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Relationship Thoughts for Men by Men | by Timm “Yanz” Yancy

Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

How and When to Call It Quits! How to Tell Why, When it’s Time to Quit Your Relationship and How to Get Out of It

By Timm “Yanz” Yancy

Available for F-R-E-E at www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Table of Contents Topic

The Male (Mars) Symbol Secret Sex Formula Romance Mathematics Romance Without Finance Life Is All about Ass Assitude Theory Who Understands Women Fat Girl Sexuality Myth Tips for Approaching Women Three Steps to Meeting Women Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is from the Hood Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is from the Trailer Park Twenty-Five Hidden Signs to Interpret Booty Call Etiquette Rules – Tips for a Successful Booty Call How to Impress a Women: How to Impress a Man Twenty-Five Rules Men Wished Women Knew She Said = She Meant: He Said = He Meant Twenty-Five Ways to Get a Fine Women Twenty-Five Things Never to Say When You are Having Sex Twenty-Five Things Never to Say to a Women Is Oral Sex Cheating Spitters versus Swallowers Spanking Your Monkey – Is Beating Cheating? Twenty-Five Ways to Tell When It’s Time to Quit Your Relationship Twenty-Five Ways to Get Out of Your Relationship Second Time Around Theory ABC’s Mans’ Guide to Breaking Up Twenty-Five Signs the Romance Has Gone This One is for Men ONLY! Twenty-Five Ways People Go Wrong in Relationships Yancy’s Matrixes of Women Installing Wife Vista 1.0 for Windows The Female Brain The Male Brain Marriage Thoughts Love, Lust and Marriage

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4 5 6 6 9 10 11 12 18 21 23 24 25 27 28 29 31 33 35 36 37 38 39 41 42 43 44 46 47 48 51 54 55 56 57 60

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THE MALE SYMBOL It has been claimed that the "Male" symbol (the planetary symbol for Mars) represents a shield and a spear - the warrior. This explanation appears to have originated in the 19th century at the height of modern revisionist sanitization of ancient beliefs. There is a claim that the original male symbol was the inverted female symbol. Older manuscripts depict the female symbol as having a "V-shape" instead of the cross - which would tie it in with the Hungarian Heart and make a lot more sense. As a simple representation it is remarkably phallic and it is easy to see the erect penis supported by the swollen testicle(s) viewed from the side. Before you "shiver" and run back to the spear and shield explanation - ask yourself: "where is the lower shaft of the spear?" Surprise, surprise - it’s not there, and to the best of our knowledge, never has been!

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Secret Sex Formula

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Romance Mathematics Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Romance Without Finance This is non-sense. You’ve seen the bumper sticker: Cash, ass or grass. I believe that having an understanding about the financial part of a relationship is of paramount importance. As a male there are certain responsibilities that need to be fulfilled but if a relationship is going to work, we are to get along together, we must share financial responsibility. I’m not saying that things should be evenly divided, but they must be some type of accountability. No one person should be held solely responsible for the financial responsibilities of the relationship. It’s just unfair. If one person in the relationship wants to do something then that person should pay for it, unless it’s something special where both benefit, otherwise both people should contribute. You can’t have romance without finance. It’s nonsense! It’s madness. Stop the madness!! A woman recently asked me for one hundred dollars. I asked her what do I get for $100.00? She said “An IOU.” That’s why I don’t like dealing with young women with no jobs, or minimum wage jobs. They are always begging. It always starts with I need… They need a job. That’s what they need. I like them nice and easy not nice and needy! I need a broke ass woman like I need a broke ass car or a hole in my head. It’s just like throwing money into something that will never work right. First they start off asking for money to get their hair done. Next it’s something else. It never ends until you end it. They keep begging like a panhandler. You just have to break it off just like an old tree branch. Snap. I’m tired of meeting women with cups in their hands. Get a job. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

If I were wealthy, I would support my woman financially and maybe a family or two. I just can’t do it now. At least not on a full time basis. Don’t get me wrong; anybody can have a temporary cash flow problem. I know I have one from time to time. I met a girl this year that worked at the cleaners I drop my clothes off. She was twentythree and nice looking. She was about a seven. I talked to her on the phone a few times and she would leave erotic messages on my answering machine. So I hooked up with her once. The next day she called me up and told me she needed her hair done. I ignored her, because I knew what she was up to. She asked did I hear her and I said no, so she said it again. I asked her how much it costs and she said eighty dollars. I think she thought I was going to give it to her. I asked her when did she want to get her hair done and she told me Saturday. I said call me when you get it done. I never heard from her again. The way a relationship starts is the way it is expected to continue. The beginning sets the standards. You can’t change horses in the middle of the stream. Someone once described me as being close to my money. I’m not really that intimate with money. I’m very generous as far as giving goes. I just try to get the best deals that I can get most of the time and I usually do get exceptionally great deals. I just don’t make a habit of giving money away. I’m not a philanthropist. I never had a woman who was rich or even had some spare change but I would not mind it at all as long as she is generous and attractive, knows that I can only do so much financially. She should fit most of my other criteria. I’d also appreciate it if she did not through it up in my face. I’m sure that I could fulfill some of her other needs like she could fulfill some of mine. “If you’re rich, then I’m single.” Get to know me! One thing for sure is that women don’t have a problem asking for money whether you have some or not. If they think you do have some, look out. It’s going to be trouble. I remember when I was in my twenties I had two friends Aaron and Calvin telling me about women. They were a few years older than I was and were my unofficial mentors. They were explaining cash flow and women to me and I needed to tap into that cash flow. I told them that I honestly could For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

not ask a woman for money even if I needed it. I’d do without before I’d do that. They jump all over me and told me that she would ask me, so I better ask her first. They were right. They will ask and have no shame about it. They know that if they don’t get it from you they can get it from someone else. Women have a constant cash flow. They work, get checks, child support, men give them money, they get it from their mother and father, and from their sisters and brothers. She might be down, but not out.

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Life is All About Ass… Life is all about ass… You’re either covering it, Laughing it off, Kicking it, Kissing it, Busting it, Trying to get a piece of it, Acting like one, Or in a relationship with one.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Ass/Attitude Theory (Assitude) I call it “Assitude Theory” There is a direct correlation to the size and shape of a woman’s ass and her personality and attitude, thus the word assitude is derived from that. This theory was coined in the late 1980’s to the early 1990’s after extensive research and investigation. I believe that women with big asses have big attitudes. I see it everywhere, everyday. They think their sh*t does not stink. They carry their attitudes on their backs like camels. The bigger the ass, the bigger the attitude. I dated a woman who had nice legs and no butt, after a year on my “Thigh-Bo” Exercise program (my patented- pending thigh and booty building program); she had an ass and an attitude to match. I created a monster. There is no antidote for it and once changed the attitude is a permanent condition. I think that I’m going to find me a woman with a smaller butt the next time and let it stay like it is. Don’t mess with nature. Also stay away from GMB (Genetically Modified Booty’s) as they can be trouble as well. Don’t bite of more than you can chew because a bad assitude is nothing to play with and can get your ass in trouble! This is a warning, I repeat, this is a warning. If you look at Oriental women, they don’t generally have an ass; consequently they generally don’t have an attitude. No ass makes them docile. No Ass = No Attitude. Big Ass = Big Attitude Little Ass = Little Attitude The research speaks for itself but try your own research and find out the hard way. Don’t say I didn’t warn you not once butt twice!

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Who Understands Women?

The nice Women are ugly. The attractive Women are not nice. The attractive and nice Women are lesbos. The attractive, nice and heterosexual Women are married. The Women who are not so attractive but are nice Women have no money. The Women who are not so attractive but are nice Women with money think we are only after their money. The attractive Women without money are after our money. The attractive Women, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are attractive enough. The Women who think we are attractive, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money are cowards. The Women who are somewhat attractive, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!! The Women, who never make the first move, automatically lose Interest in us when we take the initiative. NOW... WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS WOMEN?

