Submissive Women

”How to Find and Train Submissive Women” by Master Rod © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved - ABP

Disclaimer: This guide is being published for informational and entertainment purposes only. Always exercise due diligence when meeting strangers. Laws and practices often vary from state to state and are subject to change. Because each factual situation is different, specific advice should be tailored to the particular circumstances. For this reason, the reader is advised to consult with his or her own advisor regarding that individual’s specific situation. Always exercise due diligence before meeting others. The author has taken reasonable precautions in the preparation of this book and believes the facts presented in the book are accurate as of the date it was written. However, neither the author nor the publisher assume any responsibility for any errors or omission. The author and publisher specifically disclaim any liability resulting from the use or application of the information contained in this book, and the information is not intended to serve as legal advices related to individual situations.

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Submissive Women – How to Find and Train Them Section 1. Finding Submissive Women

Finding Submissive Women Online If you sniff around the web you’ll no doubt find hundreds of dating type sites that promise to help you find kinky women. Here’s a sad fact – with rare exceptions most are complete rip-offs. Sure many of these sites do offer what they call free memberships. But if you take them up on their offer you’ll soon discover that there are many hidden fees lurking deep inside the sites. You’ll no doubt find that a fee is required if you want to have the capability of sending and receiving email messages. Then you may discover that the number of emails you can send is limited – until you upgrade your membership by – you guessed it – paying another fee. If you want your profile to appear in a flashy colored box, that will cost you even more. If you want your profile to appear at the top of the list the ladies see when they do a search, there will be another fee. If you want to be notified when new female members sign up, that’s yet another fee.

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You get the idea. Their goal is plain to see, it’s profits, profits, and more profits. Often these sites buy into general dating web sites and get access to their member databases. Then they advertise that they, and they alone, have the largest database of kinky women eager to meet men. They may say they have 10,000 members but what they don’t tell you is that those members are not submissive women. Then they do what they do best – take your money. With these guys that’s all you can rely upon. When you fork over an arm and a leg you discover that their member database is a bunch of church ladies who are looking for “bible believing” men and hate any mention of kinky sex. Good luck trying to get your money back!

Alt.com and Collarspace.com Based on over a decade of experience, I’ve found that the two sites that submissive women use the most are collarspace.com and alt.com. Of the two collarspace.com is by far the best because it’s free (at least at the time this was written) and is the most popular with submissive women. You will no doubt enjoy the fact that collarspace.com is free and so will submissive women. If you go to collarspace.com and look around the discussion boards you’ll you find plenty of entries from submissive women; which shows you how popular the site is with that group.

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Signing Up Go ahead and create a profile for yourself but be careful to say things that will encourage trust in readers. When you click off your preferred activities from the lists they provide, keep everything low key. Do not indicate any interest in anything that’s too kinky or far out. In your profile be sure to boast that you will always respect a sub’s limits. In your profile be sure you push your strengths. If you’re slender, by all means mention that. If you’re muscular, women will no doubt find that attractive. If you don’t smoke throw that in too. If you’re tall be sure to list that. And if you’re well hung – you’d be a fool to not mention it. If you’re IQ is above average don’t forget to mention that also. Avoid mentioning any shortcomings. Use a screen name that isn’t threatening. If you upload a pic of yourself you’ll get a lot more action so post one if you have it. If you don’t, find a personal snapshot and have it scanned. Your local Kinkos will be glad to scan it for you for a few bucks if you don’t have access to a scanner. The pic you use shouldn’t be too friendly or make you look less than dominant but don’t use a dark pic that is too threatening or nasty in tone. When you’ve got your profile up and your pic posted, it’s time to do a search and look around. The site reports back to the ladies when you view their profile so the more searching and looking you do – the more ladies will know about it. This will begin to get you on their radar. A new profile should attract some attention and if you have a pic that should help but the real action comes when you post the right kind of comments on the site’s boards. Spend some time reading around the boards to get the feel of them. Then post a note that includes something about a submissive woman’s submission being a gift that you very much appreciate. Submissive women eat that up. It really rings a bell with them.

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After that when a woman visits your profile she’ll see a link to your board comments where she can review your entries. If she likes what you have to say, the odds of her sending you an introductory message increase dramatically. Since collarspace.com is free, you can run several ads either to help boost your response rate or you can use several different ads to target different kinds of women with different type of interests.

Alt.com Alt.com is the second busy site where you can find submissive women but there’s a catch, actually two catches. First is the cost. Alt.com is a commercial site that charges for every kind of service unlike collarspace.com which is supported entirely by advertising. Second, alt.com monitors your email within their system. This really sucks. They have very restrictive policies like the one that requires you to send and receive three emails with a submissive woman before you’re allowed to send them any kind of outside email address or chat ID. If you attempt to send a lady your outside email, you can expect that the moderator will delete your message and send your addressee a note that the message was destroyed which will make you look a bit foolish in the lady’s eyes. I spent a year on alt.com and while I did meet some wonderful sexy women, I spent over two hundred dollars and never did get past the outside email restriction. It’s painfully obvious that the people who run alt.com want to keep you communicating inside their system so they can bleed you for more and more and more money. They use the excuse that they are preventing women from meeting problem doms to screen all emails to avoid members from exchanging chat or email addresses that would allow them to escape the alt.com site. In total I spent over $300 during my year on alt.com. Even after I paid for a new membership I was constantly harangued to spend more and more. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP -5Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

Finding Submissive Women Through the Back Door If you advertise that you’re looking for submissive women, you’ll no doubt meet some but there’s another easier way to find and contact more submissive women. It’s simple - stop using the word submissive. If you ask them you’ll find that many if not most women enjoy being spanked. But if you ask the same number of women if they’re submissive, you’ll get far fewer volunteers. This is because spanking is viewed more positively than submissiveness. So when you run an ad online simply ask: Have you been a bad girl? Experienced spanker seeks spankee. If you enjoy getting a “good” spanking, I’m your man. Your pic gets mine. This kind of ad will, in my experience, get many more responses than any kind of dominant/submissive ad. I’ve yet to meet a woman who enjoys being spanked who wasn’t also submissive. So seeking out spanking enthusiasts will get you a steady flow of submissive women. Neat eh?

