Texting Transcripts

My overall impression of this interaction is that there’s just a *little* too much enthusiasm on your part at the wrong times, and not enough at the right times. Believe it or not, this is fairly common amongst the many text interactions I look at, so don’t feel too bad about it. Generally, you played it well, but I’ll make a few comments inline I have been currently seeing this girl casually since the beginning of the year. She was playing hard to get, but I tried to keep myself a challenge while at the same time continuing to build attraction and invite her to spend time with me. The following texts took place the days leading up to and after St. Patrick’s day. I invited her to join me but at the same time alluded that I was going up there regardless of whether or not she came. I wanted her to go, but knew that if I seemed needy the plan would fall through. Honestly, it’s hard to tell how high her interest level is relative to mine. It almost seems to fluctuate by the week. But because I continued to escalate I never gave up. I figured that if she lost interest in me, I would figure it out and she didn’t seem to be sending those signals. It’s hard to tell why she responds positively to some messages and will ignore others. I try never to send boring texts ( aka ‘hey’, ‘how’s work’, or ‘what are you up to’). She did come up to Boston with me that weekend however and we slept together for the first time. I saw her the next weekend but it was just for dinner. We did not go back to my place (or hers). She continues to text me periodically, but I still feel like her interest level is lower than I’d like it to be. I would like for her to be my girlfriend, and to continue sleeping with her on a regular basis from this point forward.

Friday, March 16th (The night before our trip to Boston) 4:22 PM – Her: Heyyheyy!! 4:28 PM –Me: Hey beautiful. Are you excited for our trip tomorrow? 4:44 PM –Her: I think it should be a fun time!! 4:53 PM–Me: You don’t think. You know lol. Im gonna book us a reservation on opentable. How’s 9 sound? 5:24 PM –Her: Wonderful! 9:16 PM –Me: I just booked our reservation for tmrw night. 24 hrs from now you’ll be eating the best meal you’ve had all year. This is SUPER enthusiastic and a huge show of effort and expenditure. My style is “actions, not words” and in fact, whenever I book a restaurant somewhere nice, I always downplay it on the way there, like “oh, it’s just this little hole in the wall”. But in this case I’d have matched the brevity of her message here, and just said something like Booked This leaves a lot of open questions in her mind i.e. where, when, what kind of place, etc. Of course sure she would have replied with something, at which point you could have qualified her… Dress to make all the other men jealous or made a joke: Come hungry cos they serve hippopotamus sized portions A classier girl and/or a girl with a high-self impression would prefer the former, while a more “fun” girl would prefer the latter. 9:20 PM –Her: Eric sweetie!!

Good of you not to reply in response to her text here… you don’t always want to send the last text, but in this case it was the right call

Saturday, March 17th (about an hour before I picked her up) 5:13 PM—Me: I hope you’re gearing up for a night you won’t forget. Did I say id get u at 6 or 630? Either works for me You start to give away too much interest at this point. Being a Ten means that YOU’RE a busy guy. But the subtext here was “I can’t wait to see you and it can’t come soon enough”. Also, a guy who’s on top of his shit remembers this stuff. Better would have been: Heyyyy [nickname], ready to get some delish on tonizzight? Running a lil late, so prolly closer to 7ish for me. The nickname will make her smile, and the slang phrases add some personality. Also, the subtext here re: your timing is “my schedule and my priorities come firts”. It’s communicated very nicely, but it’s still loud and clear, and helps you maintain power. 5:34 PM—Her: Is like closer to 630 ok? Sorry its been a long day. 5:42 PM—Me: No worries babe. I have the perfect evening planned out to unwind She “gets” that you want to see her sooner, so she is very polite about asking for an extension. Again, this may not seem like a big thing to you, but it subcommunicates that you are making her a priority. And when you reply as you did here – sooooo positively and nicely – it confirms that. Better would have been something short like: For sure. I’m gonna squeeze in a quick run so just holla when you’re about ready I like to run and I’d do probably go on one if I had some extra time, so it wouldn’t be a lie for me to send something like this This sort of text subcommunicates two things. One, that you have a life and have other priorities and two, that she can take her time and you’re not going to rush her. 5:56 PM—Her: Thank goodness 6:08 PM—Her: Listen. Let me text u when I’m ready aiighht!! You let three texts go unanswered – prolly would have replied here with haha aiiight Would have made things a little smoother 6:39 PM –Her: Ok I’m ready

We drove up to the city that night, and went to dinner then back to the hotel, and had sex for the first, and so far only, time