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Fat Girl Sexuality Myth There is a myth that fat girls are better sexually. I was not set out on trying to prove this theory but accidents do happen. Fat women are built for warmth and comfort. More cushions and less pushing. I hear that they are great sexually, but I can’t vouch for that and really don’t want to find out. Really, I had one, just one, Wilma. She wasn’t that fat. She was not sloppy fat, just pleasingly plumb. Okay, it was true, but I am not going to get addicted to big girls. I don’t want any more fat girls. One is more than enough. I’m into quality not quantity. I’m on a fat free diet, plus fat girls have too much cholesterol for me. A guy named Dennis told me that fat women have places that they can’t reach and if they can’t reach it, they can’t clean it. He does not want to find something that they missed. It makes perfectly good sense to me. Some girls don’t think that they are fat; they’re “big-boned”. They need big bones to hold all of that fat. Big boned women are usually heavy handed, which means they have big hands. Did you ever see a fat person with little hands? They can be known to look like lion paws. Why do I say this? There are risks and danger involved with dating fat women; one of them is being trampled in a stampede. Also what if she decided to take a swing at you. A lion can kill you just by grazing you with a paw. If she has long nails, then you can forget it. It’s just like a bear scratching you. It would be more than a scratch. You are taking a risk with fat girls. Some guys like fat women. They say” Thin is in, but fat is where it’s at.” I can’t go for that. Just say no to fat girls is my motto. I do have a right to make choices in my life and this is not one of them. These are words to live and die by. I wrote a song to the tune of “I Can’t Go for That” By Hall and Oates, “ I can’t go for fat”. It goes like this: I say I can’t go for fat. No oh oh. No can do. I can’t go for fat. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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No oh oh. No can do. I can’t go. No can go. I can’t go. No I can’t go for fat. No can do. Forearmed is forewarned.

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Believe it or not, obesity affects more than one-

quarter of all adults and about one-in-five children in the United States! Today, 61 percent of all adult Americans (97 million) are categorized as being overweight or obese. Even more astonishing is the fact that each year, obesity causes at least 300,000 excess deaths and costs our country more than $100 billion. It’s actually the second leading cause of unnecessary deaths in America. Speaking of costs, I don’t know if it’s included in this figure or not, but they got to eat. Big girls got to get their eats on. You know those skinny Women have high metabolism and can eat up some food. There are only two types of women when it comes to eating; those that eat, and those who eat and put on weight. They know they can eat up some food especially when someone else is paying. You know you got a greedy Woman who says since you’re paying, I’m going to put an extra ten dollars on it and we can get a little more food or some extra desert. You know they eat dessert, it goes without saying. They take the desert before they’ll take a salad. It cost at least another thirty-nine cents to go out with her cause you got to biggie size everything you order for her.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

These shocking statistics, reported by the American Obesity Association, tell us that obesity has indeed reached epidemic levels. That’s good news and bad news. It’s good news for all of those Men who like fat Women. It’s a bonanza for them. It’s bad news for the Men like me who like the slim Women. They are turning fat. The Internal Revenue Service now recognizes obesity as a disease, and states that the costs of doctor-ordered diet and weight loss programs are now deductible. Now, the IRS is declaring obesity an actual ailment, so these programs would qualify as a diet or weight loss expense deduction. You don’t need to be a doctor to tell that these people are not healthy. Just look at them. For all of you Men out there rounding up all the fat Women, your herds are sick and have diseases. How safe is this? There are some Men who feel that they are caring and try to give fat Women extra care because they can understand how they feel. They are special. Especially sick. I can understand big Men having big women, but why do little Men have big women. I got a boy named Dennis, who is a 300 pound plus Brotha. He likes slim or thick Women, not the big ones. Dennis says he’s big enough, why would he want a big woman. That’s too much friction. Mosquito, his wife and his woman. Let me tell you about mosquito. He’s 50 something, 6 feet one inch and weighs about as much as a mosquito. He has an obscenely obese wife and she’s ill. He has a baby by a younger obese Woman who is in her twenties. I asked him if his wife know about her and he said that she did. She got mad and wanted to leave but he told her she’s fat and sick nobody wants her. That’s the fat Women Playa mind control. You feed them and control them. Little does she know, she has a lot of Men out there who she could choose from. She’s got what they want. Yes, there is a difference between being obese and being overweight. The best way to determine which one you are is by this simple test. Are you skinny, slim or thick? If you picked none of the above, then you are fat. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Are You At Risk? Chances are you’re more likely to suffer from obesity if you’re in a lower economic group, but statistics show that a growing number of young adults with some college education are also developing the disease. In fact, obesity has actually increased in every state, in both men and women, across every age and ethnic group. If you’re an African-American woman, studies show that you’re more likely to be overweight than your Caucasian counterpart. If you’re an African-American man, though, you’re actually less inclined to be obese than your Caucasian counterpart. Those of Hispanic origin tend to weigh more than Caucasians, and if you live in the South Atlantic region, you’re more prone to obesity than if you live in the Mid-Atlantic States. Beside these, there is an inherent risk when you deal with big Women. There are many dangers of dating fat women. They are jealous, possessive, large, heavy, and not to mention the dangers of a stampede. Trust me, being crushed to death is no fun, although I’ve never been crushed to death, a fat lady stepped in my toe once and it hurt like Hell. There are advantages like you can use her for an auto safety device, like an airbag. The down side is she cuts down your miles per gallon. But it’s a trade off for gas mileage for safety. Kid Rock has some lyrics that go, “I don’t like big cars or big fat women, but somehow I always find myself in them.” How to Fight Obesity. If you think you are addicted to big girls, here’s some good you can use. You can battle obesity and come out a winner! Here’s what the experts recommend: 1. Fat blocker tablets. Whenever the urge strikes or when you see a fat woman take them. This might just save your live. 2. Cut down drastically on night eating especially if you got out to get food. This puts you in fewer contacts with those Women who also enjoy late night snacks.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

3. Also you have less of a chance of going home with them. If you hear “That sounds like it taste real good”. Get your order and promptly leave the restaurant. That phrase will most likely be followed by, “Can I go home with you?” 4. Avoid working late shifts. Working between 4 p.m. and 8 a.m. will most likely cause you to eat more and take longer naps than day workers. Weight gain is inevitable. Also that’s where most of the big girls work because they like to sleep in. 5. Eat healthy! Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables are your best defense. Big girls see you eating this and it’s a turn off for them. Avoid rib tips, hamburgers, gyros, and tacos in their presence. 6. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! Cardiovascular activity three times a week (or more) will keep your body -- and your mind -- in shape and they won’t be able to catch you if you run. If you like big girls, then disregard all this and do the opposite of everything stated above. I have always attracted big girls from Yogi and Booboo in high school, to a big one in Junior Achievement to several in college and it goes on. Maybe it was not that many but it sure seemed like it. I’m not mean or mean spirited but they just scared me, I’d give them the brush off. I’m sorry, I know big girls have feeling too but I’m not trying to feel that, if you know what I mean. When I was a Captain in the Army in North Carolina, everywhere I went they were all over me. I had Fat Mack Disease. I was leaving the club and saw two of my boys and told they I was getting fat attacked everywhere I went out east. As I left the club, two big girls where coming in They were scooping out a Brotha and of course they spoke. I felt naked like a chicken on a rotisserie. I just left. My guys just laughed. There are human attractants called pheromones. When women get a whiff of your scent they are stimulated and attracted to you. I think that some Men emit Phateromes which are fat sexual attractant scents that smell like

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

chicken. It drives them crazy just makes them want to eat you up. Everyone can’t smell them. They only work on fat women. I have a cousin whose name I won’t mention. He only dates fat women and ghetto women. I mean big, robust women of at least 250 pounds. He gets his monies worth. He knows he’s going to eat because they always have food.

