Hooked On Porn: Free Yourself Today

By Robert Sherman Copyright © 2012 Robert Sherman

Table of Contents Disclaimer.............................................................................................................................................3 Introduction...........................................................................................................................................4 How to Tell If You Are Addicted to Porn..............................................................................................6 The Role of the Internet in Pornography...............................................................................................8 Negative Effects of Pornography Addiction........................................................................................11 Porn Addiction Affects Women...........................................................................................................14 How Pornography Affects Students....................................................................................................19 What Porn Addicts Think About Themselves.....................................................................................22 The Relation Between Porn and Sexual Addiction.............................................................................25 The Truth About Sex Addiction...........................................................................................................28 Four Tips for Quitting Pornography....................................................................................................31 Conclusion...........................................................................................................................................34

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Disclaimer This report is not designed to and does not provide medical advice. All content including text, graphics, images and information in this report are for general informational purposes only. The content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never disregard professional medical or mental health advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read in this report. Never rely on information in this report in place of professional medical or mental health advice. The authors and distributors of this report are not responsible for any advice, course of treatment, diagnosis or any other information, services, or products that you obtain through this report. You are encouraged to confer with your physician or mental health professional with regard to information contained in or obtained through this document. After reading material from this report you are encouraged to review the information carefully with your professional medical or mental health provider.

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Introduction It seems only a few decades ago that pornography was available in the drug store or magazine store. Girly magazines were kept behind the counter or in front of the counter with pieces of wood or opaque plastic in front hiding the images on the covers. Then came the Internet. Pornography jumped from the magazine store to hundreds and thousands of websites. Pornography became available with a few clicks of the mouse. With the advent of broadband, practical everyone can see men and women cavorting on the screen doing almost anything to pique our fancy. When we get tired of watching what's going on at one website we can switch to another. In the United States the Supreme Court place some limits on hardcore pornography when it violates community standarda. So far, very little has violated community standards. The only rela limitations we have on pornography is pornography involving children. Today, children begin watching Internet porn around age 11. Starting with curiousity about their developing sexuality some young people watch porn regularily. A survey indicated that 20% of male university students watch porn in their dorms nearly every day. What effects does porn have on society and on you as an individual? Porn is a significat factor in divorces. Porn affects basic attitudes toward sexual relations. Porn can become addicting and cause you to lose interest in your responsibilities and obligations.

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The porn industry uses sophisticated advertising to get you hooked on porn and then charges fees to access the more extreme forms of porn you will need when you become addicted. There is a lot to learn about how the pornograph industry operates and how it minupliates the millions of people watching porn on the Internet. This report is intended to help you understand the significance of porn in modern society. The material in this report is a small part of the content available on the Break Porn Addiction webiste.

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How to Tell If You Are Addicted to Porn The Internet has made porn readily available and porn addiction rampant in society. Porn is like cigarette smoking. If you smoke one cigarette a week you're a "casual user" but if you smoke every day you are definitely hooked. Watching porn daily programs the mind to use porn as a primary way to feel good. Many people in our fast paced, competitive, over crowded, "do more with less" society need a quick way to feel a little pleasure. Form many, porn is the easy, fast way to feel good. Add masturbation to porn and you're got a mixture that works every time. The neurons in your brain that "say" watch porn fire and then the neurons that say "I feel good" fire. Neurons that "fire together wire together." This forms a habit. In the case of porn it's a powerful habit, one that always works. If you are addicted to porn, if you have the powerful habit, you may find it's very difficult to stop it. In fact, you may need some help. This insightful video can help you understand if you are addicted to porn and what to do about it. Thank Others for Your Addiction The pornography industry has made it nearly impossible for a person NOT to encounter any pornography at some point or another. The porn industry is a multi-billion industry and they cater to people from all walks of society, whether regular Joe or full on porn addict. They make porn easily available to anyone with an Internet connection. Young children begin watching porn around age 11 as they become sexually aware. As they continue to watch, they become addicted and lose interest in school, friends, and household chores. Special programs and anti-porn camps have sprung up around the country to deal with 6

