CE E : Firmly ? A nd clearly ? M A N : In a voice so loud it hurt n1y throat. ( liti" eakly. ) But it still didn't do any good. It made no impression on them . They have the nerve to say that occupying our apartment is not merely their privilege but their duty. FIA N CE E ( after a pause ) uncertainly ) : Is that really all ? I s that all there is to it ? M A N : A s far as I know. FIA N CE E : You've explained three of the five wotnen, but what about the other two ? M A N : Stop it ! If you'd only seen how I struggled with them. FIA N CE E : I t's funny . . . my engagement ring doesn't seem to fit my finger any more . . . I wonder if I should take it off. M A N ( bewildered ) : What do you mean ? FIA N CE E : I want you to be frank 'vith me. If you've been put­ ting on a show in order to get rid of me, you needn't go to all the trouble. M A N : There you go again, tormenting me with your ground­ less accusations . F IA N CE E : But what else can I do, as long as you're unable to take back our apartment from those people ? M A N : Insult added to inj ury ! If I 'm to be deserted even by you, I 'll lose the will to fight altogether.

Kobo A be

72 F IA N CEE

( suddenly sharp )

:

Then I can really trust what you

say ? M A N : Of course ! Haven't I been begging you over and over, till I'm hoarse in the throat, to do j ust that ? FIA N C EE : Then how would it be if I visited the apartment to­ morrow with a friend ? M A N : A friend ? FIA N CEE : A man who used to be a feature writer for a weekly magazine. Expose s were always his strong suit, so I 'm sure he's one person who'll be able to tell what's going on. MAN : Are you trying to spite me ? FIA N CEE : Let the chips fall where they may. I'm only after the guilty party. If things are the way you've described them, I'm sure the family will be the ones to suffer. You under­ stand, don't you ? I desperately want to believe you. M A N : In that case, I have no obj ections. There's nothing more I want than you to beli eve n1e. FIA N C E E : I do want to believe you . M A N : And I want to be believed. Suddenly YOUNGEST DAUGH TER pops up front behind the bench and starts tip toeing off to stage right. M A N , sensing somebody is there, turns around, and, w£th a shout, grabs her arm. MAN :

Wait !

YOUNGEST DAUG H TER

( letting out a scream ) : Murder !

surprised, releases her ann. sticks out her tongue and runs off. MAN,

Who was that ? One of the five women in the case.

F IA N CEE : MAN :

The stage darkens.

YOU N GEST DAUG H TER

Friends

73

. . . SCENE TEN A strangely shap ed male head emerges from the darkn ess. The left and right sides of the face do not seem to match ) giving an impression of madness. This is the REPORTER who has come at Fiancee ) s request. (By changing the lighting ) however) it is p ossible to mak e the expression change to one of extreme gentle­ n ess.)

( abrup tly ) all but shouting ) : J\1arvelous, isn't it ? I mean it, it's really marvelous. Thi s is what I 've dreamt of for years, the model of what family life should be, solid and generous as the earth itself.

R EPORTER

In ano ther corner of the stage the faces of the members of the family are revealed) forming a group . They begin to sing a chorus of ((The B roken Necklace) ) to the accom­ pani1nent of Younger Son ) s guitar. The chorus gives way to a solo by M IDDLE DA UGH TER and the stage gradually becomes lighter. F IA N C E E stands in ano ther part of the stage ) looking utterly baffled. REPORTER goes up to M IDDLE DAUGH TER, applauding.

I 'm impressed. Yes, impressed. That one word "im­ pressed" sums up my feelings. Tell me, young lady, what is your philosophy of life ? ( He takes out a notebook and holds his p encil poised. ) M IDDLE DAUGH TER : My philosophy ? REPORTER : I mean, what you believe in . M IDDLE DAUGH TER : Let me see . . . M aybe it is to forget my­ self.

R EPORTER :

Kobo A be

74

Marvelous ! Not to believe in your own existence is infinitely more of a strain on rationalism than believing in something that doesn't exi:5t. ( To F I A N C E E . ) Thank you . Thank you for having introduced me to such wonderful people. I 'm grateful to you from the bottom of my heart.

REPORTER

:

overcome by emo tion, spreads open his arms and all but en�braces FIAN CEE. She steps back in confusion. REPORTER,

FIAN CEE :

But it isn't as if we'd especially asked then1 to stay

here . \Vell ask then1 now. They're not the kind of people to insist on formalities. ( To family. ) That's right, isn't it ? FATH ER : Go right ahead. FIAN CEE : But I don't think it's necessary any n1ore.