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Ten Tips for Approaching Women Most Men don’t know what to say; here's what they really should do. What do you do when you see a Women you are attracted to? Do you run and hide? Do you use some canned line that you read on the Internet? Do you stand there in fear trying to think of the right thing to say? What is the right thing to do? When approaching a Woman, most Men make the mistake of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there's one magic line that will work in all situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will become instantly attracted to them. Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work -- because most of what you say is irrelevant. To catch a woman's attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her. Here are 10 fool-proof ways to intrigue her every time: 1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here. If she says yes follow it up with, “I know where you can get some good beef. Black Angus too!” Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on. 2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction -- a requirement for building rapport. If your grill is messed up, then keep your mouth closed while you smile. If you are from St. Louis or down south you can show you gold grill when you smile but make sure that the light does not reflect into her eyes! 3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident -- an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it. 4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk. Be confident without being conceited. 5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you. I like to wave at For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Women. If they wave back then gesture for her to come over. Either she will come or she will wave you over. 6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this. Wink at her and see if she winks back. If she winks back then lick your lips and she what she does. 7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Have your response prethought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. They also love a witty man. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast. 8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence. Sometimes the shy guy role will work but you got to look like the old Michael Jackson with the black nose and afro like in the Wiz. 9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like " I was just about to pick that cucumber but go ahead and take it. I got a bigger one.” Follow this with a wink and a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Only one of three things will happen: She will give you the cucumber, she will curse you out or you will be all good. Only time will tell. Practice this and practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends -- notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations. 10. Lean away from her. A Brotha who leans in too far when he talks often makes a Woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself but get close enough to smell her breath. Also chew some fresh gum with breath mints in it and offer her one. If someone offers you gum or a breath mint, take it. It might be a kind way of telling you your breath stinks. The key to making these tips work for you is to put them into practice! Practice these tips and see the reaction you get. It’s a test. It’s all a test. When you put them all together, you will be surprised at their power.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Now that you approached her and realize that you would like to take it further, then you got to have more in your relationship tool box. Here is a simpler technique that is almost fool proof. I call it the Four Step Open Technique. Like everything else in this world that works or people who write the books say works; it’s got to have steps. This is no exception to the rule and it’s a four step process. Four Step Open Technique Step 1. Open your mind – Remove any mental blocks that may be preventing you from getting the woman that you both deserve and desire. A mind is like a parachute, it works best when open. I don’t know who wrote it but it was not me but I believe it and use it daily. I believe that a closed mind will shut you out of opportunities that are there for your realization. Step 2. Open Your Arms- Make a way to receive the woman that you desire. Opening your arms is like visualization but it’s a symbolic gesture. Imagine yourself holding and squeezing the woman you desire. What you believe that you can achieve you can conceive. Step 3. Open your Heart – The heart is the symbol of love. By opening your heart you are creating a place for the woman you desire. Step 4. Open your wallet – Money talks and bullshit walks. If you got the bucks, you can get almost any woman you desire at least for a few hours and that might just be enough. Women love generous men and it’s a good way to impress them. If you ask a woman what does she prefer a man with a big Johnson or a rich man, I’m sure 9 out of 10 will say a rich man with a big Johnson!

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Three Steps to Meeting Women Most Men think there's a magic word they can say to get a woman to talk to them. While there is no such "magic word," there are three keys to communicating with a woman that work almost every single time. This is not earth-shattering stuff. What I'm about to teach you is a simple approach that has worked every single time I or one of my students have used it. Here are the three simple steps to communicating with a woman: Step 1: Observe What She Is Doing. Take the example of a woman standing behind you in line at the supermarket unloading her groceries. What is she putting on the conveyor belt? If she's behind you in line at Starbucks, what is she ordering? What is she eating? Notice everything she's doing. Let the environment give you something to say. Most guys think of something to say that's so random it makes absolutely no sense in a woman's mind. Women actually make fun of these guys and say, "You won't believe what he actually came over and said to me." Ask what is good in this place besides you? Or what is that you’re drinking or eating?” Step 2: Act on the Observation. In order to properly act upon the observation, you need to open her up and evoke a feeling. For instance, if a Woman is ordering a double espresso, the thing to talk about is usually the first thing that comes to your mind. A typical guy might say, "Do you like coffee?" which leads to a yes or no answer. A man who is 100 percent present will look at her and say, "Try a little salt in that coffee because you sure look sweet to me!" What you're trying to do is stay inside her head and remain in her current thought process. It's much easier to have a conversation based upon things she's already experiencing. A Woman will share something that's already going on in her head. Another example: you're standing at a bar and see a woman ferociously texting someone while standing there by herself. You can walk over and make an assumption like "Is your friend late?" This will in turn open up a conversation based upon feelings and emotions. Women are emotional creatures. They want to bond with you emotionally. They don't want to bond with you randomly. This leads us to Step 3.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Step 3: Listen to What She Has to Say. In order to have good conversation and bond with a Woman, you need to listen to what she says. If you listen to her, you will know what to say next. It's called a conversation for a reason. A lot of Men always think about what to say next, or they have a script in their head about what to say next. That's not a conversation -- that's a bad screenplay. For example, I was standing with a couple of Men at the airport. There was a Women standing there by herself with a suitcase. So what did these two Men do? They observed and they asked her: Brotha: "So where are you going?" Women: "Georgia." Immediately one of them says, "Georgia? I'm from ATL." That's not a conversation. That is a Brotha changing the subject to talk about himself. He doesn't care about her right off the bat. The correct thing to say in this situation is this: Men: "Where are you going in Georgia?" Women: "To Magic City for and audition as a dancer. Then I’ll just hang out at Freaknic for the rest of the weekend." Now, in turn, the two Men can keep her present in her head about the weekend and ask her about her trip. Men: "Where are you staying?" or "Wow, that’s funny. I work right around there. Mind if I show you around a little?" Then introduce yourself and give her a business card. Always introduce yourself! If they listen and stop thinking about how to amuse her by telling her they're from ATL, they'll actually connect with her and have a conversation about the stripping, hotels, and fun -- and who knows where the conversation might go. Men complicate things for no reason. There are no magic lines that you can say, but in reality if Men just talked to Women like they talk to their closest friends, they would have amazing conversations. Men just need to relax and listen to what the Women are saying.

Do this and you're going to have great conversations. It's that simple! Get out of the house, observe, react, practice and listen! After a while it will become second nature. Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is from the Hood Ghetto is as Ghetto does! 1. Her house smells like roach spray 2. She has gold teeth and wears Hoochie Momma dresses 3. She says, “Who dat is”, and has a “baby daddy“. 4. She has big hair like Bart Simpson’s momma 5. She has a cardboard picture taken in the club with the spray painted background 6. She gets her nails done at a Korean nail Salon 7. She invites you to the Player’s Ball and wants you to pay and buy her an outfit 8. She invites you to the Gangbanger’s Picnic 9. She has a cell phone with no minutes, a pager and no telephone at home 10. She has a Link Card and don’t leave home without it. 11. The roaches in her house only come out when company comes over. 12. Her drinking glasses used to be jelly jars and her set still doesn’t match. 13. The heels of her feet are so ashy; they look like she was kicking flour. 14. She wears her shower cap everywhere but in the shower. 15. She dry-cleans washable clothes like jeans, t-shirts, and baseball jerseys. 16. She picks her teeth with a matchbook or a business card. 17. She wears the clothes with the tags still on them 18. She cleans her ears with a bobby pin, key, or an ink pen top. 19. She has trouble spelling her kids names and she named them 20. She wears house shoes everywhere but in the house. 21. She pronounces words like skrimps or strimps, skreet, lookeded, spisketti, skineded, or fitna. 22. She got pissed of when the government stopped the free cheese program. 23. Whenever she eats macaroni and cheese she has to make a comment about gobment cheese. 24. She takes the bus to the club. 25. She wears a watch that does not work.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is Trailer Trash 1. She can cook up some mean road kill stew. 2. She drinks sour mash and does the monster mash 3. When the devil went down to Georgia he slept in her trailer. 4. She rocks a Chevy Vega and a Ford Pinto Monster truck. 5. She can shoot a rifle better than Annie Oakley 6. When she rides a hog, it’s a real one like Arnold Ziffle from Green Acres. 7. Her mother gives gummers to plumbers. 8. She says meth is the new crack 9. She is featured in the dog and pony show 10. Her belly is so fat that if she pulls it back her panties will fall off. 11. She is a serial guest on the Jerry Springer Show. 12. Uncle Cracker is her real uncle. 13. The movie Deliverance is her family reunion documentary film footage. 14. She has a confederate flag tattoo 15. She wears Daisy Duke shorts and David Dukes t-shirts 16. She likes Jack Daniels BBQ sauce and Jack Daniels 17. She like Charlie Daniels 18. She can spit chewing tobacco like a grass hopper 19. She thinks the girls at Hooter are too sididdy. 20. She has all the episodes of He Ha on VHS including the lost episodes. 21. She is an NASCAR fan and her dream car is a swamp buggy 22. She has a mixed bloodhound, beagle, and pit bull dog. 23. She has a Tractor Pull All Access V.I.P. Pass. 24. She makes her own moonshine from a secret family recipe. 25. She has an Elvis Pressley King Collector plate hanging on the wall. Extra Bonus 26. She has at least 4 teeth missing in the front of her mouth. 27. She has so many tattoos the tattoo lady at the county fair looked at her and gave her money back. 28. She thinks the south will rise again is a slogan for Viagra and that Cialis is a Confederate Civil War General. 29. The Marlboro man and John Wayne have slept at her grandmother’s house with her grandmother. 30. Her mother is her sister and her father is her brother. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Hidden Signs to Interpret The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way" Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come Changes tables – Nymphomaniac Drinks Decaffeinated - Fakes Orgasm (Female) Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male) Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a hand job For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your sports posters Under tips waiter - Small penis Under tips parking valet - Small penis Under tips cabby - Small penis Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Booty Call Etiquette Rules for a Successful Booty Call