teens addicted to porn. Studies indicate that one in five college males watches porn nearly every day. While college students may be intelligent, they are burdened by many pressures and problems and need an easy way to feel good about themselves. Porn is the answer to many. It remains to be seen how difficult it will be for them to break away once they enter real society with its work and performance pressures. How to Tell If You Are Addicted to Porn But how do you determine whether you are watching a "regular" amount of pornography or whether it is something to be worried about? The definition of porn addiction is when the excessive use of pornography has begun to disrupt your life, including your personal relationships and occupation. Usually the porn addict develops a dependence on pornography that is so intense that he seeks several forms of it at even inopportune moments. A porn addict is likely to watch, read or think about pornography even at work, or while in the vicinity of friends and families. Oftentimes, pornography is used to replace sex with their partners or they begin to stop seeking out partners, preferring instead to indulge their sexual fantasies in pornography. Others may continue to seek out sexual relationships with others, but may have trouble performing sexually without pornographic stimulation. This is because they have become so accustomed to being aroused by some of the unusual fantasies in pornography, that normal sex no longer stimulates them. A porn addict with this type of problem is usually forced to involve himself in deviant sex acts to maintain arousal, but these deviances can become more and more intense, sometimes to the point of being unsavoury to their partners. If you can relate to any of these characteristics you are probably addicted to porn.

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The Role of the Internet in Pornography The role of the Internet in pornography has changed radically in the last few years. The availability of high speed Internet access has brought video porn right into your home. With a wireless modem and a laptop you can browse porn sites in bed, on your front porch, in the kitchen, or anywhere it's convenient. Most young people now have their own computer and Internet access. Around the age of 14, young people become aware of their sexuality. And, being naturally curious, they start seeking out porn sites. And, there are many available online without any checks for age. Porn is available for anyone. Pornography is one of those things that kids these days just grow up with. Before, pornography was not as easy for young people to enjoy. Just a few years ago a youngster had to sneak a Playboy, Penthouse, or other sexy magazine into the house to look at naked, cavorting women. Not so today. Just browse to a porn site and get your fill of any type of sexual activity you can imagine. It is also no secret these days that the Net is used for pornography on an astronomical scale! About 1 in 8 sites on the Internet are porn sites. The most accessed sites on the Internet are now porn sites. The reason for its prominence is clear. People want porn and more porn. Hooked on Internet Porn? With the ease by which you can view porn, getting hooked on it is not difficult at all. Imagine, with literally one click, all the sexual fantasies you can ever think of can be yours, even for a few minutes. Then you go on 8

the next site. And then to the next link. This addiction is something you can pick up quickly. Sadly, getting off the habit is a lot harder. Surveys indicate that 20% of male college students view porn nearly every day. Young people, often away from home for the first time, can indulge their curiosity to their hearts content. Then, watching porn becomes a routine daily event, sometimes to celebrate completing homework assignments. But, porn affects the brain just like other addictions. The surging neurotransmitters (dopamine and serotonin) intensify your desire for porn and provide a sense of pleasure while viewing porn. These porn highs rival the high you get from crack cocaine and last much longer. No wonder the addiction is so strong and difficult to break. Porn Addiction as an Adult Maybe, as kids, pornography addiction was something controllable. Sure, it took a lot of your time, but at it was not destructive like your situation is now. As a grown man, with his own life and probably even family, your are still addicted to watching porn and masturbating. This behavior is disappointing to anyone who knows about it. Pornography cannot be avoided, this is true. However, the decision to view it and enjoy your happy hour to the fullest probably does not coordinate well with your current responsibilities and priorities. Simply said, being addicted to porn is not cool. Addiction to pornography is difficult to admit and even harder to break. You probably know this already because you've tried to stop several times before. Get help by talking with a profession counselor or using an online program designed by specialists in helping people kick their porn addiction. You can watch this free video to help you break free from the role of the Internet in pornography so you can finally live the life you really want to. 9

Porn addiction is becoming much more serious simply because of the the role of the Internet in pornography. You can break this "habit.". But, you have to truly want to do this.