REPORTER :

has been combing his hair and winking at F I A N C E E . Now, seeing his chan ce, he steps forward with a theatrical gesture. ELDER SON

Young lady, why do you di sappoint us by saying such things ? Your adorable lips were never meant to pro­ nounce such uncouth words as "necessary" or "unneces­ sary." YOU N GER S O N ( singing to the accotnpaniment of his guitar ) : Chase hin1, chase him, but still he trots after you, that pooch is really sweet . . . ( He suddenly gets down on all fours at Fiancee's fee t . ) Lady, I 'm your pooch ! ELDER SON :

is driven into a corner of the stage, b u t ends up by bursting into giggles. FIANCEE

( suddenly cries out ) : No ! This'll never do ! I mustn't go on procrastinating any more. ( To FAT H ER . ) I've definitely made up my mind. I 'm going to j oin you. I 'd like you to include me in your group . \i\There are the headquarters ? Where should I apply for membership ?

REPORTER

Friends

75

What are the prerequi sites ? The entrance fees ? The con­ ditions ? The menzbers of the family exchange meaningful glances.

It' s hard, after having been praised so enthusiastically, to know how to answer. RE PORTER : Please believe me ! I'll keep it an absolute secret. M OT H ER : A secret ? \Ve haven't any secrets, have we ? GRA N D M OT H ER : \Ve're honest people, we are. REPORTER : I don 't n1ean to suggest I suspect you of anything. But su rely your family couldn't be the only people carry­ ing out this great movement ? FAT H ER : \Vell, of course . . . The world ·is not such a hopeless place. REPORTER ( greatly in earnest ) : I understand. You're saying that it's presun1ptuous for anyone like tnyself to hope to be adn1itted to your ranks. ELDER SON : Somehow I think you're overestin1ating us a little . . . RE PORTER : Such modesty ! FAT H ER : What we've been doing is just plain, ordinary . . . Let's put it this way. All we're doing is what anybody with the least grain of normal human decency couldn't help but do. M OT H ER : You might say we're knitting a fabric, not out of yarn but out of people. REPORTER : Such humility ! That fabric will spread as it i s knitted, from village to village, from town to town, until soon it grows into an enormous j acket covering and warm­ ing the country and the entire people. This is magnificent ! Such magnificence, and such humility ! I will become your disciple. Yes, I will sit at your feet. But at least you can tell me where I can find the headquarters of your knitting club. FAT H ER :

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Kobo A be

If you'll forgive me for saying so, you should act more spontaneously, as the voices within you command. REPORTER : Then it's all right if I go right ahead as I please, without any license or authorization ? FAT H ER : \Vhy should you hesitate ? \i\!hen what you want to do is right, you should throw yourself into it, with full confidence. REPORTER : Thank you ! FAT H ER : As long as you perform your services with sincerity and devotion one of these days you're sure to receive word from headquarters recognizing your \vork. REPORTER : Then there is a headquarters ? ELDEST DAU G H TER : I wonder. FAT H ER : I'm sure there must be one. It stands to reason . . . ELDEST DAUG H TER : But \ve've never once received word from headquarters, have we ? R EPORTER ( surprised ) : Not even you ? FAT H ER : Society is demanding. But that's no reason to doubt the existence of a headquarters-it doesn't get you any­ where. If you want to believe in a headquarters, why, there's no harm in that. REPORTER : I see . . . ELDEST DAU G H TER : I don't mean to deny it myself. Either way, it doesn' � affect my beliefs. REPORTER : Ah ? Your beliefs ? ( He gets his noteboo!? ready. ) I wonder if I might trouble you to tell tne a little about them. ELDEST DAU G H TER ( e1nphasizing the irnportaJlce of her words ) : Ask not, but give . . . That sums them up in a nutshell. RE PORTER : Ask not, but give . . . That's quite something . . . Ask not, but give . . . Isn't that splendid ? How can any man be so obstinate, even after you've said that to him ? It beats me. A feast is set before him and he refuses to eat ! \Vhat a disgrace ! Something must have happened to his head !

FAT H ER :

Friends

77

Suddenly

M AN,

who has b een lying in the ha1n1nock, sits

ttp.

Give ? Don't make me laugh ! vVhat have they ever given me ? The dirty swine ! REPORTER : Who's that ? FAT H ER : You might call him a kind of blotting paper, I suppose. REPORTER : Blotting paper ? ELDEST DAU G H TER ( going up to M A N ) : That's right. I've never seen anyone so unresponstve. RE PORTER : Repulsive, isn't he ? MAN :

The stage becomes dark again, leaving light only on M A N and ELDEST DAU G H TER. She produces a small bottle of whisky franz the pocket of her dressing gown and takes a swtg.