1. No sleeping over 2. No meeting in public 3. No calls before 2a.m. 4. None of that "lovemaking" shit 5. No emotional discussions...(ex. Where are we heading with this? You know where it's heading, to the bedroom. That’s where it’s heading!!) 6. No plans made in advance...that is why you are called the 'backup' 7. No non-sexual gifts (Altoids not included) 8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged) 9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers (in fact, no conversations are a plus) 10. No kissing (too intimate) 11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never will be) 12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, "HONESTLY I WAS THINKING ABOUT TONI BRAXTON/ TYSON BECKFORD, are completely acceptable) 13. No extra clothing (I don't want your ass leaving anything behind that my real man/woman might find!) 14. No guilt about falling asleep right after sex 15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it (I don't care)...and don't ask me!! I'll get mine - you worry about yours. 16. I will not walk you to the door/car for any reason. 17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girl (man). 18. Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when I am tired and let you ride) 19. Reason for doggie style: The less eye contact the better, it destroys the purpose 20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes The aforementioned rules are NOT up for discussion: They are a pre-booty call agreement! Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

How to Impress a Women

How to Impress a Man

Show up naked. Compliment her Bring alcohol! Cuddle her Kiss her

Bring weed if applicable!

Caress her Love her Stroke her Tease her Comfort her Protect her Hug her Spend money on her Wine and dine her Buy things for her Listen to her Care for her Stand by her Support her Go to the ends of the Earth for her

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Rules That Men Wish Women Knew 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 2. No means no. Yes means yes. Maybe means yes. 3. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 4. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. 5. If you did it voluntarily, we would not have to push your head down. 6. A headache that lasts for 3 months is a problem. See a doctor. 7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. 8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear. 9.

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

10. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as other Women butts, cars and trucks, the military, action movies, and what it would be like to have sex with your girlfriend 11. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it! 12. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. **Remind us frequently beforehand. 13. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 14. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. 15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 16. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done but not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 18. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it, and quit whining to your girlfriends - their relationship is no better. 19. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 20. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the seasons. Let it be. It is what it is. 21. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

22. When we have to go somewhere, anything you wear is absolutely fine. 23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 24. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 25. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

She Said = She Meant

He Said = He Meant I’m hungry = I’m hungry

Yes = No

I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy No = Yes

Maybe = No

I’m tired = I’m tired

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry

Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

We need = I want

Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

It’s your decision = The correct decision should Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have be obvious by now sex with you Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later

May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you

Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to

Nice dress = Nice cleavage

Be romantic turn the lights out = I have flabby You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to thighs fondle you Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for What’s wrong? I don’t see why you’re making such a something expensive big deal How much do you love me? = I did something What’s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question that you’re really not going to like tonight I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick your shoes off What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted and find a good game on TV trauma are you going through this time? Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful

I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree I love you = Let’s have sex now with me This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better house before Are you listening to me? = Too late you’re Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it dead doesn’t look that much different! The same old thing = Nothing

Let’s talk = I’m trying to impress you by showing you that I’m a deep person and maybe you’d like to have

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

sex with me Everything = My PMS is acting up

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other men I like that one better = Pick any f*cking dress and let’s go home!! Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

25 Twenty-Five Ways to Get a Fine Women 1. Win the lottery. Money talks and bullsh*t walks. 2. Image is everything. Stay clean, fresh and smell good enough to eat. 3. Take pride in your appearance. Wear quality clothing and keep it clean, pressed and tailored. Never ever wear wrinkled clothes outside. Always wear a belt that fits, not one that goes around half of your back or one you punched extra holes in. A belt only cost $20.00. 4. Get a real job 5. Have some pocket change and a credit card. 6. Put on clean grown men’s underwear everyday and wear grown men’s’ underwear and not kiddie shorts. The only exception is the elephant head underwear with the trunk on the front and ears on the side. 7. Drop phrases like “do fries go with that shake? 8. Start using phrases like, “I need to find a new investment banker.” 9. Know the best restaurants in town 10. Keep your hair styled or at least get the back lined weekly. 11. Get a nice car that you can afford to maintain. Completely unacceptable cars are any Hyundai, Geo Metro, or Ford Aspire. 12. Keep an extra Benz, BMW, Jaguar, or Lexus. 13. Spend some money on yourself. If you don’t, then women will think that if you’re cheap with yourself, you’ll be cheap with them and you can’t hold you own. 14. Spend some money on her, but don’t go overboard and put yourself in debt. 15. Get a cell phone, that way you can reach out and touch her. 16. Get some business cards and pass them out every opportunity that you get. They are an extension of your penis. They will call. Don’t make them on your computer. Buy professional raised print cards. They only cost $20.00. 17. Hang out with fine Women. The others want to be seen and want to meet you. Plus they want to know why you have it going on. 18. Buy some real shoes, not gym shoes, and keep them shined. 19. Make sure your clothes are coordinated and never ever wear white socks with dress shoes unless you’re Mexican. 20. Get some decent jewelry, nothing excessive and only on ring per hand please, unless you’re form Mississippi or have coordinated gold teeth. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

21. Go to church. That’s where fine women congregate. Carry a bible; women might think that you’re the Brotha she prayed for. You can be a “Freakin Deacon”. 22. Carry a current relationship book or romance novel and read it. When they ask you questions turn it around and let them talk, you listen. 23. Get a part-time job at Victoria’s Secret. 24. Hang out in the produce and sausage sections of your neighborhood grocery store. 25. Learn to dance and have a sense of humor. Return to Contents

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Twenty-Five Things to Not Say When You’re Having Sex 1. I have to take a poop. Can you hold on until I get back? 2. Smile for the camera. 3. This is your first time, right? 4. You’re almost as good as my ex. 5. When is this supposed to feel good? 6. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs! 7. My friends were right, you are good. 8. Actually your sister likes it like this… 9. What’s you name again? 10. Hold on, let me change the channel. 11. I think the condom broke about 15 minutes ago. 12. No you can’t get on top. You’re too fat. 13. They were right, fat girls do it better. 14. You don’t sweat much for a fat girl either. 15. My buzz is wearing off and you sure are getting ugly. 16. Get off me. I’ll finish by myself. 17. If I knew you were this bad, I’d beat my meat and would have kept the money I spent on dinner. 18. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights. 19. Did you ever try doing it with a bag on your head? 20. Keep it down. My mother is a light sleeper. 21. Do I have to pay for this? 22. I good to be in bed with someone I don’t have to inflate for once. 23. Are you sure that’s the right hole? 24. I’m so glad I’m not gay anymore. 25. Don’t worry; I’m not going to release in your mouth. Return to Contents

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Twenty-Five Things Never to Say to a Woman 1. I want you to be my baby’s momma. 2. Damn, you got a fat ass 3. Where’d you get that ass? 4. Are you married? Well do you fool around? 5. Help a Brotha out 6. Do fries go with that shake? 7. Can I have some head? 8. Can I borrow some money 9. Can I borrow your car or can I drive your car? 10. You look like a white girl 11. Do you have any spare change? 12. Is that your hair? It’s unbeweavable. 13. Let’s go to McDonalds 14. I want to be your baby’s daddy? 15. How old are you? 16. Have you put on weight? 17. How much do you weigh? 18. What’s up with your girlfriend? She sure is fine! 19. What’s up with your sister? She sure is fine! 20. What’s up with your momma? She sure is fine! 21. Are you hungry? (They always are) 22. When was the last time you had an AIDS test? Did you pass it? 23. Don’t I know you from the clinic? 24. Are you sisters or mother and daughter? Who is the mother? You look just like sisters. 25. Do I know you? You remind me of… Return to Contents