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Negative Effects of Pornography Addiction If you are addicted to pornography, you already know about the negative effects of pornography addiction. But, for those who don't know, here are the negative consequences of porn addiction. What are the Negative Effects of Pornography Addiction? Loss of Control First, pornography addiction is an addiction. That is obvious. But, what is life like with an addiction? We all like to think that we are in control of our own lives. But, we know that we depend on other people for many important things in life. The addict, on the other hand, has no illusion that he or she is in control. The addict has drives or urges to do things that are overwhelmingly strong. This is the result of dopamine and serotonin working on the brain. Dopamine creates the urge to seek pleasurable relief. The brain is "wired" or programmed to seek that relief through pornography. Viewing pornography allows serotonin to provide the needed pleasure and reduce the urges. The compulsion to turn on the computer to view more porn is almost irresistible. The pron addict will wake up in the middle of the night to watch porn. The addict will watch porn at work. The addict will do whatever it takes to watch more porn. The addict is not in control of his or her life.

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Life of Isolation Second, involvement with porn isolates the pornography addict from others. The pron addict tried to hide his or her addiction to pornography. They will pretend to be busy doing something else when they are actually watching porn. They will avoid friends and shirk their responsibilities to have another few minutes with their porn. A student will neglect studies and social activities to watch porn. An adult will spend as much time as possible with their porn, neglecting family responsibilities, straining relationships, and avoiding household duties. Pornography is a make-believe, fantasy life which the porn addict prefers. Because the porn addict get pleasure from the world of porn, he or she avoids contact with the real world as much as possible. This isolates them from the real world of other people, events, and problems. Warped View of Others Third, the porn addict can sometimes merge the fantasy world of porn with the real world, causing unnecessary conflicts. In the porn world, for instance, women are docile, submissive and wanting to satisfy the sexual needs of men. Pornography often depicts actions that can be extremely humiliating and disgraceful to women. Men can carry the attitudes about women from the porn world into the real world. But, in the real world women are independent human beings with their own goals and objectives, not always docile and submissive, bending to the will of men. This world view conflict can strain marital relationships, encourage sex crimes, and prevent natural relationships between men and women from forming. It can be particularly destructive to teenage boys and girls whose views about sexuality are just forming.

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Warped View of Sex Finally, pornography can drain away the meaning of love and replace it with sex. Love should be your expression of outgoing concern for another person. This involves selfsacrifice of your time, energy and wealth for the benefit of the one whom you "love." Pornography never portrays a life of self-sacrifice. Rather, it depicts the satisfaction of personal sexual urges by someone who is little more than a slave. This leads to warped views of sex and the relationships required for outgoing love and sex. In the porn world, any casual relationship is OK as long as it results is sexual gratification. In the real world, sex is the cement that binds a relationship that involves giving, cooperation and sacrifice. The porn addict cannot have a real relationship because sexual gratification comes from porn, and often masturbation, rather than a real relationship. This is a warped view of sex. Overcoming Pornography Addiction These and other negative effects of pornography addiction will not be overcome unless the porn addict recognizes their need for help. As long as the porn addict is satisfied to live in their make-believe, fantasy world of porn, they will continue to live an out of control, isolated life where their views of other people and sexual relations are warped and defective. Only when they recognize their need for help can they have any hope of returning in any permanent way to the real world of true relationships. If you are such a person seeking a way out of pornography, this free revealing video can show you how you can escape the negative effects of pornography addiction and return to the real world. You have nothing to lose except the make-believe fantasy world of porn.

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You know that today is the best day to put all the negative effects of pornography addiction behind you and start life fresh in the real world. Today can be the best day of your life. Take hold of this opportunity and become free of your addicting behaviors.

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Porn Addiction Affects Women Porn addiction affects women in three ways. Unless, as a woman, you understand how porn can hurt you will stand a good chance of experiencing dramatic pain in your life. Women are Becoming Increasingly Addicted to Pornography In 2006, a survey performed by Internet Filter Review showed that 17% of women battle porn addiction. Around 9.4 million women look at porn sites each month. And, a full third of all visitors to porn sites are women. The Internet has made it just as easy for women to look at pornography as for men. The playing field is level. While many think that men are the only consumers of pornography, this is rapidly changing. As women become more exposed to the Internet, smartphones, even online gaming, they are also exposed to sexually explicit web sites. Women's sexual excitement that used to be relegated to romance novels has blossomed in our technical age to the Internet. Women no longer need to go to the bookstore to satisfy their romantic inclinations. Excitement is only a few clicks of the mouse away. The ability of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin to affect behavior is equally strong in women and men. Once your brain become wired to connect online sex sites with pleasure and enjoyment a flood of dopamine creates an urge to get online and serotonin provides the satisfaction and reduces the urge. Men and women become addicted to pornography in exactly the same way. While some women think that watching porn is helping them in real life, just the 15