Come on down, Mr. Blotting Paper. M A N : At your service, l\fis s Parasite. ELDEST DAUGH TER : Do you know why I 've never married ? M A N : Today I made the most terrible blunder. I absentmindedly sent the car pool manager some papers that were supposed to be delivered to the chief of the planning de­ partment. ELDEST DAU G H TER : Speaking of your company, that reminds me-you took your time coming home from work today. Did you stop off somewhere ? M A N : Are you kidding ? You and your family took away my pay check, envelope and all . There's no chance of tny stop­ ping off anywhere. ELDEST DAUGH TER : Don't try to fool me. I know all about it. You stopped off to see-what was his name ?-the lawyer, didn't you ?

ELDEST DAUGH TER :

MAN

does not respond.

He telephoned us immediately afterwards. _And we all had a good laugh. ( She giggles. ) Why even

ELDEST DAUG H TER :

78

Kobo A be

the lawyer . ( She hurriedly changes her tone. ) But you mustn't be offended. We're . . . how shall I say it . . . we�re consideratf . T'hat's why, even after we had our big laugh, we decided not to tell you. M A N : Then, there's nothing more to say, is there ? ELDEST DAUGH TER : I suppose not, Of course, we should have said something, if only to induce you to reconsider your attitude, but we refrained. M A N : You keep saying you haven't told n1e, but aren't you telling me now ? ELDEST DA U G H TER : I tnust be drunk ! M A N : You're running around like a broken-down neon stgn. ELDEST DA UGH TER : What a thing to say ! M A N : Damn him ! And he calls himself a lawyer ! ELDEST DAU G H TER ( to her self ) : I mustn't be over-eager. M A N : Anyway, it isn't easy talking to you. There's no getting around it, you're one of the family. ELDEST DA UGH TER ( in a syrupy voice ) : Then, you have son1e feeling for me ? M A N : Heaven forbid ! ELDEST DA U G H TER : If you're still interested in that girl, I'm sorry for yo u , but you'd better forget her. My brother's talents as a thief aren't restricted to the contents of people's pockets. M A N : I can't believe in anything any more. ELDEST DAUGH TER : Doubt is the door to progress . . . Talking about doors, I can't help feeling all the time as if I 'm a door that's been left permanently aj ar . . . Please, come down from there. Hurry ! M A N : You know, the lawyer was in tears . . . ELDEST DA U G H TER ( suddenly laughs ) : I gather he was wearing a bandage on hi s head ? M A N : It's a wonder he can still stay in business !

79

Friends

It's j u st a 1natter of getting used to it. Nowadays it's not all that unusual for a man to be vi sited by friends like us. M AN : But the bandage clearly shows there's been violence. ELDEST DAUGH TER : Even love has its whips, hasn't it ? M AN : The lawyer said eleven parasites had descended on him ! ELDEST DAU G H TER : He must be an even better quality of blotting paper than you. M AN : \Vhat the devil's the matter with thi s hammock ? ELDEST DAU G H TER : Excuse me, but I 'm taking off my clothes. I feel unbearably h ot. I suppose it must be the whisky . . ( Sh e is wearing under h er dressing gown only net tights and a short negligee . ) M A N : I f such a thing as hot ice existed-there may be, for all I know, in fact I 'm sure there is-a snowstorm in mid­ summer, sunstroke in midwinter . . . ELDEST DAU G H TER : The bottle will be empty if you don't hurry. M AN ( writhing ) : That's funny. What's happened to this hammock ? ELDEST DAU G H TER ( as if she has made a surprising discovery ) : Just feel me . . I really seem to be hot and cold at the same time. I wonder why. M A N : But what the hell's wrong with this hammock ?

ELDEST DAU G H TER :

.

.

. . . SCENE ELEVEN

Lights are suddenly turned on in the room. ELDEST DAUGH TER wheels around in asto11ish1nent. M IDDLE DAU G H T ER stands 1'n paja1nas by the wall, near the door of the adjoining room. I-! er hand is st-ill on the wall switch.