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Is Oral Sex Cheating? That depends. Guys think differently about things and this is one of them. In the words of Ex-President William Clinton, “Eating ain’t cheating”. I think that getting oral sex is not cheating. Giving oral sex is cheating. Speaking of oral sex, when it comes to oral sex, there are two types of people; those who do, and those who do and say they don’t. Are oral sexual techniques innate or learned? I don’t know. I do know that I like to be done. You know 68. Do me and I’ll owe you one. Is there such a thing as bad head? No. Just kidding. When a brother gets nicked, that’s bad. I’ve always been scared of women with braces. I would hate to get shredded like a veg-amatic. I prefer woman who doesn’t give head that well. If she’s too good, she had too much practice. I don’t think it’s natural to be that good. I prefer a woman to practice on me. I’d like for her to learn to be like a vacuum cleaner with dual cyclonic action, a woman who can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Why shouldn’t the President get head? He’s the most powerful man in the most powerful nation in the world. He’s under a lot of pressure. I think that’s the least that the people could do to show their appreciation. Each state should have an elected position. What does that House of Representatives represent? I wouldn’t give him head, but I’d vote for a woman, providing I knew she was qualified to represent me. They could put it on the cable station and call it “Heading to Washington”. When I was in college I had a roommate named Calvin. He was about 5 years older. I liked talking with him because he was a real Man and he was wise. One day he broke down the True Story of the Garden of Eden to me. He told me about translations from the temples in Egypt that said that the apple was symbolic of oral sex. When Eve offered Adam a bite of the apple of the tree of life, what was actually was doing was hooking Adam up and women have been suckers ever since. I don’t know if there is any truth to that, but it’s a good story. What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Blowjob? Blowjob: You can beat your meat or eggs but you can’t beat a blowjob. What the difference between your paycheck and your pecker? You don’t have to beg your woman to blow your paycheck. Return to Contents

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Spitters and Swallowers I had a dream that one day I was walking through the woods with my young son. As we were walking, a bird flew over our heads. My son asked, “Dad, what kind of bird is that?” I said, “Son that’s a swallow.” He asked me, “Why are they called swallows?” I told him, “Son there are two kinds of birds in this world, birds that spit and birds that swallow. That one swallows. Some birds swallow and some birds spit.”

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Spanking Your Monkey - Is Beating Cheating? (Spanking the Monkey, Choking the Chicken, Pulling the Pud, Waxing the Candle) Did you ever get busted beating your meat? It’s embarrassing. Look at what happened to Peewee Herman. There’s a time and a place for that. You just can’t go around doing that everywhere. He knew better. One night I was hanging out partying, drinking and when I came home my woman was in bed sleep. I would have been inconsiderate of me to wake her up to get some so I got in the bed and started to spank my monkey. Just when it started to get good she grabbed my Johnson like a Samurai warrior catching an arrow. I scared the like out of him. She said what are you doing? I said I was priming him up for you but you scared the Hell out of me and almost gave me a heart attack. Look at him now. See what you did, you killed him. I don’t want any now, just go back to sleep. I think I played it off. Some Sistas think that waxing the candle is cheating. How can you cheat on yourself? Beating ain’t cheating! It just doesn’t make sense. It’s safe, fun, and your hand can’t get pregnant. You got to use sense and wash your hands before and after. You can still get and transmit disease. If you did catch something you know where you got it. It’s the safest sex that you can have. If you did catch something, you know whom you got it from. It’s half as messy and you don’t have to worry about pregnancy. What you do to your meat is your business. That’s how they came up with monkey business. I believe that if the government could tax you for beating your meat that they would. If they can’t control they either make it illegal or destroy it some way. I believe that in the future the government will try to stop people from masturbating or try to tax it. They’ll call it the Candle Wax Tax. I wouldn’t be surprised if disease is being created and we’ll have to wear condoms and rubber gloves to choke our chickens. In the future there will be a disease that you can catch form yourself. You’ll have to e=wear rubber gloves to beat your meat ant they’ll tax the gloves just like they do with gas, liquor, and cigarettes. You’ll have to go on the black market to get extra gloves because they won’t be able to keep up with the demand for gloves.

Currently several states have laws on the books about what you can and can’t do sexually. I think that what you do to your meat is your business. What’s the problem? I’m just glad that it’s not illegal to have oral sex in Illinois. I’d have to drive about 45 miles to get to Indiana. I guess to make it worth my while, I could fill my car up on cheaper gas, pick up some lottery tickets, and go grocery chopping because they have don’t tax food. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

If a guy goes to a sperm bank, they give you a sex magazine and a container. You go in a little room and beat your beat. Everyone knows that’s what you’re doing in there. If you go in with an empty cup and come out with something in it, then you must have been doing something. It’s like a bank, it is a bank. They pay for deposits. If I had a dollar for every time I spanked my monkey I could buy a zoo. Millions of dollars may have slipped from my hands. It’s not unusual. At the end of the movie “Exit Wounds”, the talk show hosts were talking about masturbating. It is one of the funniest things you can hear. Women, if you come home and find a roll of paper towels in your bedroom on the nightstand and the windows and mirrors are still dirty, please hook a Man up. I heard about a guy who went to the doctor because his Johnson turned orange. The doctor asked him what he did yesterday. The guy said nothing doc, I was at home watching flicks and eat Cheetoes, and when I woke up the next morning it was orange. A man’s best friend is his hand. It’s there through thick and thin. Good times and bad time. I will never let a Man down. Women will come and go, but your monkey will always need to be spanked. I was at the zoo one time and saw a monkey spanking his own monkey. One book you’ll never see is The Joy of Spanking Your Monkey. It’s an instinct. You don’t have to learn it. Spank your monkey like it stole something. In order to make it easier on Men starting with myself, I’m going to start my own organization called Penis’s without Partners. I’d also have foster homes and an adoption agency. On the commercial I’d say I’m not just the president I’m a client. Help a Brotha out. It starts when you’re a little boy in the tub and you run out of bubbles. First you take your toys and swirl them around. They you get an idea. Let me take my thing and shake it around in the tubs like an eggbeater. The next thing you know you go suds everywhere. They’re over the top of the tub. You got suds on the floor. Suds are in the toilet; the toilet is covered up with suds. You got suds in the sink. Before you even realize it, suds are everywhere. It so much fun you want to tell your parents what you just discovered but that’s where the trouble starts. Some things you just have to learn to keep to yourself. Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Ways to Tell When It’s Time to Quit Your Relationship 1. When he or she turns to drugs and not hugs 2. When the bad times are more common than the good times 3. When she starts to answer your phone and then puts her message on your answering machine 4. When you check the caller I.D. it’s him or her and you don’t want to answer the phone and you hate to hear his or her voice 5. When debt gets high and funds get low 6. When the poontang is broke, you’re not getting sex and don’t care 7. When he or she stops listening to you and you don’t care 8. She plays the “Waiting to exhale “Soundtrack over and over 9. When she buys rat poison and you don’t have rats 10. When she buys 100 pounds of grits and a big pot. (And you don’t eat grits) 11. When you get tired of going to her bald, drunk, fat assed, hairy momma’s house for Sunday Dinner 12. When you start drinking just to stay out late at night 13. When you join a bowling league just to get away and you don’t like bowling 14. When you stay out all night just to be sure that she’s sleep when you get home 15. When you watch the news and hope that she’s on it 16. When her kids start calling you daddy 17. When she gets too big to pick up without hurting your back 18. When you have babies momma or babies daddy drama 19. When you wake up in the morning and find her fat and you can’t go for that. No no. 20. When she fixes a plate and tell you to fix your own plate 21. When she comes into the bathroom to take a dump and you’re brushing your teeth or when she changes sanitary products in your presence 22. When she farts in bed or she farts while you’re giving her oral sex 23. When she wrecks your car 24. When her waist size gets bigger than yours and you’re already fat as Hell or when she can wear your pants and they fit her. 25. When she stops wearing thongs and negligees and wears hair rollers and flannel pajamas and goes from she goes from size panties to size draws. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Ways to Get Out of Your Relationship 1. Stop calling. Start by telling him or her you’ll call her back and don’t. Call less frequently until you stop. You got to wean them like a baby. 2. Stop visiting. Start by gradually cutting back your contact. 3. Start stealing their panties or drawers and wear them provided you have similar sized butts. 4. Men buy some women’s panties and put them in your underwear drawer. When she asks whose they are, you tell her you bought them for her. She’ll never believe it. You won’t be able to answer the questions she asks, so she’ll think you’re lying. 5. Move or relocate. Get in the Witness Protection Program. 6. Give your partner a sexually transmitted disease. 7. Get another woman pregnant. 8. Men Only: Grab her, but don’t hit her. If she doesn’t kill you get away fast and don’t come back. 9. Start drinking heavily. Put clear liquids in a vodka bottle and drink the whole thing by you self. Tell her you’re not hurting anyone. 10. Buy a crack pipe and leave it somewhere they’ll find it. Tell them that you’re not smoking crack. They won’t believe it either. Do not start smoking crack. 11. Start dressing crazy. They will not want to go out with you and be seen in public. 12. Start wearing sunglasses whenever you’re with them. When they asks what’s wrong with your eyes. Tell them nothing. Again they won’t believe you and will think you’re lying. 13. Accidentally leave a Women or Men’s phone number in your stuff when you empty your pockets. When they find it, tell them that it’s an old friend from school. 14. Borrow some money and don’t pay it back. 15. Hit on her sister. Hit on her mother. 16. Hit on his Brotha. Hit on his dad. 17. Change your religion or join a cult. Change your name. The more exotic the better. Please be careful and don’t get caught up. Remember this is only temporary. 18. Start hanging out with her girl friend or his boy. 19. Start hanging out with a Women or Men they can’t stand. 20. Spank their bad assed kids. That will piss her off. 21. If they don’t smoke, smoke weed in their car when they let you use it.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