opposite is true. Jill Manning Ph.D. indicated that "one of the cruelest and most distorting messages that the pornography industry gives people of all ages is that pornography will aid them in becoming sexually competent, sexually aware, and be better able to relate to a partner. I could not disagree with that more because I see the opposite occurring in the lives of those I see in my office. Someone who is involved in pornography for a long period of time, they literally become handicapped in there ability to relate on an emotion, spiritual, and physical level with someone of the opposite sex." The pull to watch porn is causing women, just like men, to become isolated from society, lose interest in normal social and family relationships, and spend more and more time with on sexual explicit sites. This is great for the porn industry, but not so good for those whose addiction is becoming stronger. Free porn on the Internet is readily available. But, it is only a hook to get you to want richer, more involved pornography where you are funneled into the paid subscription services. The porn industry knows what it is doing. In fact, many Internet marketers study how the porn industry operates in order to apply their techniques to their own marketing efforts. Quit Porn Addiction, a major counseling service in the United Kingdom, finds that a third of the people seeking help for their dependence are women. This is a jump from almost no women just two years ago. As the porn industry finds ways to better target women the gender barriers are falling and women are falling prey to pornography just like men. Women are Affected by the Addiction of Male Partners But, women are also affected when their male partners are addicted to porn. While women may ignore their partner's dependence on sexually explicit sites for a while, the consequences eventually become readily apparent. The man may ask that you wear specific things in the bedroom, or request that you say 16

things or do things that are not really "you." You may initially think that this will add a spark to your love life. But, eventually you will realize that he is simply acting out porn scenes he has watched with you as his real life "porn queen." When the truth finally hits you and you come to the realization that he was really making love to the visual image he had in his mind instead of you as a real living person. you can be deeply hurt. You may feel that he was really cheating on you while he was in bed with you, all the while visualizing his fantasy image of what he saw on the Internet. Unless you think things through, you may believe you are simply not good enough to be with as a real human being. But, just because his brain is cooked and he can no longer understand the difference between masturbating to porn and having a real sexual encounter with you, it doesn't mean you are worthless. It simply means that he has really been cheating on you, if only in his mind. You might then recall what you were taught in Sunday school when Jesus said that "whoever looks with lust at a woman has already committed adultery in his heart." Gail Dines, professor of sociology and women's studies and chair of the American studies department at Wheelock College in Boston, is the author of Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality. She says, "I have found that the earlier men use porn the more likely they are to have trouble developing close, intimate relationships with real women." She goes on to say that these men "are bewildered, even angry, when real women don't want or enjoy porn sex." The use of online porn is widespread among males. Studies indicate that 20% of male university students watch porn nearly every day. Nearly half of the men at a recent Christian Promise Keepers conference admitted to watching porn in the week before attending the conference. It's going to be hard for a women to find a man who has not been negatively affected by online sex sites. Unfortunately, nagging someone to quit porn is like nagging someone to stop smoking. 17

It simply doesn't work. Your only hope, as a women, is for your male partner to want to quit on his own. He has to step up to the problem, come to realize that his dependence is hurting him and he must make a commitment to quit. Porn Affects Women in the Industry If you have ever watched porn you know that the actors in a porn flick are simply acting their parts. Real women don't act that way. The roles women play in sex videos play right into the fantasy lives of men, not into the romantic hopes of women. And, when you start talking about more hardcore porn, you are creating roles for women that are far beyond anything most women want in the bedroom. As the sex becomes more violent and extreme, women actresses are increasingly degraded and treated as animals on camera. The on screen actresses are often from broken homes, shown little if any love in the family setting, been sexually abused by family members, are runaways or have even been thrown out of home and left to make a way in life for themselves. They are often psychologically damaged and are looking for love from anywhere they can find it. And the sex industry takes them in and provides them with money for their performance and makes them big stars at porn conventions. This is sometimes the first recognition they have ever received. Women who have come out of the porn industry often have sad tales to tell. Shelley Lubben, for example, talks about her broken home, how she was thrown out of home and found by a porn producer. She stared in many videos but tells that the women often have to use alcohol or drugs to get through their scenes. Many actresses supplement their porn income with money from escort services which is a sophisticated name for prostitution. The life of a porn actress is not as glamorous as some portray and can be dangerous. Although there is STD testing, most of the on screen sex occurs without the protection 18

of condoms. Shelly indicates that "80% [of men and women] admit to catching an STD while working in the California pornography industry." Porn Addiction Affects Women If you are a woman hoping for a good relationship with the man of your dreams, make sure any man you find is living in the real world and not in the world of porn. It take time to get to really know someone, but in this day and age it is essential. You need to understand how porn addiction affects women and understand how to break free from porn addiction. It can make your life a lot better to be free.