80

Kobo A be

( angrily ) : So you were listening ! M IDDLE DAUGH TER ( quietly and calmly ) : Yes, I heard every­ thing. ELDEST DAU G H TER ( retrieving h er gown and putting it back on ) : What a way to talk ! Not a scrap of respect for othe r people's feelings . . . I've never known anyone less lovable than you. M IDDLE DAUG H T ER : But it's something important. ELDEST DAUGH TER : I don't care how important it is. Who ever heard of leaving the lights burning indefinitely ? \Vhy even he looks as if the light's too strong for him . M A N ( seenzs rather dazed ) : Yes, it'll soon be morning. M IDDLE DAUGH TER ( ignor,ing him ; to ELDEST DAU G H T ER ) : Are you drunk ? ELDEST DAU G H T ER ( losing h er temper ) : I tell you, I 'm going to give you a piece of my mind if you keep tormenting me with such stupid tricks. I don't care how important you think it is, eavesdropping is still eavesdropping. You didn't listen because it was in1portant. You listened and then you found out son1ething that happened to be important. \Vhy don't you at least pretend to be a little en1barrassed ? ( To M A N , still fiddling with the hantntock ) unable to get out. ) I'm sorry, really I am . . . M IDDLE DAUGH TER : Hmmm. Isn't what you really have to apologize for something quite different ? ELDEST DAUGH T ER ( worsted in the argunz ent) she adjusts the fron t of her gown ) : I don't kno\v what you're talking about, but there's son1ething weird about you. ( She goes toward the door. ) Anyway, with your permission, I'd like to get a little sleep. M IDDLE DAUGH TER ( showing her first emo tional reaction ) : No, you can' t ! Stay right where you are ! You' re an important witness. ( She calls through the door to the next roont . ) Father, brother . . . would you come here a minute ? ELDEST DAU G H TER ( agitated ) : What are you up to, anyway ? ELDEST DAUGH TER

81

Friends YOU N GER SON

( calling from off-stage )

:

Which brother do you

want ? M IDDLE DAU G H TER :

Both of you ! Hurry ! It's extremely im­

portant . Noises fro1n the next rootn-sleepy murmurs, fits of cough­ ing and the like-suggest people getting out of bed reluc­ tantly . ( becoming uneasy ) : There's been some sort of misunder­ standing, hasn't there ? I 'n1 sure the misunderstanding will get cleared up in the end. There's nothing to get so excited about . . . B ut what the devil's happened to this hammock ? ELDEST DAU G H TER ( glaring at M IDDLE DAUG H TER ) : After all this uproar I'm sure we' ll discover that the mountain labored to bring forth a mouse. You're not going to get away with paying a 1 00 yen fine this time . . . I trust you've got a good stock of pin money. M IDDLE DAU G HTER ( quietly ) : It hurts me to tell you, but this is no tnouse. You mean to say you haven't caught on yet ? MAN

and YOU N GER SO N , in that order, appear front the next room. A ll look groggy, as if they just got out of bed. Each is muttering to hhnself. ELDER

YOU N GER

SO N ,

FAT H ER

soN : Damn it ! I 've got another corker of a hangover. starts to 1nake a sneering remark, but DAUG H TER interrupts at once .

ELDER DAU G H T ER M IDDL E

: He was planning an escape ! ( at once zvide awake ) : Escape ?

M I DDLE DAUG H TER FAT H ER

They all show reac tions of astonishment. ( slowly goes up to .l'vf an's hammock ) : He was j ust about to try running avvay. FAT H ER ( turning to the sons) : Running away ! Things have taken a serious turn. M IDDLE DAU G H TER

Kobo A be

82

( extremely confused ) : I can see that everything has not been arranged exactly as he n1ight have wished, but still. MAN ( apprehensive ) : That's an exaggeration. The fact is, I'm here now. Right ? Run a\vay ? Fat chance I'd have, when I'n1 wrapped up in this crazy hammock like a tent cater­ pillar. ( With an unnatural} forced laugh. ) Run away . . . why I can't even get out to take a leak. I'm suffering, I tell you !

ELDER S O N

takes the cord at one end of the ha'fn­ Jnock and jerks it loose. The ha1nmoc!? at once op ens out} and in the recoil M A N drops to the flo or. M A N ntakes feeble sounds of laugh ter} but none of the o thers so much as s1nile. M IDDLE DAUG H TER

( helpin g M A N to his fee t ) : I'm sorry. Did you hurt yourself ? ELDEST DA U G H T ER ( aggressively ) : So, it was your handiwork, was it ? M IDDLE DA U G H TER : I didn't want to mention it, but you've been flirting with him for the past three days, haven't you ? ELDEST DA UGH TER : Don't say anything you'll regret ! For the past three days ? Go ahead, be as j ealous as you like-that's your privilege-but if you get carried away to any such ·wild conclusions, the rest of us will be the ones to suffer . M IDDLE DA UGH TER ( cool; to FAT H ER and the o thers ) : I had a feeling tonight would be the crisis. So, just to be on the safe side, I tied up the hammock after he went to sleep. ELDEST DAUGH TER : That' s a lie ! An out-and-out lie ! Ask hin1 to his face. He'll say which of us is telling the truth . ( To M A N , se eking his assent. ) That's right, isn't it ? M A N ( hesita tes before answering ) : It's true she's kindly come here every eveni ng for the last three days to keep me company, but . . . ELDEST DA UGH TER ( unabashed ) : I've no i ntention of hidi ng anything. I 've been trying my best to advertise myself, M IDDL E DA U G H TER