22. Drive another woman in your car. When she moves the car seat your woman will know that someone else was in the car and start asking questions. 23. Tell him or her that you’re gay and just could not take being straight anymore. 24. Go to Jail. This is a last resort. Sometimes you’ll be safer in jail. 25. Get married to someone else. This is also a last resort strategy.

Yancy’s Law on the Second Time Around Things will never be the same as they were the first time. It will get much worse, much quicker. Just like Sade’s song, “It’s never as good as the first time”. Let’s not mention Shalimar’s Second Time Around. I dated a woman named Channel again after a few years and it was even worse the second time around. It only lasted less than two months because of the same things. SSDD (Same Stuff Different Day). Some things don’t change only time does. Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

ABC’s Mans’ Guide to Breaking Up

A is for Another. If she isn't the right lover for you then find another. B is for Bash. If she doesn't want you than you can bash her name all over town. C is for Call. Tell her you will call her, even though you have absolutely no intention of ever speaking to her again. D is for Duck. If you see her duck around the corner. Avoid running into her at all costs. E is for Esteem. Never, ever leave her with her self-esteem intact. She may just see you for the scum-sucker that you really are, meet a new man, and get a better life. F is for F*ck. Yes, it's okay to still f*ck her. G is for Guilt. Don't worry about guilt. These feelings will pass when you realize just how wrong she did you by loving you. H is for Handy. See "F is for...” I is for Insecure. If you are insecure about the breakup tell her you still want to be 'friends'. That way if you ever change your mind... J is for Jealousy. Whenever you see her displaying jealousy over your new playmate, tell her exactly how much better you're doing without her. K is for Kiss. Make sure at the time of the breakup to give her a deep, throaty, seductive, 10minute long kiss goodbye. Women love this! L is for Love. Tell her it hurts you more than her because you love her so much. This insures that she will find it very difficult to let go. M is for Masturbate. When it becomes necessary to masturbate -- never, ever fantasize about her. This can be very damaging to your mental health and sexual well-being. N is for Narcissistic. This is a trait that women find most attractive in a man. Narcissistic men don't ever have to go through breakups, even if they wanted to -- they can never really, truly leave themselves, anyway. O is for Old. Yes, a 26-year-old is much too old for you! Dump her--you can always find a much younger woman (maybe your daughter has some friends?...)! For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

P is for Pity. When you still see her alone weeks later walk up to her and tell her you pity her inability to find someone. Remind her again exactly how much better you're doing without her. Q is for Quantity. You can never tell her too much how very wrong she is for you. The quantity of your rejection is what women really want to hear. R is for Ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous, of course you'll find better. S is for Sex. See "F is for...” T is for Timing. Timing is everything. Plan your breakup about the time term papers are due, she is late with her period, or her mother just died. This way she will be so busy with other things in her life that she'll breeze right through the breakup. U is for Unnatural. It is unnatural to have any contact with a woman you professed to love for years. See "D is for...” V is for Vow. Vow to love her forever--this prevents her from letting go and moving on. Follow up with "K is for...” W is for Wink. Wink at every woman you meet or see. Old ones, young ones, fat ones, skinny ones, tall ones, short ones. Woman are stupid, they will not know you have no self-esteem. They will think they are cute. X is for Xylophone. Everybody knows that. Y is for You. Remember you are the most important factor here. Step on all others. Z is for zzzzzzzzz. If you followed steps A-Y you should be able to get your zzzzzzzzzzz's!

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Signs the Romance has Gone Out of Your Relationship 1.

You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears.

2.

Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.

3.

Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.

4.

PMS lasts all month.

5.

Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.

6.

"Honey, what are you thinking?" is now, "Are you finished yet?!"

7.

He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work.

8.

Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.

9.

Two weeks no orgasm.

10.

Three weeks no orgasm ... and you still don't miss it.

11.

When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.

12.

You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator.

13.

The way he breathless is getting on your nerves.

14.

Your Spouse uses your toothbrush to scrub tile grout.

15.

Candlelight dinners now illuminated by sticks of dynamite.

16.

Spouse has gone from moaning while making love to moaning ABOUT making love.

17.

Victoria's Secret? More like K-Mart's Special.

18.

The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC.

19.

Morning breath no longer gives you that same thrill.

20.

Husband's casual suggestions to "try swinging" are growing alarmingly frequent.

21.

Your husband wants to adopt a 17 year-old waitress from Hooters.

22.

A romantic Saturday night at home now includes the Andy Griffith Show.

23.

Husband keeping list of things he'll do after you're finally dead.

24.

Request for sex now gets him $100 and a ticket to Vegas.

25.

Your prefer to sleep with the dog in the bed over your spouse. Return to Contents

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

This One is for Men Only!

I have a sure fire, guaranteed, fool-proof way of getting out of a bad first date. As soon as you realize things are not working out and you want to end it try this. In the “Tell me something about you part of the conversation”, you say, “Well, I’m an ex-convict, I love to smoke, drink, choke my chicken, sometimes I stink, I hate church, I’m cheap, selfish, unemployed, got five different baby mommas, and I live in my mommas basement but if take the time to get to know me you may find out that I really a nice person. By the way did I say that I like to spank my monkey?”

At that point if she doesn’t leave, then it’s really important that you do. If she’s still interested in you after that, she is crazy and you need to get away quickly!