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How Pornography Affects Students How pornography affects students has not been studied extensively because of legal and ethical limitation that prevent exposing under age youngsters to pornographic material to note their reactions. Controlled experiments in this area are almost impossible. To learn how pornography affects students most research is conducted via interviews and questionnaires. While the data relies on honest responses to questions, the worldwide scope of these investigations can lend credibility to the results. Since pornography is almost ubiquitous, there is hardly any limit to accessing it electronically anywhere the Internet or smart phones exist. Every day billions of web pages are viewed by people around the world. While estimates vary, somewhere between 4% and 12% of all web pages are pornographic in nature. Emails, instant messages, and sexting additionally can communicate pornographic messages or ads for pornographic sites. Sexting is the sending of explicit messages or picture over smart phone. Children as well as adults find their email boxes accumulate ads for sexual enhancing products. Sex sells. And, it apparently sells well on the Internet. So, here are some results of studies that have investigated how pornography affects students. How Pornography Affects Students One survey of 400 students from 14 to 17 in the south of England revealed that the average teen watches 90 minutes of porn each week. Porn is easily available at Internet porn sites, on smart phones, and via shared media on peer to peer sites.

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An American study about accidental exposure to pornography found that 6% of young boys and 35% of young girls indicated they were distressed at the incident. Other children are often concerned, on the other hand, at the possible reactions of their parents if they found out. Another study found that frequent exposure to sexual content among youths produces both greater knowledge of sex as well as more liberal attitudes toward sex. They are more accepting of premarital, extramarital, non-marital sexual relations as well as recreational sex in general. A Swedish study found that 15 to 18 year olds who watched pornography were more likely to feel less shame about masturbating and were more accepting of prostitution and having sex without love. Another study of African-American females associated watching X-rated movies with having frequent sexual encounters, having sex with multiple partners, and having STDs. Older students in college and away from home for the first time have new freedom to view porn. College dorms typically offer broadband Internet and many students take advantage of it to watch porn. One study indicated that 20% of male college students view porn sites nearly every day. While porn comes in many varieties, most of it is non-violent porn involving consensual sex. Studies have shown that violent porn increases attitudes of acceptance for rape and reduces empathy for victims of rape and other sexual violence. Men who watch lots of porn, especially hardcore, violent or rape porn, indicate they would rape or sexually harass a women if they thought they could get away with it. A Canadian study of youths averaging 14 years of age found that frequent viewing of porn was related to an attitude that it was acceptable to hold a girl down and forcibly 21

have sex with her. A US study with boys of the same age group found that frequent watching of R- and X-rated movies correlated well with sexual harassment and forcible sex. Are Your Students Affected by Pornography Addiction? Young people as well as adults can become hooked on pornography. The brain associates pleasure with watching pornography and masturbating. The connections in the brain between porn and pleasure become "wired" together and watching porn becomes more than a habit. It becomes an urge that is hard to resist. Young people can become so attached to this fantasy world of pornography that they lose interest in the external real world. They may slack off on their studies and their grades may suffer. They may isolate themselves from their friends and lose interest in sports and other social functions in the school. If you are a teacher or parent of a young student, you may notice these and other changes. When you do, you should investigate the reason for these changes. If they are caused by dependence on pornography there are steps you can take to help this young person. A number of programs have been developed by mental health professionals to help young people come out of their make-believe porn world. In addition, anti-porn camps are springing up all across the country to help pre-teens and teens recover from porn addiction. Exposure to pornography can have significant lasting effects on young people. As parents and teachers, you should know how pornography affects students so you can help them at the first signs of trouble.