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Another Back Door to Meeting Submissive Women I’ve had great luck using a general dating site to locate submissive women. Plentyoffish.com is a free dating site that happens to be the largest dating site online. If you check, you’ll find that there are often as many as 65,000 members online searching through the site on any given evening. Though this site is intended for a general audience and the majority of women there are not looking for sexual relationships, there are submissive women on this site and if you use the tactics below I’m sure you’ll find more than a few. First I created a free profile on plentyoffish.com and described myself as a “sensual dominant” that was looking for an “eager to serve submissive”. I also ran a second different profile with a different pic but this time I stayed away from the word “submissive” and instead described myself as “assertive”. I know it sounds like a slight difference, but believe me it got me some additional inquiries from a second group of submissive women. When you have your profile(s) set, it’s time to send out some emails to women you find attractive. Use the search function to locate women you like. Then send each one an email note.

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The first paragraph should refer to something specific in their site. The rest of the email should say something like: “You’re a very attractive lady. I was wondering if you might be a submissive woman. I’m rather dominant so naturally that’s the kind women I’m searching for. If you’re in fact submissive, please get in touch so we can arrange a phone conversation. But if I’m not your cup of tea, I wish you all the best. =- Domguy” I created this text in a word processor and cut and pasted the text into each email message which allowed me to send out dozens of such messages each night. In my experience (and this may vary widely depending on the kind of women who live in your local area) around one in ten women are submissive, willing to openly admit it and eager to meet a dominant man who can help them explore their submissive fantasies. One hitch here. You may get some less than friendly notes back accusing you of being a pervert or worse. Pay no attention. And also – ignore those women who send back a note asking “what do you mean by submissive?” They just don’t get it and never will so don’t waste your time trying to educate them. They aren’t submissive and never will be. There is yet another way to use plentyoffish.com to find submissive women. If you create a profile that says that you’re looking for an old-fashioned, HOH (Head of Household) or taken-in-hand long term relationship, you’ll no doubt get responses from women who are (whether they want to admit it or not) in fact – submissive. There is also a keyword search function built into the search function on plentyoffish.com which can be used to find women who are openly searching for a dominant man. Just do a search on “submissive”. Though you won’t get a lot of profiles, you may get one or two. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP -8Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

The advanced search function also has several search categories that should be of interest to any man searching for submissive women. First you have the “Intimate Encounters” category which are the women seeking sexual meetings. Some of them will always be submissive. Then you have the “Other Relationship” category which is a catch-all category where you’ll find all sorts of unusual offers, many of them sexual in nature. Even if you don’t find any submissive women you’ll see some interesting offers. Also you have “Hang Out” which is yet another category where you may find submissive women. You can also search by “Interest”. So enter “sex” in the interest box and do a search. You’ll no doubt find a few women who are sexually oriented. I found 14 women the last time I ran this particular search. Also keep it in mind that on Plentyoffish.com women can select you as their “favorite” so take a look at which women have listed you as their favorite. Many of these women are desperate, ugly women no one wants but occasionally you do find a diamond in what is usually a junkyard.

Your Own Personal Dominant Web Site If you launch a web site and post on it an article about submissive women that’s understanding in it’s tone, you can expect some submissive women to respond if you include an email address at the bottom of your article. How about an article thanking submissive women for the “gift” of their submission? If you claim dominant experience in the article, you’ll no doubt get more responses from submissive women. The email address should include either “dom” or “master”. If you can include the word “submission” in your URL preferably right at the start of the URL. This will help you get a higher and more prominent listing in Google and other search engines.

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Email Step One Get an anonymous email address at gmail or yahoo. This new virgin email address is not to be used for any other purpose. In this way you support your anonymity and this tactic also avoids having subs being able to Google your email address and collecting information on you and your personal habits. Never give a sub your main ISP email address. Not only can it be used to identify you, but it will also provide them with a host of information from Internet sources. You’ll use this clean new email address when you sign up on collarspace.com and alt.com.

Useful Talking Points When you meet with a new submissive prospect the first time there are subjects you’ll want to carefully avoid. Never: Discuss creepy things like child molestation or bestiality Reveal any legal problems you’ve had in the past Talk about any extreme sexual adventures you’ve had Bad-mouth your ex, even if she was the bitch from Hell Reveal financial problems or career difficulties Reveal any sexual transmitted diseases you’ve had Discuss any current or past health problems Talk about religion or politics

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Always say that: You love and respect women You enjoy spending time with your mother/sister You’re not into anything extreme (Even if you are) A submissive woman’s submission is a wonderful gift You always practice safe sex You’re obsessed with cleanliness You’ve had dominant experience (Even if you haven’t) You’re not promiscuous (Even if you are) You insist a sub uses a safe word (More on that later) You’re not at all violent by nature If she asks which dominant activities you prefer – talk about spanking as it’s a safe dominant activity that offends no one. Be sure to use the word sensual in conversation or in your online ads as subs love a “sensual dominant”. If she brings up the subject of an extreme activity such as scat, urine, needles, knife play answer her question with another question. “What do YOU think of that activity?” (Politicians use this ploy every day). Then listen carefully to her comment. If she says she’s disgusted by such extreme things – use your head and chime in and say you find them disgusting too. But if she says she’s interested in exploring one or two, then you’re free to say that you’re open to new experiences. Always mention that any sex will be safe sex with a condom – tell them you’re a fanatic about cleanliness and disease prevention. You always insist on safe words and always advise women to make safe calls. (Only a really nice guy would say such a thing) Always tell a prospective sub that you had a one to two year long relationship with a sub woman. You both enjoyed the relationship but since the lady had a terrible car accident recently, you’re not sure she’ll ever fully recover. Or you could alternatively say that she had to return to California due to a family problem. Either way your new lady will want to know your old sub is permanently out of the way. That will reassure her that you are capable of maintaining a dom/sub relationship over a long period and that you’re not a mentally unstable serial murderer. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 11 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

If you have an interest in some extreme activity, keep it a secret for now. Later on down the road you can ask the ladies you meet about your more unnatural desires. Pushing them on a new woman would be a big mistake as if she doesn’t share your proclivity – she’s run like a race horse.