83

Friends

hoping he'd respond to my overtures. But to hear you talk, I was inducing hi1n to run a\vay ! That' s going too far, even for a false accusation . M IDDLE DAUGH TER ( spitefully ) : It's quite possible tonight was the first tin1e you resorted to open inducement. But how about hints ? ELDEST DAU G H TER : Mystification doesn't become you . M IDDL E DAUGH TER ( intital'ing Eldest Daug hter) s 11ianner of speech ) : "There ' s nothing to be worried about. This place and time exist j ust for the two of us . . . If you pretend that nobody else is here, why it's j ust the same as if no­ body were actually here. Think of the others as being insubstantial as the air . . . ELDEST DAU G H TER ( bursts into laughter ) : How disgusting ! Aren't those the usual cliches every won1an uses when seducing a man ? Didn't you even know that ? FAT H ER : What was this direct incitement she resorted to tonight ? M IDDLE DAU G H TER ( again imitating ELDEST DAUGH TER )' ·with passion ) : "You must give up all hope of getting rid of them . You'll j ust exhaust yourself with useless efforts. Yes, it'd be better to run away than try to chase them out. We'll run far, far away to some distant place where nobody knows us. " ELDEST DAU G H TER : That's enough ! FAT H ER : Mm. That was pretty direct. YOU N GER SON : Even with my hangover I can't help being Im­ pressed . ELDER SON : And what was his reaction to her inciten1ent ? M IDDLE DAU G H TER ( se�'erely ) : I felt it was certainly a good thing I had tied the hammock so he couldn't get out . ELDER soN : What a mess ! M A N ( in confused tone ) : B ut don't you think it's unfair to base your j udgments on such a one-sided . . . "

84

Kobo A be

( reassuringly ) : It's all right. It's all right. Please don't worry about it any more. ELDER SON ( to ELDEST DAUG H TER ) : But were you serious in trying to tempt him into such a thing ? ELDEST DAU G H T ER ( sul/�ily ) : vVhat makes you think I was serious ? Don't insult me. It doesn't take much common sense to see that there' s absolutely no likelihood of his running a\vay. This is the n1ost disgusting thing I've ever heard of, making such a fuss, so early in the morning. M IDDLE DAUGH TER : \i\That n1akes you so sure he can't run a\vay ? ELDEST DAU G H TER : YOU don't see ? M IDDLE DAUG H TER : I certainly don't. ELDEST DAUGH TER : He's the acting department head. His for­ tune's assured-he's a rising star. He knows better than anyone else, I should think, ho\V important his \vork is to hin1 . He can talk all he wants about how he likes to be alone, or how he longs for freedom, but one thing he can never in the world do is to give up his j ob. ELDER SO N : That sounds logical, all right. ELDEST DAUGH TER : Supposing he ran away from here without giving up his j ob. He'd have to find some,vhere else to stay, and it'd be simple enough for us to find out where he went. ELDER SON : Yes, that'd be no problem. ELDEST DAUGH TER : And once we found hin1 we surely wouldn't spare ourselves the trouble of n1oving in with him, would we ? \Ve'd go to help hin1 again, as our natural duty, wouldn't we ? FAT H ER : Of course. We couldn't neglect our duty. That would be out of the question. ELDEST DAU G H TER ( her self-confidence quite recovered ) : And even he n1ust be fully convinced, after living with us for ahnost t\vo weeks, how strong our sense of duty is. ( To M A N . ) Am I wrong ? M A N : No, I am deeply aware of it. FAT H ER

Friends ( triumphantly ) ladies and gentlemen.

ELDEST DAU G H TER

85 :

Well, there you have it,

They all stri!? e various attitudes which suggest they are ruminating on the above. ELDEST DAUGH TER thrOWS M IDDLE DAUGH TER an unconcealed stnile of derision .