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What Porn Addicts Think About Themselves What porn addicts think about themselves is important to know. If you are a porn addict or know a porn addict you can help reshape their self-image and help them finally leave the life of porn. Whether you are a porn addict or not, how you think about yourself will shape your future. Someone once said that "You are where you are, you are what you are because of the thoughts that have gone into your mind. You can change what you are, you can change where you are by changing the thoughts that go into you mind." So, it's important to understand what thoughts have gone into the mind of a porn addict. And, it's more important to help the porn addict by helping them put new, more effective thoughts into their mind. People who suffer from porn addiction understand that porn has become too big a part of their life. It too often interferes with their domestic, social, and occupational responsibilities. And, further, the porn addict has tried to break away from porn but the pulls and urges are too strong. While the "Bible" of the mental heal professions, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association does not specifically include porn addiction as a specific instance of addiction, it is recognized as a form of mental addiction. And, anyone who is addicted to porn knows they are hooked. What Porn Addicts Think About Themselves A pioneer in sex addiction research named Dr. Patrick Carnes, was able to come up with the 4 core beliefs that are common in sex addicts. You can relate these well to porn addicts: 1. I am a bad person with deep feelings of low self worth. 23

2. I am not deserving of love and nobody would love me as I am. 3. I never get my needs met if I have to depend on other people. 4. Sex is my most important need. These beliefs are often imbedded in the mind from early childhood. A young child who is abused, rejected, or lonely often attributes the rejection to himself or herself, thinking that they are simple a bad person worthy only of rejection. Nobody from their family seems to love them and nobody is there to nurture and encourage them. Soon the child finds solace in masturbation. This is the only enjoyment they receive and they can get that enjoyment by themselves at any time. As the child grows and finds new resources, he or she eventually discovers pornography. The Internet makes porn easily available to practically anyone. Watching porn allows them to imagine that someone loves them and enjoys their company. They come to enjoy and depend on this fantasy world for their enjoyment. Porn plus masturbation becomes an important part of life. They feel drawn to this make believe world whenever they feel rejection or become lonely. These thoughts of low self-esteem and their need for sex become part of their core beliefs and can last a lifetime. As an adult, the person does not even remember what went on in early childhood. But, the evaluation of themselves as a person are stored and serve as a basis of their thinking and behavior. Changing What Porn Addicts Think About Themselves Changing the core beliefs of porn addicts can take time. The brain needs to be reporgrammed so new thoughts can change a poor self-image into a more positive one. A number of techniques or programs are available to help in this area. Therapy using age regression during hypnosis has been helpful in reformulating beliefs 24

rooted in childhood. Here the adult porn addict would be regressed to early childhood where he or she first felt rejected. The adult porn addict can them communicate with his child saying that he or she really is loved and is a valuable, worthwhile person with a lot of potential. Upon awakening from hypnosis the adult often has that new belief about their self-worth. Once the core values of the porn addict are modified, real progress can come in changing the behaviors for the better. Porn addiction can be overcome. And you can do it. What porn addicts think about themselves is not set on concrete. It can be changed so new thoughts and new behavior patters can make the former porn addict more productive and successful.

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The Relation Between Porn and Sexual Addiction Sexual addiction typically means a repeated pattern of sexual conquests involving lowered sexual inhibitions resulting in serial infidelity, promiscuity, casual sex with multiple sexual partners and other compulsive, obsessive sexual acts with others. Pornography addiction, on the other hand, primarily involves sexual stimulation through images whether still (photos) or active (videos). Pornography use is normally an involvement in a fantasy world carried out in a private setting, secluded from others and often results in masturbation. Both sexual addiction and pornography addiction involve the brain reward circuitry that provides enjoyment or pleasure through behavioral conditioning. These behaviors are often signs of escapism, attempting to counter low self-esteem and too often result in selfdestructive behavior. Both sexual addiction and porn addiction have certain characteristics in common: Repeated attempts to resist urges or impulses Lack of control in stopping the activities Engaging in the activities for a longer time frame than initially intended Engaging in these activities to such an extent that domestic, social, academic, occupational or other responsibilities suffer • Experiencing distress, anxiety or expressing anger when not able to engage in the activities • • • •