Don’t Push Too Hard Now we come to a very tricky subject. If you meet a hot submissive and want to get her into your bedroom quickly, be very careful about pushing too hard. Submissive women don’t like to be pressured into submitting before they’re ready. At the end of your first face-to-face meeting it’s normal to suggest that you meet soon for a play date. She will be expecting this (if you find her attractive). If you don’t ask she’ll assume she wasn’t attractive enough for you. (Some but certainly not all submissive women have low self-esteem and even if they’re hot babes they may be insecure and not think they’re worth any man’s attention.) If she says OK, fine you’re in. But if she defers and asks for another meeting you’ll have to decide if she is worth the effort. If she is, make the date and see where it goes from there. The key here is to not push too hard. If she asks for another meeting she may be testing you to see how hard you will push her. If you push too hard you will trigger her defensive feelings which will cause her to pull back.

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I find it’s best to have a leisurely chat during the first meeting and let things follow a more or less natural path. If the conversation wanders away from sexual subjects it’s perfectly alright to gently steer it back in a sexual direction. You have two goals during the initial face-to-face meeting. First and foremost you’re trying to get her to trust you enough to allow you to tie her up. You will have to convince her that you are a stable, psychologically well adjusted nice guy she can trust completely. And at the same time you need to convince her that you are a highly sexual dominant man capable of taking her where she wants to go sexually. I know the two traits are conflicting – a nice sweet trustworthy man – who is a real animal behind closed doors. You’ll have to strike a balance so you can get her juices flowing and at the same time show her the traits that will help her trust you. At the end of the conversation as you’re strolling back to your cars I’ve found it useful to say “I think we could have some serious fun together – what do you think?” Carefully watch her face. If she nods or smiles or says something positive, you’re on your way.

Car Fun Here’s an alternative ploy that I’ve come up with over the years. If you have an initial face-to-face meeting and everything seems fine and she seems eager as you stroll across the parking lot on your way back to your cars you might want to invite her to sit in your car. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 13 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

Simply ask her “Care to sit in my car for a while? We can have a nice private chat.” If she declines, immediately drop the subject and talk about something else. But if she says yes – you’re half way home. When you get into your car, turn toward her and chat for a bit about the weather or whatever. Then slowly reach over and grab a handful of her hair on the back of her head. Tell her she has nice hair and then while maintaining eye contact give her hair a firm tug. Most submissive women love to have their hair pulled and if your lady is indeed submissive, she will close her eyes and gasp. A calm smile should come across her face. If that happens, she’s yours. If her response is positive move closer and whisper in her ear “You like being with a dominant man – don’t you?”. Then you can go ahead with the usual “We could have a lot of fun together” type of remark. From there it will be child’s play to arrange a play date. Or if she’s willing you could go for a quick blow job right there and then but most women will refrain from any sexual contact at the first meeting.

Improving Your Batting Average Here are some tips on how you can improve the odds of getting a submissive woman under your control. First you can offer a “live-in” deal. If your ad says you’re looking for a submissive woman to live-in with you, a woman who is about to leave someone she’s living with will find your ad much more appealing. With the economy so bad these days, many young women are desperate for a place to stay.

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You can also suggest that a long-term (ltr) relationship is a possibility (even if you’re only looking for short-term play). Many submissive women are searching for an ongoing relationship and will find such an ad very interesting. Or you can go to an extreme when you’re chatting with a submissive prospect you might ask what they do for a living. Ask if they like their job. If they’re unemployed or hate their job or boss, you might want to consider dangling the prospect of a job in your family business. This will motivate her on two levels sexual and financial. While chatting be sure to use eye contact. If you avoid eye contact women will automatically assume you’re submissive, not dominant. But too much eye contact will make any women uncomfortable and you run the risk of looking like a glassy-eyed crazy. Subs like all women, respond to confident men, and this goes double for sub women. They crave surrendering to a confident dominant man who knows the ropes (pardon the pun).

“The One” While doms and subs enjoy having scenes with one another from time to time, every unattached dom and sub dreams of finding “the one”. The one is that rare person who interests them romantically in the normal (vanilla) world and at the same time lights their fire behind closed doors. The odds of finding such a person are long but it does happen.

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Are Submissive Women Perverted? Though many people consider dom/sub sexual activities to be perverse and unnatural, many in the dom-sub world see things quite differently. If you stop and think about this from an evolutionary point of view you’ll realize that for thousands of years the women who were more submissive had more and sex and presumably had more children - while more dominant resistive women had fewer. In this way submission has been bread into the DNA of today’s women. That, I feel, is why there are so many submissive women out there. For submissive women and dominant men, these activities are far from perverse, they are instead part of their natural being – one that can be intensely pleasurable. As many as 50% of women have some sort of submissive tendency, while 10-20% are openly submissive and love it when a man takes control.

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Paddle Fun When it comes to the subject of spanking, women who enjoy being spanked seem to fall into one of three categories. Some women like to be spanked lightly for a brief period as a form of foreplay. It gets their sexual juices flowing. Another group likes the pain that moderate spanking provides. They want a firmer hand that will make them cringe and beg. For them the sting of the paddle or hand can quickly bring them to orgasm. (Some women can only achieve orgasm when spanked!) The third group are the masochistic women who want to be spanked extremely hard, so hard that they will break down and cry. These women find a long hard spanking the most effective way to shed their accumulated psychological stress. It’s the cathartic release that the violence and pain can induce. After a severe spanking they feel limp and completely relaxed and stress-free. Several have told me they need a monthly spanking is the only way they can keep their stress level under control. An ad for women who love spanking will get you responses from all three groups so keep an open mind and be flexible. When a women responds to your spanking ad, within the first few emails you should ask them “do you consider yourself submissive?” Most women interested in being spanked will admit when asked that they are indeed submissive. I believe some women seek out spanking ads to avoid having to admit that they’re in fact submissives.

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There’s a whole sub-culture out there of spanking enthusiasts. Check around the web and you’ll find all sorts of groups centered on spanking. Unless you live way out in the boondocks chances are there are local spanking groups full of submissive women near your home. Check around Yahoo groups. You’ll find listings of local groups there. Spanking is seen as a fun, sexually stimulating behavior that everyone likes to some extent. It has a positive imagine without any real negative overtones. In comparison the world of dominants and submissives seems a much darker and negative place. Most Americans view spanking as an innocent form of foreplay while they view bondage and domination as a sexual perversion. This difference in image makes it much easier to find submissive women who won’t admit up front that they are submissive but will happily, even eagerly admit that they like being spanked.