In that case, the i ncident i s not a s serious a s we had imagined. YOU NGER SON : Then, I hope you'll pardon me if I go back to bed before the rest of you. I may vomit at any minute . M IDDLE DAUGH TER : I can't help being worried, all the same. ELDEST DAU G H TER : The more you talk, the more shame you bring on yourself. Pretending to be an innocent little girl is all very well, but it's exhausting for the rest of us to play your game . M IDDLE DAUG H T ER : But when I heard him say, "All right, let's run away ! " I was so frightened I shuddered with fear. I wonder if a man can talk in that tone of voice if he doesn't mean it. ELDEST DAUG H TER : A mere impression, even from son1eone as bright as you, is not sufficient evidence. ELDER SON : Yes, if it was nothing more than an impression . YOUN GER soN : O .I<.. That settles it. ( He exits, staggering, to the n ext room. ) It's probably my liver. FAT H ER ( cau tiously, o bserving M A N ) : Finally, j ust as a for­ mality, I ' d like to ask the subj ect of our discussion his opinion. Then I 'll adj ourn the meeting. M A N ( gradually regaining his self-confidence ) : My opinion ? After all we've gone through ? ( He laughs. ) That's no longer of any importance, is it ? How shall I put it ? To tell the truth, it's as if some devil got into me tonight . . . Or rather, as if I'd been bewitched by a goddess . . . I felt ·when I was talking as if I were singing the words of a song . . . ( To ELDEST DAUG H TER . ) I'm not the kind to FAT H ER :

Kobo A be

86

flatter people, but I really felt as if I were swimming in a pool of whisky . . . When I proposed that we run away I wonder if I wasn't expressing, in spite of myself, the re­ verse of what I actually felt-my desire to hold fast to you. ( To FAT H ER. ) People sometimes say precisely the opposite of what they're thinking. In the course of the ab ove dialogue GRA N D M OT H ER, M OT H ER and YOU N GEST DAUGH TER, in that order) stick their heads in from the next roo1n. They o bserve what is happening with expressions of intense curiosity. ( reflectively ) : I see . . . \i\Tell, now we seem to have heard the opinions of everyone. ( He looks fron-t M IDDLE DAU G H TER to ELDEST DAUG H T ER . ) How about it-will you agree to leave the final j udgment to me ? ELDEST DAU G H TER ( in good spirits) now that M A N has flattered .h er ) : That's fine with me. M IDDLE DAUG H TER : I don't suppose I have much choice. FAT H ER ( abruptly gives order to ELDER SON ) : Prepare the cage !

FAT H ER

They all look astonished. B u t ELDER soN instantly 1·n oves into action. The o ther membe1'·s of the family follo'Zv hirrt) displaying remarkable teamwork : some arrange th e coat rack in the hall) ano ther produces a lock ) another over­ powers M A N , still another throws a blanket over him. Finally) M A N , wrapped in the blanket ) is shut up inside the coat rack) which has been converted in to a cage. A large loci? is hung on the outside. at length manages to stick his head out from inside the blanket. MAN

MAN

What're you doing ? Didn't I promise you I wouldn't run a·way ? This is inhuman ! There's no excuse for it. It's inhuman ! :

Friends

87

( with an expression of inability to under­ stand it herself ) : Yes, really, what's happened ? After he assured us so positively he had no intention of running away . . . M A N : That's right. You tell them . . . There must be some mistake ! FAT H ER : The thing is, you insisted a little too emphatically that you wouldn't run away. M A N : It's natural for a man to be emphatic when he' s speaking from the heart . FAT H ER : You yourself were j ust expressing the view that sometimes people say the opposite of what they feel. M A N : That's a false accusation ! GRA N D M OT H ER : The blind man envies the one-eyed man . FAT H ER : In a matter of this gravity there's no such thing as taking too n1any precautions.

ELDEST DA U G H TER

looks into the cage as if she were watching a monk ey at the zoo . M A N spits at YOU N GEST YOUN GEST DA U G H TER

DA U G H TER.

Get the hell away ! YOU N GEST DAU G H TER : I sn't he awful ? Even a chimpanzee wouldn't be so rude. M OT H ER : Don't get too close to hin1. He's still overexcited. M A N : Damn it ! All your clever talk about neighborly love and the rest was a lot of bunk . . . Not even a slave would endure such treatment. M IDDLE DAU G H TER ( severely ) : There's been a misunderstand­ i ng. A terrible misunderstanding. You've taken everything in the wrong spirit. MAN : S hut up ! I don't even want to see your face ! FAT H ER : Yes, the misunderstanding was definitely on your side. And you still don't seem to understand that these measures have been taken because we earnestly desire your safety and security. MAN :