People who are addicted to sex or porn may become insensitized over time and will require more intense experiences to achieve satisfaction as the addiction progresses. For sex addicts this may results in bizarre or violent sex acts, often distressing the sex partners. For porn addicts this may result in watching more bizarre or violent porn, often 26

requiring hefty subscription fees. The important consideration for anyone who may be addicted to sex or porn is that the addiction causes problems in meeting daily responsibilities. While sex, and some would say porn, is a normal part of life, taken to excess it can disrupt daily routines and create compulsions that push normal life activities into the background. This is where family, friends and employers start to notice that something is wrong. Neither sex addicts or pornography addicts can have a normal life. These addictions push spouse and children away and cause disharmony in the home. They can cause problems in the workplace and may result in loss of a job. The results are simply not good for either the addicted person or for those close by. While some think that these addictions are simply sins that can be overcome and never engaged in again, others think that the habits and desires will always be with anyone who become addicted. Most mental health professionals indicate that people who once where addicted will never be completely cured, but can be in a state of recovery, even with temporary relapses. Therapy for those dependent on sex or porn can include support groups similar to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), many with a similar 12 step program. Sexual addicts can find groups such as Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous, Sexual Compulsives Anonymous or Sexual Recovery Anonymous. Porn addicts can find groups such as Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous or Porn Addicts Anonymous. Further, mental health experts can treat these disorders. Some are experts in treating sexual addiction while others specialize in pornography addition. In addiction to one-onone therapy or group therapy with a mental health expert, several experts have prepared programs that are available online. The online programs are developed by experts and provide help for those who cannot travel to meet with the experts on a regular schedule.

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Both pornography and sexual addiction stem from how the mind is wired to provide happiness and pleasure. When this wiring starts causing problems it will take effort to reprogram and rewire the mind. But, help is available and you can overcome both sexual addiction and porn addiction.

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The Truth About Sex Addiction Sex addiction is a hyper-sexuality where you have frequent sexual urges or sexual activities. Some estimate that 3 to 6 percent of the population may by "hyper" when it comes to sex. Having said that, the condition is still not well defined. And, the American Psychiatric Association has not included "sex addiction" in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) as a separate disorder. The DSM does, however include a section on "Sexual Disorder Not Otherwise Specified" that is a catch-all for a variety of conditions. On the world scene, the International Classification of Diseases compiled by the World Health Organization does list "Excessive Sexual Drive" as well as "Excessive Masturbation" as classifications of diseases and conditions. On the other hand, some people believe hyper-sexuality is not a disorder at all. Rather the term is used to label or classify certain behaviors that society considers unacceptable or out of the acceptable norm. What Causes Sex Addiction? The lack of clear causes is one of the reasons the American Psychiatric Association has declined to include sex addiction or hyper-sexuality as a specific disorder in the DSM. There are a number of ideas about the causes, but there is no clear-cut, definitive cause. Some hyper-sexuality is thought to be caused by: • • • •

Bipolar disorders Obsessive-compulsive disorder Dementia Premenstrual changes 29

• Injuries to the frontal lobe of the brain that helps regulate behavior • Alcohol or other drugs that reduce social and sexual inhibitions • Lack of self-esteem The implications of such a list are profound. Most important is that because there can be a variety of causes, the treatments must be tailored to the specific cause. Sex addiction is not a condition that can be addressed by a universal "cure." You must investigate each instance to determine the probably underlying factors that are causing the excessive sexual urges or activities. For example, trying to improve someone's selfesteem would not be the optimal course of action when treating someone whose frontal lobe has been injured in an accident. Only by isolating a cause, or at least by eliminating potential causes, can you properly treat hyper-sexuality effectively. Ways Sex Addiction is Exhibited There are certain ways that people who are addicted to sex act out that are not common in the general population. These behavior patterns can help identify people with excessive sexual urges or excessive sexual activity. • Frequent sex with a variety of partners This often involves casual, one time, sex with one or more partners. • Excessive masturbation The urges to masturbate come frequently, often in public places where it is inconvenient to masturbate. • Pornography While magazines, movies, and paperback romance novels are always popular, the sex industry is placing heavy emphasis on sexual explicit Internet sites. After a person has become hooked on the free sites, more intense and violent sex is available only on paid subscription sites. 30