Daddy DOM If you’re over the age of 40 you should be aware that there are young women out there who are searching for a Daddy DOM. You could spend some serious time trying to understand the psychological and emotional reasons for this but just be grateful that some young women are looking to be dominated by an aggressive older man. No one would argue that there isn’t a very special link between a daughter and her father. Little girls adore their daddies and their fathers return that affection.

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Perhaps some women didn’t get the fathering they needed when they were little. But whatever the reason, if you see an ad or profile online that mentions that they are seeking a Daddy DOM relationship, if the thought of having a sexy young lady in her twenties worship you and provide you with whatever sexual enjoyment you demand, go for it man. Tell such a lady that you had a Daddy DOM relationship in the past and enjoyed it tremendously. Tell them that you have a strong nurturing instinct and enjoy holding and cuddling your “daughter”. Just be very sure the young lady in question isn’t too young. Be sure she’s past her eighteenth birthday. Most of the Daddy DOM ladies I’ve seen advertising were in their twenties and were looking for men twenty years their senior plus. I’ve heard rumors that there are stunningly sexy young ladies out there who offer themselves for Daddy DOM relationships but have other goals. They’re in it for the money and are really looking for a “Sugar Daddy” not a true Daddy DOM.

Adultery-Free There are married women out there who are happily married and extremely secure in their lives and therefore have no intention of changing spouses but unfortunately for them they have submissive fantasies. As their husbands are not dominant and can’t or won’t help them achieve their kinkier fantasies, they will often go out onto the Internet in search of a dominant man for some dom/sub action “on the side” as they say.

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Such a woman will offer themselves for scenes but will require that you to refrain from normal vaginal intercourse. Many of these women are seeking to become pregnant with their husbands and so want to avoid having sexual intercourse with anyone else. While normal vaginal sex is off the table, oral and anal sex are usually negotiable so don’t hesitate to ask if you run into one of these women. Many regard anal sex as too high risk from a disease (aids) standpoint but view oral sex as a harmless and entirely safe way to sexually satisfy a man. While these adultery-free deals are a bit unusual, some of the married women I’ve had were incredibly beautiful young ladies who had burning submissive fantasies that they’ve been suppressing and ignoring for ages. When you get alone with them they can explode with sexual energy. So if you get the chance – go for it.

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Section 2. Trust Building Most submissive women will be careful about who they submit to. All over the Internet you’ll see warnings to submissive women to be careful about surrendering to men they don’t know. While they deeply desire to submit to a man, that doesn’t mean they want to be raped or beaten. In general most submissive women heed these warnings and are careful. Though they vary, some will want to exchange several emails before they will move on to a phone conversation. You can understand their position – it only makes sense. But while most submissive women are indeed careful, there are submissive women out there who are far less wary. You may run into one or two. I know I have. I once got a note on a Thursday evening asking me if I could spend the coming weekend with the sender. The pic attached was that of a busty young lady with bright red hair. This lovely lady had made a play date for the weekend only to have the man involved cancel out at the very last minute. She had been looking forward to the date for some weeks and didn’t want to abandon it altogether so she dropped me a note. I said yes and we spent a very hot weekend together. There’s no luck like good luck! If you hang around the bdsm world long enough and maintain a profile on collarspace.com eventually something similar will happen to you.

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The Normal Flow Many submissive women will meet with a guy for dinner or a drink, chat with him and then go with their gut. If they guy seems OK, and they don’t sense any red flags, they’re off to the motel right away. These ladies will go with their gut – until their gut fails them. Then they will inevitably become extremely guarded and over-careful. You’ll meet both kinds. If you meet an extremely guarded woman who seems obsessed with security, you can bet she’s been burned in the past. (I’ve heard some incredible stories from submissive women!) I’ve met several submissive women who demanded a dinner but right after desert we were off to the motel. It’s not a safe thing to do but many submissive women are so hot for some dom-sub action they will foolishly throw caution to the wind. Just like other average women, many submissive women are seeking short-term play relationships with a dominant man while others are looking for long-term romantic relationships even marriage. Those ladies who are on a quest for longer-term or marriage relationship will naturally want to spend more time with you before going forward. If you’re just looking for some quick action, you can easily screen the long-term ladies out with your first email. Simply ask them what they’re looking for. If they reply they’re searching for a husband or a live-in arrangement, you can stop communicating with them and move on to the next lady.

HOH = Head of Household refers to a marriage or live-in relationship where the woman accepts the leadership of the man.

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Some churches promote such marriages as they consider them to be traditional and biblically supported. The man retains control of financial and other decisions. Taken-in-Hand = Similar to HOH. It’s a relationship where the woman accepts the man’s control in the bedroom. The general relationship may also be dominant/submissive.

Here’s another interesting fact. There’s a saying in the bondage world. “If you ignore your submissive fantasies they will only grow stronger”. This is true. I met one lady who ignored her submissive impulses for over a decade. When I met her she said her fantasies had become so intense that she had problems thinking of anything else!

Meeting Etiquette You’ll probably exchange emails online at first. These women like to initiate the first contact. They will send you a respective note asking if you’re still open to meeting a new sub lady. Take the time to exchange email notes for some days being careful not to seem too aggressive. But don’t waste too much time. After all, the goal here is a face-to-face meeting.

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Meet in a Public Area When you arrange your first face-to-face meeting, be sure to suggest meeting in a nice, safe public place where there are plenty of people around. The best timing for that first meeting will be either lunch on a weekend or right after work on a weekday. Avoid meetings late at night when the restaurant will probably be empty. If they ask why you chose that restaurant – say you just thought they would find it most comfortable having people around. Your only thought was her comfort and safety. (Gee, you’re such a nice guy!) Never, ever offer to buy a woman dinner at a nice restaurant on your initial meeting. I’ve done this and it’s a common mistake. A woman sends you a face pic and the girl is a real angel. Her smile would melt butter. During your phone conversations the sweet, velvety sound of her sexy voice fills you with desire. Then you meet her and discover to your horror that her ass is the size of a Toyota, or her belly hangs all the way to the ground or that she has a huge bright red rash running u[ the side of her neck. Take it from one who knows – you don’t know anything about a woman until you’ve spoken with her for an hour or so. Always go with a soft drink at a Denny’s first time around. It’s a whole lot cheaper and easier to escape quickly. All women hate cheapskate men. Submissive women are no exception. When you finish your initial meeting, be sure to both pick up the check for the both of you, and throw down a moderately generous tip. When speaking to the waitress, be friendly and respectful. I sometimes say something like: “Waitresses work so hard and they make so little money, don’t you think?” A buck or two spent now can pay huge dividends later on down the road.