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Twenty-Five Ways People Go Wrong in Relationships Where did you go wrong? How could you have misunderstood what you thought was clicking or hitting it off? Maybe it's time you learned the Twenty-Five turnoffs that make good Men and Women say goodbye. If any of these sound like you, it's time to re-evaluate yourself. 1. Blame and Criticism. Instead, ask for what you want in a clear, specific and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that we make a contribution and that it is noticed. 2. Assumptions – Assume – u make an ass out u and me. That’s what it means to assume. 3. Making decisions without knowing all the facts – Speculation, and a guess at best. Get your facts straight just like you are going into court otherwise all you got is conjecture and bullshit. 4. Jumping to conclusions – That’s like adding 1 + 1 = 4. It’s not right and something is wrong with your thinking process to come up with the answers you get. 5. Taking things for granted – Don’t become too familiar and relaxed. Stay on your toes and stay on your game. 6. Not asking – If you don’t ask I won’t tell you. Ask and you will receive. Don’t get mad at me because I didn’t do something you wanted me to do. If it meant that much to you then you should have asked me. Likewise don’t take anything without asking. It’s not that I would not have given it to you, but you took it without asking which is the same as stealing. It’s about courtesy and respect. 7. Talking too much – You are like a parrot you never shut up. Give me a break. When you are constantly talking then nothing is important, I think you may have psychological issues when you have a constant need to exert your opinion when nobody asks you or cares what you think. 8. Talking too little - It’s like we have to pry information out of you. You are the opposite of a parrot. You are boring and no fun. Do you think I could read your mind? 9. Talking to the wrong people – You let people know your business who don’t have a need to know. They make take what you say and use it against you. You got a right to remain silent. Know when and how to exercise that right. 10. Telling their business – You talk too much sometimes you never shut up. Think first before engaging your mouth. Words are like a shot arrow, once gone they won’t come back. 11. Texting – You’ve seen it in the news, people get caught cheating and other problems because they put it in writing. Just as much as you want to put it in writing, there is someone who wants to show what you wrote. It can come back on you like a boomerang and bike you on your butt. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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12. Holding out – You are not in contract negotiations for a professional team. You are in a relationship or trying to get in one. Holding out may get you left out in the cold. 13. Holding back – This is different than holding out, here you are not living up to your potential. You are slacking. What you get, is what you give. If you’re doing a half assed job say when you are having sex for example, then that might be your last and only time. No one wants a lazy piece of ass not even a lazy person. 14. Trickery and Treachery – There are a lot of want to be slick people other there and it’s scary. It takes the same effort to build than to steal, but stealing pays better because it’s all profit. Look out for these types. Beware. 15. Lying - Don’t tell a lie when the truth will do. Why lie in the first place? Do you think the other person is dumber than you? Do you really think you are that smart or slick. You might get surprised in an ugly way. 16. Misleading - Misleading Women: Her profile says no kids, athletic and rolling in dough. The first date reveals four kids, four different baby fathers, an extended waistline and the dough she has comes from working at Dunkin’ Donuts. 17. Being late - Tardy Women: She arrives late, she no-shows, she changes plans lastminute, she loses his number, she flat-out just doesn't respect a guy's time. 18. Being Lazy – Not taking initiative. This is a relationship killer. It takes two not one to get things done. It builds resentment when one person does all the work and the other wants all the glory and benefits. Get off your butt and pitch in. Iron your clothes, clean your kitchen and take tout the trash. Throw yourself in the can while you’re at it. 19. Stealing, Cheating and other forms of Dishonesty – It’s all the same mentality, if I can trust you I don’t want to be around you. Don’t snoop around in my house or look through my wallet, pockets or cell phone. Are you a spy or informant? Do I look like I’m a person of interest in an on-going investigation? 20. Playing Games -"Maybe I'll kiss you goodnight, maybe I won't." Good Men like to know where they stand. They leave the game-playing for the sports field. 21. Insecurity - She reads into every comment a Man makes instead of listening to what he said, she tries to make something more out of it. There’s nothing to interpret, I said what I meant. She wants to know right away if we can hook up again tomorrow. She asks you to call the minute you get home. She is a potentially needy girlfriend lacking independence. 22. Getting in your business – Don’t ask me so many questions and try to give me advice and tell me how to run my thing. I’ve been doing this before I met you and have people to go to for answers. I did not ask for your advice so, please don’t impose yourself on me. My business is my business and I want to keep it that way.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

23. Grilling – Giving you the Third-Degree: The cross-examination begins before the menus arrive. Just like the movie, the questions are coming “Too fast and too furious”, and the Man begins to feel like the defendant on the stand in a criminal trial. 24. Getting in your face – Slow your role. I don’t need this kind of aggression and hostile behavior. I’m a lover not a fighter. I can hear you from over there and I think that you need to stand down and back off. You are invading my space. 25. Conceited People: "Any guy/woman would be lucky to have me." Guess what, the great guy /woman across the table is also a real catch. Maybe you should date yourself. Bonus 26. Talking Marriage too Early: He knocks over his drink into the salad when all of a sudden she busts out on what they should name their kids and it’s only the first date. Baby this is macaroni not matrimony. Get to know each other first. Maybe have sex first. Intense relationships can be exciting for a good Man, but walking down the aisle before you walk each other home for the first time is a turn-off.

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Yancy’s Matrixes of Women Below are a few matrixes that I find may come in handy. Women can usually fit into one of each category below and come up with a total matrix of the true Women. Try it for your self and see. Looks/ Sex Matrix Good Looks

Good Looks

Good Sex

Bad Sex

Bad Looks

Bad Looks

Good Sex

Bad Sex

Looks/Smarts Matrix

Cute

Cute

Smart

Stupid

Ugly

Ugly

Smart

Stupid

Butt/Breast Matrix a.k.a. Ass/Tits Matrix

Has Butt

Has Butt

Has Breast

No Breast

No Butt

No Butt

No Breast

Has Breast

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Weight/Money Matrix Slim

Slim

Bank

Broke

Fat

Fat

Bank

Broke

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

I don’t want to get carried away, but you can see the idea. Try one on your own below. Have some fun.

Title ____________________ Matrix

Title ____________________ Matrix

Title ____________________ Matrix

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INSTALLING WIFE Vista 1.0 for Windows Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend XP 5.0 to Wife Vista 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the fun and great sex applications, which operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0. In addition, Wife Vista 1.0 installed many other programs, such as Shopping 9.5, Headaches 6.5 and Nagging 6.0, and then uninstalled desirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0., MLB 4.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 runs longer, and House Work 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Aspirin 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate Husband Dear Desperate: First keep in mind, Girlfriend XP 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Wife Vista 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm and try to download Credit Cards 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Wife Vista 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Fun 2.0 and Great Sex 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Wife 1.0 to default to Grumpy B. 2.0, Hold Out 7.0, or Get Fat 6.1. Get Fat 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Smelly Lady Beta Version. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, which will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Girlfriend 5.0 or Mistress 2.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Wife 1.0. and you may need an Anti-Virus Application as well. In summary, Wife Vista 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited functionality, limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional utility software to improve functionality, memory and performance. We recommend Wine 2.0, Dine 3.0 and Lingerie 8.0. To improve your hardware performance we recommend Viagara 2.0, Cialis 1.0 or Levitra 3.0. Good Luck, Tech Support Return to Contents

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The Female Brain

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The Male Brain

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Marriage Thoughts “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? I don’t really know if I want to be married. If the right Woman comes along at the right time and I knew the right reasons to do it I probably would get married. I’ve been married once for over two years. I married the wrong person for the wrong reason. I’ve also had a live in relationship for almost three years. That relationship did not work out in the end. I think that I usually get tired after about three to four months. Then I like to move on. Relationships aren’t meant to last. They are only meant to be temporary. Most don’t work out. Just think about it. The root word “relation” means relative to something. That something is usually time or convenience. If I do get married, I would like to do it in the next two years. So I really don’t have a lot of time to waste. The type of woman I want to marry is not necessarily my dream woman or ideal woman, but it sure would be nice. I think that the person that I marry will provide 80% of either my happiness or headache. That’s why I have to be very selective about getting married. Marriage and happiness can’t occupy the same space. Just kidding. I believe that they can coexist but they are rare examples and I personally have not witnessed very many examples. I have seen many “happily single people”. I’m one. Just because I date someone does not mean that I want to marry her. There are women that I would love to date but would not think of marrying. I just can’t think of any right now. I would not marry a woman without dating her first. I read an article that said married people are healthier, happier, and live longer. I don’t necessarily agree with that. I think it only applies if the couples are happily married. The other study that I read was a compilation survey in Cosmopolitan Magazine. This survey compiled the results of many different surveys. The results stated that married people get less sex than single. When were single we try to get as much to get some to marry us. After marriage there are too many roles and responsibilities, and not enough time. After children are born, you can almost forget it. Is it worth it? For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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I have a few more comments on marriage that I want to share with you.

Appearance Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. Comprehension There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage. Definition of a Bachelor A man who missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable or have his life made miserable by a woman. General Equations & Statistics

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Longevity Married men live longer than single men but married men are a lot more willing to die. Memory Any married man should forget his mistakes as there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

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Propensity to Change

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. How to stop people from bugging you about getting married: Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. I think it’s a good thing as long as you are with the right person, at the right time, and for the right reason. In these days and times it’s better to be married despite all of the challenges that it comes with. Return to Contents

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Love, Lust and Marriage

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room. LOVE - When intercourse is called "making Love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about? LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything. LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax? LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks. LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you couldn't care less MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV. LOVE - When your farewell is "I Love you, darling..." LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..." MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief. LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner. LUST - When you only see each other naked. MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them. LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them. For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them. LOVE - When nobody else matters. LUST - When nobody else knows. MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel. LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it. MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio. LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about. LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about. MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought. LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner. LUST - When you're only interested in doing things to your partner. MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score. Love: When you take a bubble bath together Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together Marriage: When you give the kids a bath Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?" Marriage: 4 Happy Meals . . . to go Love: Giving your love some candy Lust: Thinking you are the candy Marriage: Scraping candy off the carpet Love: A night out at the Symphony Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice Love: Aroma -- French perfume Lust: Aroma -- Brut aftershave For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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Marriage: Aroma -- "The baby needs changing. . ." Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ." Marriage: Your teenager just took your jacket Love: Talking and cuddling Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . . Love: Long drives through the countryside Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat

Love: Sex every night Lust: Sex 5 times a night Marriage: Sex ???