Sunday March 18th (after returning home and dropping her off at her house) 12:35 PM—Her: Shit. Can you check your bag/car for my cell charger????? 12:36 PM—Her: Just kidding I found itttt 12:46 PM—Me: haha ok

Ok this is when it really starts to go wrong. After sex, you’ve GOT to make a girl feel good about herself. You HAVE to get this right. Instead, you waited ten minutes to reply, then got back with “haha ok”. What does that tell her? That you don’t care much. That you’ve had sex and are now doing other important things. This was SUCH a great opportunity to get back to her with something silly like Niiiiice thank goodness!!! Anything with a little more personality than “haha ok”. 1:16 PM –Her: Thanks again for inviting me. Your so sweet I had a wonderful time! 2:58 PM—Well you’re always good company haha (not sure if this was a good response or not. I wanted to sound nonchalant but now I’m thinking it may have come off as a little insensitive) Holy crap, you sure were a little insensitive. The point has already been made, but bears mentioning again: after a woman has given herself to you, make her feel GOOD about it. So I would have called her 5-30 minutes later and had a nice little talk – about how you loved spending time with her, and how sexy she was. Ask her what she’s up to for the rest of the day. Then say something like “well, something tells me I’ll catch you very soon on text”. That’s always an easy way back to texting, and asking her out again. (no response)

Friday March 24th (6 days after our trip. I tried to get her to come out with me again but failed)

6:52 PM –Me: Hey! You can’t bring that glass outside! (referencing something that happened to us on our trip the previous week) 7:05 PM –Her: Haha it was pretty amazing that it was still sitting there when we came back from dinner 7:08 PM — Her: What are ya doing tonight? 7:21 PM –Her: Heelllooooo 7:38 PM –Me: Might go out in a bit. Care to join me? If you were intentionally being evasive, this wasn’t the right time for it. And look – she put in the “effort” of sending three texts and subcommunicating that she was interested in hanging out (by asking what you were doing tonight). My guess is that, in your head, you were thinking “I should play this one cool and be the leader” but that, my friend, was a misread of the situation – it’s been a week since you last saw each other, she gave herself to you, and she’s being very responsive here. I’d have replied with something like… Nothing solid just yet, [friend's name who she knows] says he knows a party but is trying to work out details. How about your awesome lil self? See how that maintains your value, but still leaves the door open to hang out? A surprisingly large number of women – this girl likely included – are homebodies, and just want a guy to snuggle with and watch TV. And at a certain, having too active of a social life scares them away. 7:50 PM –Her: I’m pretty tired. Went out last night…worked forever today..all I want is a cookie dough milkshake with caramel sauce 8:13 PM –Me: Haha that sounds lovely. You will miraculously cure that tiredness tho when I buy you a caramel dessert shot Ahhh, I’ve definitely made this mistake – when a girl wants to stay in and I try to motivate her to go out and drink. It subcommunicates that you are still in “party” phase and not yet in boyfriend phase. Read between

the lines – when a girl says “I want to stay in and eat fattening foods” she is not looking to have a promotertype try to get her out and do shots Much better would have been: Hummm that sounds amazing… think you can share your secret recipe if I get the ingredients? Again – doesn’t necessarily commit you to hanging out there and then, but leaves the door open. Just remember: post-sex, the rules become a little more relaxed. You’re not boyfriend / girlfriend just yet, but you can start prioritizing her without losing your value. (no response)

We did go out again two day later on Sunday. This week, however, I tried to invite her again and got no response. It seems like my date ratio is currently at 50% (AKA I get a positive response from her every other time). We go out one time, then the next time she flakes. Then we go out again, then she flakes again. I’m not sure what happened between the last date and this next one, but my guess is that she gets the feeling that you are either a player, or not in a phase where you can commit. That’s certainly what I see when I read your text messages up to this point. Too much effort pre-sex, then not enough effort afterwards. So she is apprehensive and guarded because while she enjoys spending time with you, she has concerns about your emotional maturity and ability to be in a relationship. Again, just a guess, but I’d put strong odds on it There was a point in these text exchanges when you definitely could have escalated the relationship itself, but now you see where you took it in the opposite direction with coolness and nonchalance – it’s no surprise that she is closing off a little bit as well. Monday April 2nd 6:43 PM—Me: (Sent her a funny picture through text) 8:20 PM—Her: Niiiice 8:44 PM—Me: Do you know what Friday is 8:58 PM –Her: Good Friday 9:07 PM –Me: Haha yes but more importantly it is 65 degrees and sunny. Let’s make plans (No response) At this point, I’d use a re-engaging sequence from HOW2TXTHER needs some work.

She is not lost, but she definitely