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Ending the Initial Face-to-Face Meeting You can bring the first face-to-face meeting to an end in one of several different ways. If she doesn’t light your fire – tell her how much you enjoyed meeting her and vaguely refer to a future meeting. Tell her your job is busy right now but in a few weeks you’ll call her to arrange your first scene. Then vanish quickly into the dark night never to be seen again. Or you can make a play date (If she’s up for that), leave the play date open or agree to meet again for more discussion. If she’s worth your hard-earned cash you might want to consider buying her dinner at a nicer restaurant.

Phone Time When you feel you’ve exchanged enough emails, it’s time to move on to a phone conversation. Remember, she will still be suspicious. Unless she’s a fool or an idiot, she will have to be careful and assume that you’re a dangerous person she should avoid. Your initial phone conversations should be friendly and relaxed. Your goal is to come off sounding like a genuine “nice guy” who is not violent, crazy or a sexual predator. Early in your first phone chat you might want to include a comment such as “I’m really a non-violent person”, or “I’m not at all violent” if the opportunity presents itself. You might also consider a statement like “I’m not into anything too extreme, no animals, no enemas and no kids.” That should help put her at ease.

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If you meet a lady online and she steadfastly refuses to talk on the phone, if she says she has run out of cell minutes or offer up any other excuse for not having a phone conversation with you – that’s a big red flag. Transsexuals are out there online. Many of them look like very sexy women. They are truly beautiful and sexy but there is one thing they can’t change with surgery, hormones or makeup – their voice. They are well aware of this and will offer to meet you in person but will steadfastly refuse to talk on the phone as they know it will give them away. Keep this in mind and never, ever meet with anyone until you’ve heard their voice.

Are You Experienced? You’ll meet two kinds of submissive women. First you have the experienced sub woman who knows exactly what she needs, what she desires, what she dislikes and will openly share her feelings with you. Take mental notes as she speaks. If you hope to play with her (in the bdsm world we call play meetings “scenes”) in the future, you’ll need to use the information and guidance she provides to make your first scene with her as satisfying as possible for both of you. Do not make the same error that so many dominant males make. Do not think that you should take it easy on the lady during the first scene. I did that with several women and I never saw them again. You simply must be dominant enough to get her submissive juices flowing or she will find someone else who will. It’s that simple. If you take it too easy the first time around you will run the risk of losing her after only one scene. Your first scene must be exciting and you simply must cater to her needs and at the same time carefully avoid going over the line in any way that might upset her.

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The Newbie – A Complete Puzzle But here’s a real problem. A newbie is a lady who knows and openly admits that she has submissive tendencies or fantasies but hasn’t yet discovered her likes and dislikes. Such a woman is a bit of a puzzle. She can’t give you the guidance you need because she simply doesn’t know. That leaves you in the dark. One approach that’s worked for me is to ask such a lady what she thinks of when she masturbates. As she stimulates herself s is free to fantasize about anything she finds stimulating so she’ll naturally gravitate to the single most stimulating fantasy she can find. If she will share that fantasy with you it will tell you a lot about what lights her fire. During your firsts scene with a newbie all you can do is go ahead and carefully observe her reactions as you pursue each activity. Should she react violently to something, back off and change the direction of the activity.

Motel Etiquette Or you can go ahead and plan a scene. I always use Comfort Inn motels. In my experience they are very affordable, always spotlessly clean and after dozens of scenes in Comfort Inns in several states – very understanding and discreet. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 27 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

But you must be aware that hotels are very sensitive in one way. When a profitable hotel caters to business people and later acquires a reputation as a “hot sheets’ hotel (meaning the place is being used by hookers), the business clientele will shy away and the profitability of the place will crash. The motel firms know that their reputation is the key to their profits. Many motels have been forced into bankruptcy due to a shoddy reputation. So always be discreet. Have your “date” wait in her car while you register (But always wait until she shows before you register as last minute cold feet no-shows do occasionally happen). Don’t march though the lobby with a bull whip under your arm. In the very rare event that a desk person asks why you are staying in a hotel so near to your home, simply say that your place is being tented for reasons of pest control, or tell them that you just had your place carpeted and the “gas out” fume are so horrible that you’re moving into a motel to avoid the toxic fumes.

Post Scene Critique If after the first scene you want to meet her again for an encore, be sure to take the time to discuss your first scene in detail immediately after it’s over. You might even suggest a leisurely dinner over which you can feel her out and extract the information you need. In order to get her into that first scene you need to build her trust – that’s the critical issue. After that first scene in her mind she will review how she feels about what went on. If she feels that you respected her limits so that the whole experience was comfortable, and the sex was hot – she’ll be at your beck and call from then on. During your first face-to-face meeting you should always ask about how rough they like their action. Simply ask “How rough do you like it?” Then listen to her comments. Some women thrive on being treated very harshly. They love to have their hair pulled hard. They moan out loud with pleasure when a dominant man slaps their face firmly and being spanked hard with a firm paddle makes their head spin.

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But other subs aren’t so hungry for hard action. So ask. You might use a numerical indicator and say something like “On a scale of one to ten with ten being the most violent, how rough do you like it?”

