Reflection Paper 2 Family

The relationship that I have been working on has been the relationship with my spouse. Building a relationship takes a lot of work and balance. I am learning that you can work yourself silly in the area that you feel is the weakest in the relationship or in the area you feel needs the most help, but that may not be what the other person in the relationship feels is wrong or weak. We generally make commitments to a relationship because we love someone, love alone is not sufficient to make a commitment last. pg 161 Strong, Cohen This can cause an interruption in the communication of the couple or persons in the relationship. When communication is blocked, fails or degrades then balance and harmony in the relationship tends to decrease causing contention and misunderstandings between the people in the relationship, thus leaving the relationship open for other untruths and selfish people to take advantage and manipulate the relationship. Many couples who communicate poorly before marriage are likely to continue the same way after marriage, ad the result can be disastrous for future marital happiness. Pg237 Strong, Cohen Communication and balance helps to strength the relationship if done with respect and trust from both parties. Both people have to look beyond themselves and their wants, finding ways to serve the other person choosing to uplift, be positive about the situation. I found that I needed to understand that no matter how much I thought I was doing or how I thought I was covering for the needs of the other person that I wasn’t all ways correct. After a real struggle in our relationship that had been festering on both sides with each of us feeling short changed and badly done too, the bubble finally popped and we separated. During this separation it gave us time to take a step back and decide what really happened or was happening and where did we want to go with the future, our relationship and just where were are values now. “Values are deep-seated beliefs about the world and how it operates.” They are the emotional rules that govern our behavior and attitudes. Values determine our choices, including those we make in an organizational context. Values-driven decisions determine organizational outcomes and a company’s operating strategies.” Pg 146 Kevin and Jackie Freiberg. I had to first work through all the feelings I had from not feeling supported and that everyone dumped on me when I was already overworked and feeling neglected and unloved I felt myself, I had to find my values again, so that I could determine that like in a company where it where was my relationship headed and what would be its outcome.

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Decision making in the happiest marriages seems to be based not on coercion or tit for tat but on caring, mutuality and respect for each other. Pg 243 Strong, Cohen Upon learning about how companies must care and take care of the individuals in the company, I took time to do a recheck on my priorities in life. I had to find my fundamental core and make sure I still knew why I was doing all the things I had chosen to do. I have found some unbalance in my life and other things that we both needed to change. As I was reading the “Nuts” book I saw a statement that said “have you ever wondered what it would be like to wear someone else’s shoes for a day?” pg 166 Kevin and Jackie Freiberg. Humm….then the ahhhh moment came, I started with myself, changing my attitude and trying to see it from his eyes. I had to see what my spouse was thinking and why. Maybe, then he could also understand my feelings? Either way I needed to understand him. I had to rebalance my spiritual side to be able to focus and revisit my goals and inspirations about my life, and I have been revisiting my attitude trying to smile, give positive thoughts and words to life and actions. Bring positive has improved my outlook on life, my family and my marriage. I have been able to communicate in a more kind, sincere and patient manner. I am working on knowing that despite how busy I am it’s important to connect and spend time with your spouse, we are back together now and are learning how important is balance, communication , and time together. “When people feel loved they develop a greater capacity to love others.” Pg 148 Kevin and Jackie Freiberg We are learning that we have to share various responsibilities with such a large family. I am understanding his point of view better, and understanding that I can’t do everything myself. I am trying to learn that everyone is on different learning levels and that people see things differently, and feel things differently according to their experiences in life and how they learn and that we must not try to hold all the power or influence in a relationship, no matter who that relationship is with. Unequal power in marriage may encourage power politics. Each partner may struggle with the other to keep or gain power. Pg 243 Strong, Cohen

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Reflecting on my relationship now I can honestly say it’s hundreds to thousands time better than even months ago, but I am learning that relationships are an ongoing, growing and living union that needs to be cared for, natured and given time, for it to continually be growing in a positive way. I am satisfied that my marriage relationship is moving forward in a positive manner and is becoming something that is becoming a joy to have in my life. I have been learning and experiencing what real love is all about and to what heights and levels you can really take it too! “Love is Kind and Generous.” Love finds one of its greatest expressions in kindness and generosity. People who are kind are charitable, considerate, and humane. The go out of their way to assist others.” Pg 219 Kevin and Jackie Freiberg.

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