Kobo A b e

88

Understand ! You don't suppose there's any chance I would understand that ! M IDDLE DAU G H TER : But running away means disappearing. And that's a much more frightening thing than you seem to suppose. You don't think we could expose you to such a danger, knowing how frightening it is to disappear. ELDEST DAU G H TER ( still not satisfied ) : I think you're over­ rating him. ELDER SON : It seen1s to be our fate always to have our efforts rewarded by enmity . M OT H ER : In short, the world's fallen o n evil days. M A N ( gasping ) : But if I can't go to the office, you'll he the ones to suffer. I wonder if you've thought about that. FATH ER : V.Je don't intend to keep you in there forever. Just as soon as your frame of mind improves, of course we'll let you out. M A N : Isn't that nice ? You expect my frame of mind to im­ prove ? You an1aze me. Don't you think it' s a lot more l ikely to boomerang on you ? Don't you realize I'll get to hate thi s place more and more ? FATH ER : Please, j ust leave things to n1e. While you're medi­ tating over your solitude in there, the pleasures of your ordinary everyday l ife, how you used to go to the office each morning, will come back and the happy memories will gush forth inside you like a fountain. M OT H ER : That's right. Happy memories are generally of quite ordinary things. They leave the deepest impression. FAT H ER : And then your desire to escape will drop from you like the scab from a wound that has healed. M IDDLE DA U G H TER : And your peace of mind will come back . agatn . FAT H ER : N ow for the blankets. MAN

:

The instant after FAT H ER speaks several blankets are draped over the cage. The stage darkens at once.

Friends

89

. . . SCENE TWELVE

The stage blacks out completely for a moment) but almost im­ mediately afterwards the inside of the cage is illuntinated. MAN sits) his knees cradled in his ar1ns) and his face pressed against his knees. He suddenly raises his head and looks uneasily around him. He listens attentively. Then he lies down on his side in a fetal pos­ ture. The next ntoment he gets on all fours like a dog. He starts to i1nitate a dog ) s howling ) at which the howling of a real dog is h eard from a loudspeaker. MAN again lies on his side in a fetal posture .

. . . SCENE THIRTEEN Now light and dark are reversed : inside the cage is dark and outside is light. It is dayti1ne. M I DDLE DA U G H TER enters from the kitchen carrying a breakfast tray.

( standing before cage ) I 've brought your breakfast. MAN ( dispiritedly ) : Thanks.

M I DDLE

DA U G H T E R

:

Are you awake ?

She puts the tray on the floor for the montent ) re1noves the blanket covering the cage ) then slips the tray into the cage from the end. M I DDLE DAU G H TER :

How do you feel ?

90

Kobo A be

How do you expect ? ( He stares at the food, then begins to eat little by little, but without enjoyment. ) M I DDL E DA U G H TER : You don't seem to have much of an appetite . . . If you don't go out and get some exercise soon­ M A N : What's the weather like today ? M I DD L E DAU G H TER : I t seems to be clearing gradually. M A N : The place is strangely silent. Is nobody here ? M IDD L E DAU G H TER ( sitting down and staring at M A N through the bars of the cage ) : Father has gone to the tniniature golf links. My older sister's at the beauty parlor and the younger one at school . The rest are out shopping, I sup­ pose. M A N ( entreatingly ) : Couldn't you let me have a look at the newspaper, even if it's only the headlines ? M IDD L E D A U G H TER : Nothing doing. \TV e must keep you quiet while you're convalescing. M A N : You're certainly a hard girl to figure out. Sometimes I think you're kind, only for you to act j ust as much of a stickler for the rules as the others. Son1etimes you seem affectionate, but then you're j ust as stubborn as the others. M I DD L E DA U G H TER ( smiling ) : That's because you only think about yourself. MAN ( laughing faintly ) : I know, that' s what you say. But surely not even you pretend that shutting me up this way is for my own good. M I DD L E DAU G H T ER : But it's the truth. M A N : I don't believe it. M IDDLE D A U G H T E R : It's strange, isn't it ? My head is so full of you that I've never even given a thought to anything else. M A N ( talc en aback ) : If that's the case, how can you fail so completely to understand my feeli ngs ? I have you and your fam ily to thank for the opportunity to study to tny heart's content the blessings of neighborly love. M I DDLE D AU G H TER ( suddenly dejected ) : I do understand . I un­ derstand much better than you suppose. M AN :