Motel Moves When you arrive in the hotel room a female will do what every woman does when they enter a hotel room – they visit the bathroom. When they emerge it’s important that you show her that you’re a real dominant. Move beside her and firmly grab her hair and yank it back. Whisper in her ear “Are you going to submit to me – are you going to do exactly what I say?” When she says yes, respond with “yes what” and insist that she call you sir or master. Once you have her under control you can do what you like with her (within her hard limits). But it’s very important that you take control of her so that she knows who is in charge. She both expects that and desires it and most importantly she will be deeply disappointed if you don’t seize control in a dominant way. Most dominant men use one of two approaches to demonstrate their dominance. Some prefer to place a woman face down on the bed or floor and have anal intercourse with them from behind. Others prefer to handcuff or tie a woman’s hands behind her back and have her kneel on the floor and suck them submissively. Make your choice and use one or the other (or both) to demonstrate your control of her. Again she will expect this. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 29 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

To Humiliate or Not Humiliation is another sensitive subject. Some submissive women live for humiliation. They crave it and are disappointed if you don’t degrade them in some way. Some women enjoy mild humiliation like having them undress for you. But other women desire humiliation of a completely different kind. They will ask you to place them in a bath tub and urinate on them – even in their mouths! And then you have the “brown showers” ladies. They’re rare but I guarantee you – they are out there. Pain is another strange variable. Most of the subs I’ve met either didn’t want any pain or found a little pain a particularly stimulating form of foreplay. But serious pain is yet another thing. Very few women are “pain sluts” or “pain queens”. But once again – they’re out there.

Hard Limits If you want to see a particular sub woman again you’ll have to carefully respect any limits she has placed on your joint activities. Hard limits are those activities she deeply wants to avoid. Any intrusion into those activities will cause serious problems.

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Not only will she not agree to see you again, she may bad mouth you to others in your local bondage community or even post a nasty note online which can severely damage your reputation. Soft limits are requests from a sub that you avoid too much of a particular activity. Occasionally you will run into a sub who really isn’t happy about giving a dom head. They will get you off, but they aren’t up for hours of oral fun so if you run into one of these ladies, save the head for right at the end of the scene and keep it short.

Discovering Your Personal Sexual Fantasies I once met a lady who was into heavy nipple torture. When she first mentioned her interest my stomach turned. I thought I would never enjoy such an extreme activity but when we got into it – I began to get into it and today very much enjoy finding a woman who enjoys having her nipples pinched or even pierced.

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Section 3. Legal and Safety Issues

Avoiding Jail Bait Always be VERY sure that the lady you’re dealing with is at least 18 years of age. You don’t want to be caught with “jail bait”. Stay away from anyone who isn’t clearly of legal age no matter how inviting they may seem. You may run into a 16 or 17 year old girl who is eager to grow up quickly so they can have a submissive experience. Watch your step though as many have fake IDs that show their age as over 18. For your protection, be sure to have any younger woman send you an email (as a permanent legal record) that clearly states their age. If you discover that a girl is say 17 years old, give her your phone number and tell her to call you on her 18 th birthday.

Assault Charges Here’s another potential legal trap. Laws on this vary from state to state. Some states won’t allow someone to waive their right to prosecute for assault.

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What this means is: If I ask you if it’s alright if I slap your face and you say “sure, go ahead”. In those states after I slap you, you can’t prosecute me for assault. By saying “sure, go ahead” you in effect surrendered your right to prosecute me under state law. But unfortunately other states don’t allow the waiving of this right. If you watch dom/sub porn you’ve no doubt noticed that some of the dominant men wear leather hoods over their heads. This is because the videos were shot in states that don’t allow submissives to waive their assault rights. To avoid legal prosecution for assault, the dominant men hide behind the anonymity the hood provides. Once again an email message can protect you. If a woman admits to being submissive and states that she likes to be slapped etc. this can provide proof that she waived her right to prosecute you for assault.

Safe Words A safe word is a word the submissive can use to stop the action should a sub become alarmed by something. The use of a safe word involves a special kind of contract between a dom and a sub. First, the submissive agrees in advance to avoid using the safe word except in the most unusual situation. It’s not to be used lightly. If subs used it too casually, they would in effect take control of the scene which would defeat the whole purpose of the meeting. In return the dom agrees to immediately stop whatever he is doing when he hears the safe word and secondly agrees to not punish the sub for using it. Good doms always insist on having a safe word established for safety reasons but also it helps show the sub that you’re a considerate guy who is interested in her comfort.

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Most people use “red” as their safe word. You should give your sub a safe word if she hasn’t already offered one. You should be wary of any sub who says “Oh I don’t want a safe word”. Insist on giving her one anyway.

Safe Calls Everyone has a cell phone these days. In an effort to enhance here safety a sub may arrange to call a friend during your scene. Say you meet around 8pm and the fun starts soon thereafter. The sub might have set up a call to their friend around 11pm. The arrangement is: if the friend doesn’t get the call on schedule they will either call the police or come to the motel room themselves. Insisting that a sub arrange a safe call can help a dubious sub feel safer. Just be very, very sure that the call gets made! When the action gets going there’s a tendency to lose track of time (I’ve had six or seven hours go by in a flash). Some safe calls don’t get made for just this reason. Keep the safe call in mind and keep at least one eye on your watch. If your wristwatch has an alarm feature you can use it to make sure the call gets made.

Worst Case Scenarios Chances are you won’t ever run into any problems but here are a few thoughts to keep in mind just in case. If you ejaculate into a condom, immediately go to the bathroom and quickly remove the condom and flush it down the toilet. Then carefully wash your penis and wipe it dry. Do not place a used condom it in the trash basket. (women have been known to grab a used condom and insert it into their vagina in an effort to get pregnant so they can hit you with a paternity law suit.) If you come in a sub woman’s mouth, make her swallow it immediately. If you come on her face, wipe it around before you let her run off to the bathroom.

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Of course if you have anal intercourse with her always use a condom and quickly flush the condom. One option is to tell a sub that you had a vasectomy and are shooting blanks. When she asks why you’re using a condom just say that you always practice safe sex and that you always use a condom to avoid catching sexually transmitted diseases. If she’s planning on slapping you with a paternity suit she’ll quickly lose interest if she believes you are no longer producing sperm. Keep an eye on your pants. There have been women who grabbed a man’s pants and his wallet and departed leaving the man naked from the waist down making it rather difficult to run after her. Other women have been known to file assault charges days after meeting with a dom in a hotel room. It’s best to get emails from the lady which state clearly that she is submissive and is entering into a scene consensually. Email is a permanent record that can’t be easily denied. Many doms will use a fake name to help insulate them from scams. But be careful because if your sub detects your deception her trust in you will evaporate and she will vanish. When she shows up at the motel you might want to write down the lady’s license plate – just in case. (Of course I don’t let her see me doing it.)