Return to Contents

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Available Soon in eBook!

“Women by the Numbers”

“50 Different Types of Women that Men Know but Wish We Didn’t! 100 Plus Pages By Timothy “Yanz” Yancy, H.B.O. (Head Brother of Operations)

Exclusive Internet Only Special Now Only $5.00

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What the Critics are saying... “Sadatae. Coby down on the panty side. That’s my panny dee.” Pootie T. N.Y.C. “These are life lessons learned from another Ladies Man” Leon P. Chicago, Illinois. “A highly conceptual, thought provoking, hard-hitting look at African-American male and female relationships of which is expected to be a major publishing event.” T.R. Chicago, Illinois. "This is like a Man’s version of waiting to exhale." M. A. Chicago, Illinois. “Yanz is so money!”. NYC Players Club, NYC, N,Y. “A Drastic reality! His book is like a course in Contemporary Men’s Thinking 101. It’s the definitive What Men Want.” C. J. Detroit, Michigan. “Conventional wisdom and unconventional thought” J. P. Virginia Beach, Virginia. "This is a window to the heart and soul of today's urban man" M. J. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. "Yanz shares a deep and moving personal insight into the mind of today’s Men. He's so sensitive, deep, insightful, and crazy." C.B. Chicago, Illinois. “You share the joys and pain the ups and downs of what Men go through in relationships. Yanz, thanks a million" F. D. Los Angles, California. "Very provocative and funny. This book should be required reading"

M.S. Chicago, Illinois.

"It's about time someone had the courage to open themselves up and let the world know how a Man feels. I love you man." D. P. Las Vegas, Nevada. "You are destined to become the next as Michael Baisden, Adie Davis, Eric Jerome Dickey, E. Lynn Harris, Williams July II, Camika C. Spencer, Omar Tyree, and Franklin White, Terry McMillian, Tony Morrison, or Walter Mosley" Mom, Chicago, Illinois. "Outrageous! This book should be banned. Yanz is the Dr. Jack Korvorkian of relationships. He is one crazy mofo." M. V. Chicago, Illinois. "Buy yourself a copy, then buy one for your friends and family. It's a can't do without book" Yanz, Chicago, IL. Disclaimer: No celebrity endorsements intended or implied.

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Contents “Women by the Numbers” 50 Different Types of Women That Men Know but Wish We Didn’t! 1. B.A.P.S (Black American Princesses) 2. Bearillas 3. B.A.P. (Black American Princess) 4. Bearliia 5. Begging Ass Women 4. Broke Ass Women 5. Clueless Women 6. Complainers 7. Conscious One’s 8. Different Women 9. Difficult Sisters 10. Drama Queens 11. Evasive Women 12. Ewoks 13. Fuguly 14. Gigglers 15. Gold Digging Women 16. Hating Women 17. Hired Help 18. Homebodies 19. Indecisive Women 20. Know-it-All Women 21. Leprechauns 22. Lushes 23. Ms. Bad Attitude 24. Ms. Church Girl 25. Ms. Good Time 26. Ms. I Can’t Find a Good Brother Out There Sista 27. Ms. I’d Like to Sleep with you but… Women 28. Ms. Thang 29. Ms. Too Good To Be True For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules, secrets, stories, theories, thoughts, tips and more from A to Z visit me at:www.vbook.pub.com/Timm_Yanz_Yancy .

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30. My Babies Momma 31. Natural Women 32. Neurotic Women 33. Peddlers 34. Plain Jane Women 35. Poetic Justices 36. Psycho Women 37. Quiet Women 38. Self Important Women 39. Shoulda Woulda Coulda Women 40. Smokers 41. Something for Nothing Women 42. Stalkers 43. Straight Women with No Job 44. Talkers 45. TalkSingy Women 46. The "I Hadda" Women 47. Type A Women 48. WeMe Women 49. Whiners 50. Worriers

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Excerpts B.A.P.S (Black American Princesses) A.K.A. Stuck Up B*tch, Siddity

These Women prefer shopping to sex. They are always getting their hair or nails done. Other wise they can be found at the day spa. Advantages:

Well kept, and well maintained

Disadvantages: High maintenance. Lots of attitude. Bad sex, Excessive lip service, always complaining, selfish

Bearillas A.K.A. Coyote Ugly We’ve all seen them wandering around the neighborhood. They are big, ugly, and come in all sizes and colors but usually brown, black and polar bearillas. They look like a cross between a bear and a gorilla, thus we call them Bearillas. They are just like Yogi, always trying to get something for nothing . and they want you to feed them. The problem is once you feed them you can’t get rid of them! Advantages: I just throw them some change, a sandwich, raw meat, anything to keep them away. Disadvantages: They should be an endangered species and almost extinct, but somebody is having sex with them and having more Bearilla cubs.

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Begging Ass Women A.K.A. Begging Ass Women

She not praying she’s begging. I guess that praying can be a form of begging God. She always scheming trying to get something for nothing. She never has a dime. Their favorite phrase is “Can you help a sister out”. I’ll help her out of my damn car. That’s how I’ll help a sister out. Advantages: Her phone is cut off so she can’t call a brother. Disadvantage: Doesn’t have any money and won’t get any. Broke Ass Women (Also see Begging Ass Women, Tight Asses Women) A.K.A. Cheap Ass Women They don’t spend a dime, bring their lunch to work, don’t get their hair or nails done, and wear run over shoes. When gas pumps say $1.20 9/10 th they can get the 1/10th change back. If you put a lump of coal up her butt they could fart out a diamond. Her money is always balled up in her purse somewhere. Advantages: None Disadvantages: They are tight with everything including the poontang and it’s not that good. They say, “I just gave you some three weeks ago”, like it’s on rations. Getting some from them is like pulling teeth from a lion with your hands.

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Difficult Sisters A.K.A. Out of Control Women

They just don’t get it right. It’s always someone else that’s the cause of the problem, never her. Nothing’s ever right. Advantages: Above average sex. She needs to have her frustrations taken out and she has a lot of frustrations. Disadvantages: It’s not worth the hassle. Hating Women A.K.A. Mad Jealous Women

This Woman needs no explanation. She’s mad, she’s evil, and she’s coming to a neighborhood near you soon if she’s not already there. Some Man did her wrong and now all men are dogs. Men are good for nothing, a Man can’t do sh*t for her. She’s pissed off and mad at the world. Remember, jealousy is all the fun you think someone else is having. She’s listed twice because she is cross-categorical. This is not unusual.

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Advantages: None. Disadvantages: Stay out of her way. She’ll hurt you. She’s like an animal that’s been wounded but is still alive waiting to get the hunter before it dies. She’s the most dangerous Women out there. Know-it-All Women A.K.A. Know-it-Alls

Always have to be right. They have all the answers to the worlds problems, but their lives are f*cked up. You can’t tell them anything and then when something happens she asks why didn’t you tell her. It’s because you know everything. Advantages: She works, so you can borrow money from her and get head. Disadvantages: Having to put up with her mouth when she’s not giving you head. Ms. Thang Ex-High School Prom Queen A.K.A.- Fake Ass Halle Berry Wannbe

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“I could have been Michael Jordan’s wife if I wanted too.” Back in the day she had it going on. She went with the Captain of every team sport in high school and was the prom queen. Now, that’s all in her past because now she has a bunch of kids and big legs, big breast, big stomach and big everything else. Her best days have been over a long time ago but she’s still cute. Advantages: Has connections at all the local fast food restaurants and chicken shacks. Disadvantages: Still has a cute face and nice breastesis, but is now overweight from the breastesis down. She has t.b. (Two belley’s); she has a gut that will put a truck driver to shame, but still thinks she has it going on. Has five kids from five different daddies, all of them fake ass Michael Jordan’s wannabes. The “I Hadda” Women A.K.A. Broke Ass Mooch

“I hadda a Benz. I hadda a condo and I hadda a job!” Advantages: She treats you like a King, so that you will take care of her broke ass! Disadvantages: She’s broke as Hell!!!

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