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91

What d o you understand ? M IDDL E DAU G H TER ( speaking hesitantly ) : Well, for example . . . M A N : For example ? M IDDLE DA U G H T E R : The fact that your sickness has not in the least improved. M A N ( his interest aroused ) : I see . . . You may be right. M IDDL E DA U G H TE R : If I listen very carefully I can hear it, the sound of your heart flying far, far away. M A N : Just like a bird. M IDDL E DA U G H TER : And the commuter's train, your tin1e card, the desk with your name plate on it, the street corner with your company's building-they're all gradually melting away like sculpture carved of ice. M A N : You do understand . M IDDL E DAU G H TER ( changing her tone ) : Oh, that's right. I was forgetting something important. Here. ( She talc es a little packet wrapped in pap er from her pocket. ) M y brother asked me to give this to you. M A N ( unwrapping the pack e t ) : From your brother, is it ? I see . M IDDLE DAU G H TER : That's an engagement ring, isn't it ? M A N : It's a kind of metal obj ect. It used to be an engagement nng once . M I DDL E DAU G H T ER ( staring at M A N with great earnestness ) : Oh, I'm so worried. M A N : About what ? M IDDLE D A U G H T E R : You seem already to have gone farther away than I had thought. M A N ( laughing cynically ) : How sentimental we've become ! M IDDLE DA U G H TER : Sentimental ? That's not it at all . I meant to say you're a traitor ! M A N : A traitor ! M I DDLE D A U G H TER : H ow about a glass of milk ? M A N : Yes, I'd like one . The food today was a little too salty. M AN :

hurries into the kitchen and returns im­ mediately with a glass of milk . She watches affectionately M IDDL E DAU G H T E R

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92

as M A N , with a word of thanks) drains the glass with one gulp. ( holding out her fist ; she has something in it ) : If I give you the key to this lock, w ill you promise not to scold me even if I tell you I love you ? ( She opens h er hand. The key glitters in her palm. ) M A N ( at a loss for words before this too-sudden realization of his wishes ) : That's the easiest thing in the world. Why, if you hadn't been a member of your family, I'n1 sure I would have spoken first, and told you I was in love with you . . . I'm not saying this j ust to please you . . . I'm sure I would have. ( He starts to shake. ) M IDDL E DAU G H TER : Are you cold ? M A N : I t must be an excess of j oy. And now, for the key . . . M IDDL E DAU G H T E R

tries to take the key) but his shaking has become so violent that he canno t manage to grasp it. Suddenly Man) s face is shot with fear. M AN

If only you hadn't turned against us, we would have been no more than company for you . . . Man ) s sha!?ing suddenly stops. He lies 1not1'onless. M IDDL E

M IDDL E

DAU G H TER :

tenderly drapes a blanket over the cage and ) kneeling beside hitn ) q uietly sobs.

DAU G H T E R

There's no need any more to run away . Nobody will bother you no\v . . . It's quiet, isn't it ? You look so well . . . Your sickness 1nust be better.

M IDDL E DAUG H T E R :

YOUNGER SON Y O U N G ER S O N

appears without warning from the next room.

( putting on his shirt )

:

Hey, what're you bawling

about ? Oh, were you there all the time ? Y O U N GE R S O N ( having sized up the situation from Middle Daughter) s app earance ) : So, you've done it again. M IDDLE DAU G H T E R : What else could I do ? M IDDL E DAU G H T E R :

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93

You're hopeless . . . But there's no use crying over spilled milk . . . Well, we're going to be busy again, what with one thing and another. M I DDL E DAU G H TER : He was such a nice man. Really sweet. And so sensitive. At the slightest touch his heart would start to pound. Y O U N GER s o N ( brushing the dandruff from his head ) : We bor­ rowed in advance on his retirement pay. We've got nothing to complain about as far as our balance sheet is concerned . M I DDLE DAU G H TER : Show a little more tact in what you say. What I lost and what you lost are not the same things. Y O U N G E R SO N ( looking around the roo1-n , to no one in particu­ lar ) : It's funny with belongings. I don't know why it is, but every time we move \Ve seem to have more and more of them. M IDDL E D A U G H T ER ( throwing her arms around the cage and caressing it ) : If only you hadn't turned against us, we would have been no more than company for you. YOUNGER soN :

·

) The ntelody of ((The Broken Necklace ) begins to sound, this ti1ne in a melancholy key . The tnembers of the family return in full strength and arrange themselves in a line. They are already dressed for travel. They all take out handk erchiefs and press them to their eyes.

The deceased was always a good friend to us. Friend, why were you destined for such a fate ? Probably you your­ self do not know. Naturally, we do not know either. ( He opens the newspaper. ) Here is the newspaper you were waiting for. Please listen as I read, without the least anxi­ ety. ( He begins to read snatches from the main news items of that day's newspaper, ranging from international events to advertisements. ) Yes, the world is a big place. A big place and a complicated one. ( To M IDDLE DA U G H TER . ) Come, be more cheerful. ( He lifts her to her feet. ) They're all waiting for us. ( To M A N . ) Good-by.

FAT H ER :

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94

They all wave their handkerchiefs and put them back into their pockets. FAT H ER :

Nobody's forgotten anything ?

Th ey begin to march off. The curtain falls slowly. Halfway off the lighting is extinguished, and all that can be recog­ nized is the laugh ter of the fantily.

CURTAI N