Transsexuals on Craigslist.com If you advertise or respond to ads on Craigslist.com you will sooner or later run into transsexuals. The site is crawling with them. They will tell you they are submissive women who are burning to meet you and please you. But their game is to lure you into meeting them before you figure out their deception. To avoid TSs always insist on phone conversations before you plan a face-to-face meeting.

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Prepaid Cellular Phones If you provide a sub with your home phone or your cell number, they can use that number to uncover a lot of personal information on you. The best approach is to buy one of those prepaid cell phones that are entirely anonymous, provided you pay for it with cold hard cash. You can buy a tracfone at any discount store including Wal-Mart. You pay with cash and buy the card that provides you with a year of service along with several hundred minutes of prepaid talk time. In this way you get a completely secure cell that no one, not even the government itself, can track. And in my experience the service is very good. The phones cost around $30 and a year’s service including with 800 minutes of service will run you around $99. Each year you’ll need to pay another $99.

Altered States You may feel like sharing a little drink or a joint before a scene. Getting a buzz going will help loosen the two of you up and make the scene more interesting – right? Take it from me (or ask a lawyer) the use of any kind of intoxicant before a scene is a very bad idea. Say you’re having dinner with a submissive woman before retiring to her place for some steamy dom/sub action. She asks the waiter for an alcoholic drink, you might think it will help her relax right?

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No. If she is under the influence of either booze or a drug (even slightly) and the two of you have what you assume is fully consensual sex, she can later accuse you of assault or even rape. This is particularly true if you were the one who provided the intoxicant. After all, you took advantage of her while she wasn’t in her right mind. If she can convince a judge or jury of this - you’re on your way to the big house – the penitentiary. Both of you should be fully sober when the fun starts, or you could be asking for trouble. If you watch dom-sub porno videos you may notice that some include face-to-face interviews with the girls before the action starts. The question “Are you under the influence of any kind of alcohol or drug at this time?” is a standard inquiry. The contract the model signs includes a statement certifying that they are not under the influence of any exogenous substance. This is done to protect the producer of the films from a later charge of assault or rape.

Document to Protect Yourself Before you meet, take the time to print out copies of her email messages and put them away somewhere safe. Then save her messages to a directory or a backup CD/DVD. If you can get a sub’s home phone, Google the first part of the email address. For example if her whole address is [email protected], Google prettysub23 and see what you get. You may get a ton of personal information on her habits, the sites she belongs to and perhaps even a few negative comments from old boyfriends. Always check her out before you make a face-to-face date. You may also get her home address through a reverse lookup site (of which there are many online). When you have her home address you can research the value of her home, who owns it and the kind of neighborhood she lives in.

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Avoid Crazies If a woman appears to be mentally unstable you should make a very quick exit. Such women can cause problems later. They can become attached and plague your life or even become a predatory stalker. Such a woman can turn your life inside out.

Weighty Issues Many women, including normal ladies, love to be called dirty names like “slut”, “whore”, “you’re just a dirty little cock-sucking whore” and the like. Almost all submissive women love such dirty talk. But there is one subject you’ll want to avoid – a sub’s weight. If a girl is even slightly overweight you should very carefully avoid using terms like: Fatso Fat Slob Fat Pig Fat Ass Fat Bitch © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 38 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

These terms are dynamite and deeply offensive to overweight females. Never use them, even if your sub is only a few pounds overweight. They may offend in a way that wont’ soon be forgotten.

Financial Control Many submissive women crave a relationship that involves their being submissive only in a sexual sense. Outside the bedroom they want a normal romantic or typical friendly relationship. But other women want to completely abandon control on every level which means they want a man who will take over not only in bed but also seize control of their financial life also. If you run into one of these women, please don’t take advantage of their trust. Most are nice people who deserve to be treated with respect.

Leave Your Rolex at Home There are some stunningly beautiful young ladies who hang around bars where rich men are liable to stop by. They use their good looks to seduce men who are wearing Rolex or other expensive jewelry. They lure the unsuspecting sucker up to their room or apartment ostensibly for sex where they are either severely beaten or murdered – just for their watch.

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So if you have a Rolex either a fake or the genuine item, leave it at home. It would be a pity to be beaten or even killed for a silly watch. Instead trot on down to your local drug store and buy a shiny new Timex watch. For twenty bucks you get a good reliable watch that keeps good time and won’t get you killed. If you are wealthy you’ll want to be extremely careful when dabbling in the dom-sub world. Keep your real name a deep, dark secret. Use a fake name. And above all don’t try to impress a young lady with your worldly possessions.

You Should Be Careful Too! As I’ve said submissive women are careful as they’re afraid of being raped or beaten. When you’re contemplating your first scene with a new woman you need to be careful also. Never respond to an invite to a new woman’s home no matter how sexy their pic is. You could be walking into a trap. Once you know the lady and are sure you’re safe, there will be plenty of time to meet at their place later.

Keep Quiet If during the scene your lady gets too loud (some women are born screamers), you can either stick a ball gag in her mouth or simply ask her to tone it down. If you get really loud and some other resident calls the police, you could end up getting arrested and that wouldn’t do as the police will certainly ask a bunch of embarrassing questions.

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First Scene Always have your fist scene in a hotel. You might want to tell your date that you always use this particular hotel because you know the security officer. That should help her to feel comfortable and at the same time let her know that you’re not a fool who can be easily taken.

Adultery Permission If you run into a married lady who wants to meet to discuss having a scene – the main concern should be – does she have permission from her husband? Some married women will respond that they have “open” marriages so are free to do what they like as their husband has provided permission in advance. One lady I met insisted that I come over to her place on a weekday afternoon. I assumed she set the time to avoid having her husband around. When I showed up at her door, she ushered me in and right past her husband who was sitting on the couch sipping a bear and watching a basketball game on TV! He said “How you doing?” as I strolled by. I responded with “fine”. This was a VERY open marriage. If she responds by saying that she needs discretion, you’re dealing with a cheater and will have to worry about how her husband feels about all this. Will he be hiding in the bushes ready to pounce? Will he show up uninvited and embarrass you or even sue you? I only mess with married women who share their home phone numbers and in that way I can be assured that her hubby is at least aware of the situation even if he doesn’t accept it with open arms.