• Cypersex This is where two or more people connect via the Internet usually in Internet chat rooms, IM (instant messaging), web cams, Skype, and games to send one another explicit sexual messages with the intent to arouse sexual urges. • Telephone sex This involves sexual explicit conversations in which, typically, a phone actor or "fantasy artist" attempts to get the other party to masturbate. • Strip clubs These are adult entertainment clubs where performers do striptease and exotic dance. Many strip clubs have "VIP" rooms where more erotic "dances" take place. Customers can often arrange with the dancers for an after work rendezvous. Of course you've heard the expression that "sex sells." So, it's no surprise that many of these ways of expressing sex addiction have been commercialized. The pornography industry itself takes in anywhere from 9 to 15 billion dollars a year. And, once you've been engaged in one or more of these activities for some time, it's difficult to stop. It can eat up a lot of your time and money. Acting on your sexual urges with others can give you STDs that affect your life from then on. These characteristics (difficult to stop and being harmful) are part of the definition of an addiction. And, that's the truth about sex addiction.

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Four Tips for Quitting Pornography Four tips for quitting pornography can help you avoid becoming addicted or help you lose your addiction. You will be able to remain free of the compulsion to view porn hour after hour and can regain a normal view of women and restore normal relationships. For anyone who has viewed pornographic material over an extended period of time, quitting this activity will be difficult. Transforming your habits in this area will take time. You will occasionally have relapses, but stick to your plan and you will succeed. But, by following these steps, you can succeed in quitting pornography for good. Tip 1: Establish Core Values and Goals Recognize that sex and the desire for sex is normal. It's part of life. Men, especially, want to see a beautiful woman and want to engage her in a sexual relationship. A woman also wants to have relations with the man she is attracted to. Normal sex involves a man and a woman. Isn't that obvious to anyone? That's how human beings were made. And, sex should be a part of a long term marriage relationship. Pornographic materials, however, help distort our views of sex and makes sex purely a matter of sensual gratification. Pornography leave a mutual bonding in love out in the cold. So, you need to accept that your desires are natural, but you should understand that your desires need to be controlled and directed in the proper ways, in a marriage between a man and a woman. This view should be accepted as a core value. You should always act to satisfy your core values. 32

Establish more core values, like honesty, integrity, perseverance, what you stand for as a person. Then establish short term and long term goals that help you move toward your core values. Tip 2: Be Determined to Act From Your Core Values If you want something, you must be determined to work for it. You will feel better after achieving something you've worked hard for than you would receiving a gift freely given. You will have a sense of accomplishment when your hard efforts have paid off. Work daily on your goals that help move you closer to your core values. Small achievements are vitally important. Working from your core values on your short term goals rewires your brain to create a sense of fulfillment and enjoyment when you achieve a goal. The more enjoyment you get from activities other than porn, the less dependent on pornographic materials you will be. Tip 3: Associate With People Who Share Your Core Values People who share your core values will encourage you and act as mentors to help you reach your goals. As you see others reach goals similar to your own you will recognize that you too can reach your goals. And, you may engage in a little competition to see who can reach a particular goal first. This also means that you should stop associating with people who watch or read pornographic materials. You are changing your outlook on life, doing positive things to accomplish valuable goals. Do not drag your mind and thoughts back through the mud and mire of pornography. You are a different person now. Tip 4: Pick Yourself Up When You Fall 33

Everyone slips up now and then. Do not think you are a failure if you are not perfect. They say Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times to create a light bulb before he found the right combination. It's the ability to keep going that accomplishes the goal. Too many people expect everything to be easy. And, that's the reason so few are successful. You can be successful if you get back on your feet after being knocked down. So, even if you go back to pornography for a time, simply move forward and act from your values and work to achieve your goals. These four tips for quitting pornography can do wonders for you. You can move from the dark place you are now into the light of positive accomplishment and joy at having achieved your goals. Be determined. You can succeed.

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Conclusion Addiction to porn is an unpleasant addiction to have. It can cost you much more than your time. It can cost you relationships, money, even your job. But, it is an addiction you can conquer and overcome. Millions of people have found freedom from porn, and you can too. Unfortunately, many millions more are turning to porn out of curiousity and are being lulled into a deepening interest and finally addiction. You are certainly not alone. Our site, http://breakpornaddiction.com has numberous resources that can help you battle and overcome your addiction to pornography. But, you must take the initiative and make that happen. Breaking your porn addiction won't happen overnight nor will it always be easy. The pull to return to porn will be strong. But, the techniques we discuss on our site can help you win the battle. Best wishes for success, Bob Sherman

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