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Weed Protocol When I run into a woman who loves her weed I ask her to either refrain from bringing it to the scene or at least have her promise to bring only a very small amount. (Being arrested for small quantities is no longer much of a problem but larger amounts can lead to serious charges for trafficking.)

Your DOM Bag Every DOM has a bag full of his play equipment. A good source for equipment is eBay at very fair prices. Here’s a short list of the things you might want to consider buying. 1. Vibrators 1. Clit Vibrator - One of those little vibrators with names like “bullet”. They can be used on the clitoris which will get any woman’s attention. Cost $5-10.

2. Internal Vibrator – These units are made for penetration. You have your typical dildo type unit and then the other kind that feature a long shaft with a bulb unit on the end. Cost $5-15. 3. High-Power Vibrator – These AC-powered wand units provide a much higher intensity vibration. They can literally drive a woman crazy. $20-100. 2. Paddles A leather or wood paddle will do quite nicely. There are other Lexan and plastic paddles that can deliver a very sharp sting which many subs enjoy. Cost $5-40. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 42 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

3. Nipple Clamps Spring-loaded nipple clamps are a must. When you put them on, the sub will experience considerable pain but if left in place for more than a few minutes, when you remove them the pain will be much more intense. Cost $5-25. 4. Canes – Canes are only for more experienced doms. Canes deliver extremely intense pain and even a slight tap can cause a sub to howl with pain. Three quick blows can quickly reduce a sub to tears so be very careful when using a cane. You’ll need to experiment and take it very slow at first. Give yourself a few mild blows on your lower leg. You’ll quickly see how painful the cane can be. Cost $10-50. 5. Blindfolds – Be careful about using blindfolds. Some subs love the feeling of helplessness the blind fold causes but others find blindfolds completely unacceptable. Ask before using. Cost $5-25. 6. Ball Gags – Tip: This is one toy you don’t want to re-use. I buy cheap ball gags and use them only once. At five or six bucks each I regard them as disposable. $5-10. 7. Handcuffs – There are two kinds of handcuffs. On the one hand you have the handcuffs the police use – they are serious police equipment. You can get a pair of those for around twenty bucks. Then you have the cheaper “play” handcuffs that aren’t real handcuffs at all as they have a little hidden release lever. If a sub wants out they only have to push the lever and they’re instantly freed. Go with the police quality handcuffs if you can but if a sub expresses fear of being handcuffed, you can pull out the play handcuffs and show them the release lever. Most will allow you to use the less secure cuffs. Cost play handcuffs $5-10, Police handcuffs $10-100. 8. Riding Crop – I found a very useful riding crop that collapses down like a telescope. This makes it easy to carry even in a pocket. (Long canes and crops can look ridiculous when you’re strolling through a motel lobby.) 9. Collar – Go to a pet store and buy a large red or black soft fabric collar. I find them handing on a peg labeled “German Shepard”. © Copyright 2014, Ariza Research, All rights reserved – ABP - 43 Reproduction in any form is prohibited without written permission.

Be careful about collars as a “play collar” denotes temporary submission during a particular scene, while “being collared” has a separate very different meaning – it is a long-term commitment that often parallels marriage. The problem with bdsm equipment is this. For a few bucks you can buy cheap stuff from Taiwan or China. This equipment is inexpensive but doesn’t last long as it’s basically crap. On the other hand you have extremely high-quality handmade items made by old-fashioned craftsmen. They are very well made and will last a lifetime but they can be terribly expensive. Some more moderately priced items can usually be found at your local porn dealer – if you care to be seen visiting such a place.

Comfort Items Your bag should also contain some other “comfort items” such as several small bottles of bottled water and some munchies like small candy bars or snack cakes. If thirst or hunger hits in the middle of a scene, you won’t have to leave the scene but can keep the action going if you have food and drink in your bag. Be sure that you have enough condoms and won’t run out. Going “bareback” and having sex without a condom simply isn’t an option these days. You’ll either end up with a disease or an unwanted pregnancy. You might want to mention to a sub that you always clean your equipment with bleach. Bleach is the very best way to clean an item as it kills a wider range of viruses and bacteria than any other cleaning agent. I’ve actually had subs sniff items from my bag searching for the bleach smell. They want to smell the bleach before an item is used on them.

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Blindfold Safety Before slapping a blindfold on a submissive lady, always ask if they wear contact lenses. If they do have them remove the lenses before you begin as a blindfold can rub against her eyes and if she’s wearing contact lenses her eyes can become red and irritated.

Some Useful Scripts Here are some dominant comments you might want to use during a scene. They’ve helped me enormously and I know they can help you too. “You’re submissive. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s down deep in your DNA. No drug will change anything. As long as you live you’ll be submissive. You can’t change it – no matter what you do. So why not relax and enjoy it. Your submissiveness is God’s gift as it can be the key to a level of sexual pleasure other’s only dream of.” “From now on you only have one phrase – yes sir. No matter what I ask you will always say yes sir. Do you understand? Do you want me to play with your nipples? Do you want me to pinch them harder? Do you like pain? Do you love your master?”

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Threesomes With Submissive Women When you initially meet any submissive woman you should routinely ask them about participating in a threesome. Some will tell you they’re not interested, others will say maybe and a few will say they’re very interested and will openly ask you if you can arrange a threesome scene. Another question you might want to include is – are you bisexual, have you ever been with a woman sexually? These questions aren’t at all unusual and no woman should take offense to them. When you’ve found two women who are either eager to try a threesome or are bisexual or bi-curious and are only too happy to get sexual access to another female – you can go ahead and arrange a threesome scene. But here’s a warning. There’s an old saying “when a woman goes lesbian – she never comes back”. In my experience this saying is essentially true. Over the years I’ve known a number of gay women both fems and dykes and I’ve yet to see any woman go back to a heterosexual relationship after they got a taste of girl to girl love. You run the risk of losing any woman you expose to another woman sexually. They may go lesbian and lose all interest in you. It’s a risk you run whenever you set up a threesome date.

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